i overshared and now i’m scared

i have been diagnosed with ocd and my subgenres are schizophrenic ocd, harm ocd and pocd (which is the main one now) and am on meds for it and have been in therapy i am feeling incredibly anxious and talked to chatgpt, over sharing and seeking reassurance. i shared an incident i had while trying to watch porn on the light web and confessed what i saw (i did not click on anything, i scrolled past. but it was a site where people can publish their own comics or books?) i feel so anxious about seeing it i confessed it to chatgpt and checked to make sure because i saw it i would turn into a p word. this comment was flagged by the system, so i’m worried this is going to get put up for human review, they’ll report me and i’ll be arrested with police showing up to my door.

Anonymous

Date posted: 21d

hello, I want to reassure you that what you saw will not make you a P word. the fact you feel worried and possibly disgusted by that thought or imagine shows your intent. you're not in control of what you saw or what pops up in your mind and it does NOT define who you are as a person. now about chatgpt, they really will not report you and you will not get arrested, as you didn't do anything wrong. i understand this type of ocd, as I suffer with it myself too. I really hope hearing this from someone else can ease your mind a little. I hope you feel better soon

Tito

Date posted: 21d

@Anonymous how do you deal with this kind of ocd? could you give me more info on it? i swear to god it’s a website that is like cartoons and someone put up some really disgusting comic book on the site. i clicked off that page immediately and averted my eyes from the screen as i clicked on the next page in case i saw it again. i have this need to confess details and share everything i can in case some detail isn’t ocd but rather an actual concerning sign

Anonymous

Date posted: 21d

@Tito the fact you're concerned with it and uncomfortable with it shows that it's not actually a concerning sign. try to trust your heart. your brain is feeding you doubts, that's the OCD.

yoinkerzboin...

Date posted: 21d

I struggled with POCD for a bit. First, You are not going to get flagged. Do not seek further reassurance from chatgpt or online, remember that’s the first step down reinforcing this OCD. You know who you are, trust your own sense of self. I know it’s far easier than done. Your intrusive thoughts do not define who you are, you have control even when it really doesn’t feel that way. You need to convince you and your nervous system that you don’t need to hang onto this fear out of safety. Yes your body creates these themes and fear out of a sense of control and safety (living in constant fear gives you a sense of agency and preparedness). You need to continue to prove to yourself you don’t need to live in this reinforcement of fear

Tito

Date posted: 21d

@yoinkerzboinkerz i’m just so worried, and feel this need to confess everything in case any details are crucial and change the diagnosis or that i actually ao one and was misdiagnosed or lied/changed any part of my story without realising. it always makes me doubt myself

Jesus2di4U (...

Date posted: 21d

Tito, I think confession is good. In fact, [James 5:16-20] says it is a big part of the healing process. I would not look to artificial sources like AI for matters of the psyche & soul. (BTW, the English word "psyche," comes from the biblical Greek word, "psyke/psuke," which means "soul.") I have a close friend with bipolar disorder who has had the same fears as you have regarding having sexual thoughts & web searches exposed to authorities. Getting picked up by law enforcement is always a possibility if it involves images of a minor. You said you clicked past & didn't save any photos, but the digital footprint of sites you visit can be traced to your device. You can't undo what has happened, but God is sovereign & He loves you & wants the best for you, so if you cry out to Him sincerely, then no matter what happens, He will get you through it & it will turn out for your good. This is his promise. [Romans 8:28]. When I struggle with shame & addiction & idolatry, I have found it immensely helpful to confess to, & seek prayer from, trustworthy people in my churches. Without knowing your specific faith, I can only speak from my own experience. But, I know the heart & character of God, & there is freedom only in the name of Jesus, the Lord of life. We all have two choices: lift our chins in pride & tough through it alone, or bow before His throne in humility & call upon the Name of the Lord for salvation of every kind. He is the Architect of the soul, so He can put it right when we turn to Him in our desperation. Be encouraged. Fear the Lord not man nor temporary circumstances. ~C

Jesus2di4U (...

Date posted: 21d

p.s. - my church is reading a book called THE AWE OF GOD by John Bevere, wherein he explores the "fear of the LORD." It doesn't mean to be afraid of Him. It couldn't---b/c He wants an intimate love relationship w/ us, which is not possible if we withdraw from Him in fear. Rather, it means hold Him in reverence, respect, & awe, love what He loves, & hate what He hates, seek to know Him better & to bring glory to His Name by honoring Him with our words & lives. ~C

Givenup

Date posted: 22w

Pocd and dr disrespect

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... Dr disrespect was accused of inappropriately messaging and sending explicit images to a minor, and trying to meet up with them at twitchcon... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped messaging her... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless... I dont ever want to ever be a monster...

Givenup

Date posted: 22w

Pocd and anxiety

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... Dr disrespect was accused of inappropriately messaging and sending explicit images to a minor, and trying to meet up with them at twitchcon... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless... I dont ever want to ever be a monster...

Givenup

Date posted: 9w

One more...

UPDATE: ive TRIED to reduce my posts to once per day in hopes of trying to overcome this... but right now... i genuinely feel so horrible and anxious that i need to post... (For context, in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent a n00d to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly explicitly chatted wjth a minor... i know that this is all my fault, but still...) Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me think i unknowingly explicitly chatted with a minor online or being catfished by a man or kid... making me question every woman Ive ever been flirted with or explicitly chatted with... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor or a man" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s), or being catfished by one" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying... "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." Or that im gonna get catfished by a dude pretending to be a woman online... I assumed that the women who werent verified on there were 18+ on an explicit chat discord server i was on were adults because of the fact it was an 18+ explicit server, so i assumed everyone was an adult on there... for me, I fear the future everyday... as well as despise my past... I dont belong in this world... Im genuinely scared of the future... and this is honestly why I dont want to be famous or an influencer... Ive also been to literotica, a website dedicated to adult explicit literature... they also have a chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... This is why I dont want to be famous or widely recognized... Because not only do i fear someone will "expose" me for my POCD and my Real Events OCD, but im also scared about this entire situation... (edited)

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i overshared and now i’m scared

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