I’m so frustrated-ROCD

My fiancée proposed on Monday. I have been waiting for this for a long time so of course I was so excited, called everyone, showed everyone we came across. Tuesday I started planning immediately and reached out to a venue I’ve always had my eyes on to schedule a tour. Later Tuesday night we went out to eat after we went golfing. I saw a friend and she told me about her first wedding, I told her I hadn’t known she’d been married before and as soon as she started talking I knew ocd was gonna grab this and run. She said she was with him for 6-7 years, she hadn’t really liked him but had it set in her mind that they were gonna be together forever, etc. I had been in a flare up already for about a month, it had just started to get better but now it’s on overdrive and I’m just so annoyed and discouraged. I was able to ride the high for 2 days before ocd decided to eat me alive. It’s only been 4 days but when I’m engaged in the planning and seeing the vision of the wedding and stuff I enjoy myself, I can feel the glee and I’m excited but when it gets quiet my brain gets loud. It’s exhausting. I know the facts, I know I love my fiancée. I know ocd is directly attacking my values because marriage is a huge deal to me. I want the 1 and done, same person forever. This man has loved me at my worst and cherished me at my best. And I have the same for him. Even when I told him I was feeling anxious and having a flare up, someone with no mental illness what so ever and really can’t understand what it’s like he was so understanding. It makes me feel so guilty. I wanna be enjoying this with him, every single moment of it, and in the moment I am but as soon as the world goes quiet my ocd can’t shut the f up. 😢

miriamlovesJ...

Date posted: 19h

First off, congrats!! We should absolutely celebrate this exciting moment you get to experience. What a JOY that you have found your person. & I’m also so sorry ❤️ you are in such a beautiful season of your relationship and it makes me so upset at ocd for stealing the joys of it away from you. I totally relate to the quiet moments and that being when the intrusive/fearful thoughts rush in. It sounds like you have an amazing guy, what a gift 🥹 I’m rooting for you guys. I truly pray that you are able to enjoy these days and moments with your fiancé, and continue to conquer the ocd!! It doesn’t get to have the final say.

lbwocd

Date posted: 19h

@miriamlovesJesus Thank you, I appreciate your kind words and prayers 🫶🏼

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 19h

Congrats on your engagement!! Such an exciting time and I’m proud of you for seeing your relationship through to this point. I know that feeling when you want things to be going so well but OCD comes in and tries to steal every moment from you. All I can say is, continue doing what you’re doing. On hard days, I like to picture my thoughts as a ship on the ocean going by and I’m sitting on the beach. When a thought comes in “oh look, there’s a ship going by. I’m noticing it without following that ship. I can allow it to pass without getting on that ship cause that’s not the path I’m taking. Instead, I’m going to go towards my values which is connection and not certainty.” This may take MANY repeats throughout the day but you will get to a place where the thoughts feel less urgent and there’s more space between you and the thoughts. Also remember you can be excited and enjoy your partner AND have scary thoughts. They don’t take away from what’s true.

lbwocd

Date posted: 19h

@Anonymous Thank you! I love these reminders. These are tools I’ve used and that have helped me in the past but it’s been a while since I’ve had to put them to use, so it’s hard to remember in the moment but I’m working on it anyway! I love this community! 🫶🏼

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

@lbwocd It is so hard in the moment cause it feels so real! I’ve had ROCD on and off for 3 years and it is heightened now that I am in a serious relationship with someone I truly love and want a future with. So I feel your pain and you’re not alone! It just means we don’t want to lose someone important to us. I do too!☺️

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

ROCD

I know I love my fiancé so much. The 5 years we have been together have been the best of my life, yet I am questioning everything all the time. The constant doubts and fears and negative thoughts about him are so loud and so persistent. It feels like this will never end

jessmair

Date posted: 24w

Engaged with ROCD- insight needed

Longish post but please stick with me. Hi everyone. I’m just looking for a bit of insight and if anyone else has felt this. It may sound strange and I’ve not had the courage to ask this for a while…. So I’ve been with my partner (27M) for almost 3 years now, I’m (24F). He recently proposed which I was not expecting so soon. We always joked about it and when he said he looked at rings I was happy. I knew it was coming at some point but not so soon. When it happened it’s immensely triggered my ROCD. And I’m struggling with something in particular, I just want to know if anyone else has experienced it/ what the root cause could be so that I can work on it……. When he proposed it’s like my brain put a time stamp on our relationship. All of a sudden I’m counting the days of my relationship/how long I’ve been in one. It’s like my brain is “keeping track” of the amount of days/weeks that I have a relationship. It’s like my brain wants to be in a relationship for a very long time IMMEDIATELY, which is of course not possible. It’s like my brain is saying “you have to break up with him because you haven’t been together a while yet”. It makes it feel like time is going so slowly. I see couples together for 6/7years prior to my age/time and just think “how did they do it”? Same with married couples. It’s like I think “they’re lucky I wish I was at that many years already”. But at the same time, the thought of being with someone for a long time makes me feel anxious and sick and like I have to “escape” or “get out” urgently. I’ve struggled with this particularly for a month now and am just wondering if anyone else has experienced the same or similar? Or can anyone offer insight into what this really could be deep down/root causes, as I REALLY want to figure out why and where it’s coming from. Sorry for the long post. Advice appreciated ❤️✨

olt28

Date posted: 23w

Any tips? I’m really struggling

I have had diagnosed OCD for a while now and I’ve been really struggling with my rocd. My bf and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and it has been great mostly. (I say mostly because of I’m being honest the bad parts are me causing issues due to my rocd) lately I’ve been struggling to trust him in that he will follow through with his word. This was triggered because we had a wedding and a brunch to go to (he doesn’t know the person getting married but was going just to go with me) and he ended up not being able to go due to finals and group projects he had to end up doing work for. This is a completely understandable and reasonable excuse not to be able to attend something, but my brain is now making me feel like he would do that to anything I need him for. And he literally doesn’t. Like we’re going out of town to see family this summer and I’m scared he’ll flake out. We’ve already gotten plane tickets and everything but my brain is like what if . Again it’s so stupid because he comes through almost all the time I invite him to something and when he can’t go it’s usually due to something pretty reasonable that he didn’t foresee. Like he comes to all my family holiday events, goes and runs errands and does things when I ask, comes over everyday to spend time with me. The only times he can’t come to my house is when he has no gas money. We’re both in college and his parents don’t really support him at all so he has to use all his money he makes working during the summer towards expenses and doesn’t often get to buy things for himself and when we are in our hometown, I go to his house more because my parents pay for everything and I help him save his money because he if doesn’t have any he is truly out of luck. Soem days he won’t even eat because he had to use his money on rent of something. But he still manages to go above and behind for me. Always includes me in things he loves to do, picks flowers for me anytime he sees one and buys them when he does have money, he always writes me notes and does sweet things that he knows will make me laugh. He is such a blessing, but of course my brain only focuses on the negative :( he’s so patient with my ocd but I do get tired of bugging him with it.

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