- Date posted
- 21d
Need advice, please help
I have been suffering from ROCD ever since I entered a beautiful relationship with someone amazing. She kept up with me but at times I totally lost control and always assumed the worst about her being unfaithful and what came later was a burst of negative emotions, I always ended up saying or doing stuff that sabotaged the relationship further. After 1.5 years, she finally came to her breaking point and broke up with me, but we still said that we'll wait and see what happens in the future and let's work on ourselves till then. She also said I love you and yes to waiting before she left. Ever since then, my ROCD worsened, suddenly every guy was her moving on and finding a replacement, every attractive guy even following her socials was a threat to me, as now we have broken up, she no longer owes me anything (though she did say that it's me or no one), I found myself all day just checking her socials and even using third party apps to keep a check on her, it has been 22 days since we went no contact and I haven't calmed down a bit. I gave myself time till the first week of October before even going to see her, but these months feel like the longest months ever. Every little thing makes me think about the comfort of her, my mind keeps jumping around with "she's no good" and "she was the best thing that ever happened to me", I have lost all sense of purpose in everything, if I don't check her socials, I feel like I am going crazy, and worst part is, in the moment, I don't even stop and realise that what I am doing is a compulsion, I just lie to myself that one look won't hurt, it's like, my head is so convinced that nothing's going to be okay, so it goes and asks for certainty, by checking, which only hurts me in the long run. I have been a mess, I feel so ashamed, I haven't done anything in life, I have no purpose left, I have to see her next month but, I'm the same obsessed anxious fear driven guy that ruined everything, I want to change this, I want to stop this constant anxiety of being in the flight or fight mode, I am so scared of her being with someone else that I can't help but check again and again, I have no proof of her being with someone else but the moment I see an attractive guy around her I totally assume it. I want to stop this, I want to become secure and defeat my OCD. I used to have pure 0 and contamination ocd at times in 2022, after an year of fighting it, I had finally gotten to a point where it didn't matter and I thought it's gone for good, but turns out, it came back, stronger, as ROCD. Some online advice said to sit with the thoughts of her moving on/being with someone else or write that down, but, I am so scared that somehow if I write it or think about it- what if it manifests into reality? I am not anyone who believes in manifestation actively, but the fear is very real, and I don't know how to get better, I just have 3 weeks to atleast get forward with some sort of improvement, please help..