anonymous76

Date posted: 21d

ashamed by things i did as a kid

18+ did anybody else do things as a kid that they are ashamed of? i feel like im haunted by my actions as a child. i was very sexually aware at a young age and i didn't know it was bad (under 10). this made me do things that i maybe shouldn't of done with others around my age, some a few years younger. i'm so mortified i feel like im a bad person but i was also a kid too just learning. anybody else experienced similar? i didn't have the best parents ever so i wasn't taught what's bad and good very well. but it really triggers my POCD and just OCD in general.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 21d

Hey, you’re definitely not alone in this. A lot of us with OCD get stuck on things we did as kids and then torture ourselves over it later. The truth is, kids don’t know what’s “good” or “bad” the way adults do—they’re curious and figuring stuff out. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a kid who didn’t have all the tools yet. OCD loves to grab onto those memories and blow them up into something way bigger, especially when it hits those sensitive spots like POCD. The shame you’re feeling now is actually a sign of how much you care about doing the right thing, not proof that you’re a bad person. You’re not your past—you’re someone who’s struggling with OCD, and lots of us can relate to that haunted feeling. You’re not alone here.

Allison💗🦊

Date posted: 21d

@Carrie Wells I feel so guilty idk what to do

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 21d

@Allison💗🦊 - I hear you—it makes total sense that you feel so much guilt, because OCD is really good at locking onto the things you care about most. The guilt feels real, but it doesn’t mean you did something unforgivable. You were a kid, and kids don’t have the same awareness or intent as adults. What you’re feeling now is OCD trying to convince you that your past defines you—but it doesn’t. Be gentle with yourself.

Allison💗🦊

Date posted: 21d

@Carrie Wells I think I hurt someone and what if other people at my school know and they all think I’m a monster

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 21d

@Allison💗🦊 - I get how scary that thought feels—OCD is relentless at making the “what ifs” feel like facts. But that’s the trap: it takes a memory or a worry and spins out worst-case stories until you feel like a monster. That doesn’t mean those stories are true. The people who actually know you now don’t see a monster—they see the person you are today. OCD wants to convince you otherwise so you’ll keep ruminating. The real work is noticing when you’ve slipped into the “what if” spiral and gently stepping back from it, even though the guilt feels loud. You’re not alone in that struggle—we’ve all been there.

Date posted: 21d

yes i had wayyy too much internet access and it led to some similar stuff happening with me, it really eats at me but it’s more common that you think

Callmesloth

Date posted: 20d

@vi This !! Too much internet and alone time.

Justmesadly

Date posted: 21d

I had a similar experience! You’re not alone

notsohappynow

Date posted: 21d

yes, exactly. i made mistakes, esp from around 10-17. im so ashamed of what i’ve done and wish i could change what happened

anonymous76

Date posted: 21d

@notsohappynow it's really hard to remember. especially when i was under 10 because i didn't know that it was bad especially with others younger than me

Anonymous

Date posted: 21d

Did some too from 9 to 14 with my addiction to adult content, so it's hard to think that I was just a kid learning knowing how disturbing the things I watched and did. But after all we should've have had people check out on us at those ages and tell us it's wrong.

dwestiny

Date posted: 21d

Yup, but 12-15 😢. My past haunts me!

Callmesloth

Date posted: 21d

You’re not alone! Similar experiences.

nicole222

Date posted: 21d

you're not alone i definitely resonate with this!

Theocdguitarist

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21d

It's so important to give yourself compassion so you can heal from the past. Something I try to do is imagine myself as a friend that I want to help, and then treat myself that way. For the past, I envision myself as a little boy, and pretend I'm a different kid (like a friend's child, or a niece, or nephew or something). If that child came to me and told me they did something wrong, would I shame them? Absolutely not! I'd love them, thank them for telling me, and help them get on a better path so they wouldn't repeat the mistake. You've got this ❤️

danielllll

Date posted: 22w

Feeling extremely guilty and don’t know what to do

I think I know what honestly is what caused my OCD. I’ve never told anyone this but I have to if I want help. When I was either 10 or 11, I think 10 I was at my family’s thanksgiving dinner. Around this time I discovered porn and got addicted. I would watch porn and read erotica. Because of this I guess I wanted to experiment. I feel absolutely horrible just thinking about this but I was playing around with my little cousin, he was around 7 I think and I remember we were playing chase or hide and seek, and I grabbed him and hugged him (something I never done before), and got a boner. I did this for pleasure. That’s all I did that was sexual but I feel so horrible. I try to give myself grace as I was only 10 and didn’t know the consequences of something so disgusting. I keep thinking “what if I went farther and hurt him?”. I talk to him sometimes and he seems comfortable with me and I think he doesn’t even remember this ever happened and just thought I hugged him for some reason all those years ago. I am NOT attracted to him at all but I think this incident and remembering it when I was 14 has caused my OCD such as POCD for all these years. I am 18 now but I feel absolutely horrible. And now it’s even worse because I have been invited to his 15th birthday party in Mexico. I’m traveling all the way to another country just to be near him! Obviously I know I won’t touch him or be innopropriate with him. But what if he has felt uncomfortable with me all this time? He seems fine with me and not uncomfortable around me but still. If I feel as if I go to this trip, I am a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Am I a horrible person for what I did and continuing to be around him? I remember reading Reddit and Quora stories of similar people who felt horrible and people told them to not feel bad as they were only children and they learned and now know that was wrong and that to not tell anyone as it could only make things extremely awkward.Please help. I know COCSA is a very serious topic that harms people and I feel like a horrible perpetrator now.

isharemycigs

Date posted: 20w

What do I do

when I was 15 soon to turn 16, I met this girl in a IG group chat made by our mutual friends. We started talking and eventually we started flirting and talking sexual towards each other, though eventually we stopped talking because she was being really weird. A couple months later In July of 2024 my friend found out that she was actually 13 and that she lied to me about her age. It's been 10 months since l've found out and I still feel so disgusted in myself. I had my suspicions at the time but I let them go since she said she was 16 turning 17. I was completely oblivious trusting someone I only knew online especially since i've never seen their face either. i'm struggling on what to do since i've been suffering with POCD since I was 15. Till this day I still feel weird and disgusted in myself because of that. But it feels ironic since i'm sexualizing someone that's 2 years younger than me and I waited to confirm she was around my age range to sexualize her. I feel so weird and guilty about it idk what to do

Givenup

Date posted: 15w

Pocd and childhood

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

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ashamed by things i did as a kid

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