Breakups with ROCD

Anyone else have ROCD and just go through a breakup? We broke up 2 months ago but I still think about it every day. I moved to another country to study for the semester and yet I still think about it. Is anyone else going through this? Just looking for someone to talk to 🫶 or some advice on how to deal with this (that doesn’t involve compulsions lol). I also made this playlist that has been helping me get through this experience. It’s private so request if you’d like to follow but I’d love to see if it helps anyone else out. Thanks!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6klqvxGgbBuMEYE61G4zLp?si=oxo5LdTTTlSMOCzOa7G2Lw&pt=0160b2efd08ddb94d55252adcbfb7e56&pi=MrYcTDa5SVyIB

clownemoji

Date posted: 6w

yep this is my reality too. so fkn exhausting!!!!!! i moved abroad too and felt so powerless knowing i was an ocean away and still struggling so badly. the only thing that helped me was medication and removing my ex from my orbit entirely because any reminder was a trigger. with ROCD obviously them being around or not doesn’t make much of a difference because at the end of the day, my brain is just going to trigger itself every five seconds out of thin air anyways. but i’m nearly 5 months out now and so much better than i was even just a few months ago. knowing that there are no “future chapters” romantic or otherwise has saved me so much time ruminating over what may or may not happen and how that may or may not relate to the past. just keep chugging along and please be kind to yourself. that shit sucks. but you’re not crazy and you’re not alone! 🫶 mark my words we WILL girlboss our way out of this

Charpotato

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w

@clownemoji Thank you so much 💕 we will girlboss through this!! Do you think removing social media is a good idea too? We went no contact but I got anxious and texted them last night and just said hi but then said it was an accident 😭 but I was wondering if this would be a good chance to say I want to talk about boundaries and unfollowing each other on social media. But I do worry that they might think I’m mad or something and I am hoping to be friends and I don’t wanna cause issues. Have you gone through this?

clownemoji

Date posted: 5w

@Charpotato oh 10000000% remove off of social media. that was like THE WHOLE thing for me. knowing that he would see my stories or posts was so, so triggering for me. and granted, we had a bit of a rough break up, but at the end of it all we were and “are” still friends. like, there is still such a strong fondness for the other. but that was kind of a key reason why i just needed to remove him from my online life. given how social media has become our modern watering hole per se, and especially if you’re navigating this from abroad and are physically estranged from your community, having that social media connection feels like that gross modern equivalent of sharing a campus you used to haunt together. like, is he going to be around this corner? is he going to see me? should i change my outfit? what if he sees my haircut and it reminds him of xxx? what if i bump into him in the library? does he think like this? is he watching for me too? personally, like from day 1, i had always been super open about my struggles/journey/whatever with OCD and how it was always going to be a silent partner in our relationship. he was supportive, and it helped that he also had OCD (though not ROCD) so could relate to a degree. but it just came down to saying, look, i need to be free to heal and grow in my own way free of your influence, which i can’t do with you silently orbiting me the way social media allows. there is always going to be love and respect between us, but my ROCD means that even with no contact, without you anywhere near me, an incarnation of you and our relationship is living with me everywhere i go. i need to exorcise the mental compulsion to return to those distressing feelings and memories every time i blink. and i literally cannot do that if i know that you live in my digital neighbourhood. we are still friends on facebook lol, but neither of us use it. i said to him that this wasn’t me saying, i will hate you until the day i die, if you darken my doorway again i will slash your tires. it’s not a total catch and release. but i need to consciously close the big door of my own volition. i can’t do the catch up calls and i can’t do the “i saw your cousin was in town” shit. no sir. so yeah that’s my wall of text sorry lmao. your mileage may vary! but let me know if you do pursue some sort of path of Hard Closure like this and i’ll be rooting for you so hard.

Charpotato

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w

@clownemoji Thank you so much for all your advice 💕 I’m not sure if I can do hard closure right now but if I decide to thanks for the support. For right now I’m just trying not to engage in compulsions lol and focus on my new life here :)

Date posted: 23w

Struggling with ROCD

I’ve been really struggling with Relationship OCD since I got married, and 3 years later, I’m afraid I’ve lost the love of my life. Between the Relationship OCD, the Religious OCD, and the Sexuality OCD, she couldn’t handle it anymore. Now that she left, the fog of doubt has faded, and I’m realizing how much I truly loved her all along. I just don’t understand how our minds can play such sabotaging tricks on us. And why? I don’t know what to do. I hope and pray we eventually get back together, but I know I need help. I want to do whatever I can to return to a place where she can feel loved by me, the way she did before ROCD took over. Is anyone here going through something similar? Has anyone overcome ROCD? Were you able to repair your relationship? I’d really appreciate any insight or advice. Thank you.

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

OCD around my breakup

My partner broke up with my about 10 months ago. It came out of nowhere, and I got no explanation before they ghosted me and blocked me on all forms of contact. I have been horribly struggling since then with this obsessive need for closure. For a while I continued to try to reach out to them, on my own accord or through other people, but it just kept ending with more blocking. For months, I was going through the relationship and the breakup in my head over and over, picking it apart to try and figure out what went wrong, but without a conversation with my ex, I couldn't get anywhere. I am definitely doing much better now. the compulsions to reach out to her and the spiral obsession with figuring out what went wrong have both lessened. but they are still present, especially when I sleep. I really just want to be rid of the whole situation, but i want to do it in a healthy way without locking up my feelings. i really am at such a loss though. i still want answers and i still miss my ex in a lot of ways, but at the same time, the though of running into them scares the shit out of me. ive heard some horrible things about them since then, and how they have been spreading rumors about me behind my back. the situation cant seem to get any worse and it just keep happening. and it makes my ocd triggers so much worse too. idk, i will take literally any responses and any helpful advice.

qwerty0987

Date posted: 17w

ROCD and breakups

Hey, my girlfriend recently broke up with me and immediately got with a guy she had told me not to worry about. For her side of things, she hadn’t admitted to herself that she had feelings for him but then started thinking she was polyamorous since she says she has feelings for both of us. Since I’m not poly, she decided it wasn’t fair to me if she had feelings for this guy. But it really hurts since 1. I have ROCD and was terrified this would happen 2. They were flirting in front of me the other day after she had assured me she didn’t have feelings for him and 3. They had agreed to date before we had broken up, even if they only made it official afterwards. I can’t help wondering if her feelings for me were all a lie until something better came along, and since this was my first relationship it feels like I’m unlovable. Even if she says she broke up with me because she’s questioning her identity, it still feels like I’m just a side character in the love story of someone else more important and worthwhile. My OCD has really latched onto it all because it feels proven right. Any advice?

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Breakups with ROCD

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