- Date posted
- Yesterday
Gut feeling or relationship anxiety/rocd??
I'm a bit stressed rn. I'm with my boyfriend and we're on holiday, everything should be fine and so nice but instead I keep having intrusive thoughts.. like "am I having enough fun?", "he's on the phone a lot, he doesn't consider me, he's not the right person", then he has behaviors or ways of doing things that bother me a little and I constantly question him... first we went into a hotel room, we had sex and after the shower I felt this need to cry that I can't explain, it had already happened, sometimes it doesn't even appeal to me to do it with him, out of anxiety for me, because I'm tense, out of fear of performance. For context: we go to university together, and in the summer it's a long-distance relationship, last year during the summer period I had this very heavy sense of detachment when many days (2 weeks) passed that we didn't see each other, over time it decreased, but I still perceive it. sometimes it seems like a stranger to me, and I struggle to get close to it. This summer was going better, last month I went to him and I had this episode of detachment again, we also talked about it, and then it went better and I remember leaving him a note where I wrote that I felt good with him, that I loved him and that I was able to be myself and calm in his company. From then until yesterday, when we saw each other again, it happened that I discovered my sister, a person whose opinion I am very fond of, told me she didn't see me well with him, not 100%, for a reason that sometimes I also questioned (the emotional depth), since then I overthink about that, and today, during our holiday, it continues to weigh on me... I don't know what to do, I don't know what to believe, I'm very tired and exhausted from having these thoughts, when I said I was fine with him in reality I was lying? and I feel this feeling of emptiness often, like I don't love him enough, I don't understand...