I’ve been signed off work for two weeks. My ocd is literally making my life a living hell I’m still completely convinced I’m riddled with STDs despite negative results. I’m convinced my conjunctivitis was caused by STDs and I will infect myself and my partner will leave me assuming I cheated. I cannot accept this happening. I won’t hesitate to flip out if that ever happened. I cannot live in uncertainty I absolutely won’t

In September I had unprotected oral sex. I haven’t had sex in five years because even before that I was so ashamed and worried about sex. I finally did it and then a few weeks later while I was at work I started to be very itchy all in my underwear area like up to my butt. I didnt see any blisters or anything but when I googled it, herpes came up. Eventually I thought maybe it was the new underwear I bought and it went away after I stopped wearing them. However it’s returned twice, mostly when I’m really worried about herpes. I know this makes little sense because I don’t thinking about it would cause an outbreak but, either way I’m really nervous to go get tested because I heard there’s a high false positive rate and if I get a positive there’s a huge chance I will just become a recluse and never speak to anyone again. I already have so much trauma with sex, vaginismus, etc. I can’t imagine telling anyone I have herpes and then they 1) don’t want to be with me 2) now know this and could tell anyone they want Even if I don’t have it I was reading it could be asymptomatic and 80% of people who have it don’t even know, so now I’m worried I will get it no matter what sex I have. I can barely handle staying alive with just OCD but now with social stigma with herpes I will feel like I can not even live a normal life. I am already freaking out about it and don’t know what to do. I am worried to go get tested and it saying I have it, and then I’m worried to not and potentially spread it, I’m not even having sex with anyone right now so it’s not like I would. But I’m worried I will forget to wash my hands and touch something and someone else will touch it and then get it. I’m just having a really bad time.

My ocd has been at an extreme all time high the past 2 weeks and I am in dire need of some relief. I’m not sleeping right anymore. for context: I live in the south and found a springtail on my sheets about 2 weeks ago. This was like 2 days before our bug guy came and sprayed (it’s a normal maintenance thing here) so it’s a common bug down here and I’ve found them all over different areas of the house before. Finding it in my bed sent me on a bit of a spiral bc I started to doubt if it even was a springtail and that i was wrong and that it was a bed bug, not trusting my brain. It was a bad, sleepless night and carried over continuing feelings. Typical ocd stuff. Well two days later, I’m a nurse and I had a patient that actually had bed bugs. This wasn’t the first day they were here and I did not see any myself but it still freaked me out. There had one 2 founds after visitors came the day before. Of course I wore PPE in the room (coveralls shoe covers and hair net) going in and took everything off before exiting the room. When I came home I stripped in my garage and bagged everything down to my shoes. Threw everything in the wash and did multiple cycles. There were no other steps I could take but I still had a terrible night. Hours of ruminating and going back and forth about tracing my tracks, thinking of new ways I could’ve taken one home with me. Just checking everything. I was already on a spiral from the springtail. Having two such back to back triggering events for me so closely related has made me deteriorate significantly. I was already doing bad with my normal OCD and starting therapy here. I obsess over the thought of having bedbugs constantly and haven’t been able to sleep. I am constantly checking my bed while in it and can’t settle down. My bed is heavy too and I keep hurting myself lifting my mattress to check. But I need to check. I’ve become obsessed. I check everything and go down Reddit rabbit holes looking for new things. And of course, I talk myself into it every time. I can’t take it anymore, it’s bleeding off into other parts of my life like friendship and marriage because I am so high anxiety right now. I need relief so bad. I’ve never felt this unstable to be honest. I feel like even someone without ocd would be really struggling with this topic, nevermind me, with ocd to a point where I just started treatment. These aren’t even my normal intrusive thoughts and compulsive acts. It’s just taken on a life in the last week and I can’t find any sign that it’s going to slow down. when I think rationally I know I did everything right to prevent but I can’t shake it. 💔

As the title says, I’m having a severe breakout while abroad with a friend. It is contamination related and mostly STI related. I am at loss what to do and that ehat I’ve learned I am not able to follow and my intrustive thoughts are going rampant. I am not able tk enjoy my time and I am faking it for my friend. Going back earlier is not an option. What can I do to survive this period? I am not able to distinguish realistic fears from unrealistic ones anymore