showering and f*ces?? aw

!!TW; f*ces, panic attacks, swearing!! hey everyone, i just needed a little like..idk guidance? help? just to talk/get something out of my chest. i feel like no matter how i try to explain this, it’ll be fucking disgusting. here i go: i had an incident a while ago that involved feces in a public bathroom at my job, overthought the fuck out of it, and was convinced i had Hep A. either way, that has led me into an awful spiral of panic around fecal matter (aka shit). every time i have to shit, i will literally avoid eating to not use the bathroom. then i’ll hold it to try and prolong the process. i wipe then fold wipe and fold, and ive tried to stop folding bc i freak the fuck out that it’s on me when i touch the toilet paper. to the point to where im washing my hands through the process of me shitting. not only that, i will freak out about fecal matter being on the inside of the tissue roll. it’s just..hard. and it shouldn’t be this hard right? idk. and it’s like when i shit then get in the shower, i’ve gotten into a habit of “what if there’s shit on my rag like what if a little got in there?? do i not wash my body?? do i get out?? do i get another rag?? i’m filthy. wash yourself again.” i’ll even smell the rag to i guess..check?? this is so fucking gross. but like i won’t smell shit, it’ll smell like..nothing? or just like..idk like sweat ig? or something idfk and freak myself out bc i don’t smell like the dial soap. that’s what happened tonight and im writing this while my heart is literally beating from my chest. i just..need an outsiders point of view. like please be honest. thank you for reading it if you did

Jaay16

Date posted: 6h

Hey! I have a very similar obsession, I understand entirely and I do not judge. I do not want to offer reassurance to fuel this cycle, and im not a mental health professional, but I have OCD specifically related to fecal and urine contamination. I am going to give you some advice thats helped me with this theme. I'd like to point out what you probably already know, but once a thought starts with "what if.." and then leads to anxiety, it is an intrusive thought. At this point, its important to acknowledge that. Acknowledging that its intrusive separates it from the reality and gives you a basis to start calming down. Related to that, if you need to do an action that serves the sole purpose of relieving anxiety and it feels urgent, likely a compulsion. A friend once told me that if youre thinking about it for longer than 10 seconds, it turns into ruminating, and that's also important to acknowledge for getting yourself composed. Next step is a little tricky but it DOES get easier with practice. Try to explain your next steps out loud, does it sound logical or like a stretch caused by OCD? Explain it as though someone is asking you why you're doing what you're doing. Now, when you reach the step that starts to sound like an OCD stretch, backtrack. Think of how someone without OCD would handle it instead (this part is tricky, because it can also lead to overthinking, but you will get better at it). Identify where OCD is taking over in this thought process. Learning to identify what it is thats happening in terms of OCD before you do a compulsion is so so important to then being able to delay the compulsion, which turns into stopping it. You know the fear of hep A is intrusive, and that the showering is compulsive, and that this is a false memory trigger. Just take the time to identify, compose and delay (then eventually stop) the compulsion. If that makes sense. This is easier said than done, and everyone is different, but I hope this gives you at least some aid.

oneday.x

Date posted: 20w

Really need help, can't move on from contamination

This is a long one lol but basically, a couple of weeks ago I went to the toilet (#2, sorry for the tmi). Let's just say it was messy. I remember that a speck of.. #2.. Fell off the piece of toilet paper. This was probably the worst thing that could ever happen. I can't remember clearly but I'm pretty sure my jeans were on the floor underneath near where the speck could have fallen. There was also a towel. I don't know exactly where it fell as it was so small, but I made sure both the towel and the jeans went in the laundry basket and I cleaned the floor near there. Fast forward to like the next day. My mum does most of the laundry, so she will have picked up all the towels and clothes from the laundry basket and taken them to the wash. The problem is the speck. I don't know where it went but if it was on the towel and she picked it up.... Thus, contaminated mum. And she also puts clothes away that are dry. I remember that day she put my hoodie in my wardrobe, and I haven't worn it since because I feel it is contaminated. I haven't worn the clothes that have touched the hoodie. This leaves me with not a lot of clothes. And today I finally snapped and picked up a sweatshirt that had maybe touched the hoodie. And now I'm just sat here spiralling, wearing it. What if it touched the speck? What if the speck touched my mum and then touched the hoodie which then touched the sweatshirt I'm wearing? Please I'm so scared.

Contamination OCD

GuiltyGrapes

Date posted: 14w

Cleaning and what is and isn’t enough

sorry if im putting to much detail in here I can take it down if it is too much and makes people uncomfy. Last night was watching some ex*pl*cit content while lying on the rug in the room in my house I spend most of my time and where my family usually goes into and it caused a physical reaction. I went to the bathroom to clean up and then sprayed the shower done and put bleach on the floor but I wiped the floor with a towel to kinda clean it but idk if I put enough bleach to clean it and if I got it in the areas that mattered and I sprayed Lysol on the bathroom counter to make sure no germs of my earlier reaction got any where but I ran out of Lysol after spraying everything but I made sure to spray the rug with some Lysol before I ran out but idk if I got everything I mean I focused on the rug but I didn’t spray all of it and I didn’t spray all the stuff that was in the room. And to make things worse after my reaction earlier I put my devices and charger on the floor of my room before washing my hands or my devices so I had to clean the floor in my room I used bleach but I didn’t put it everywhere on the floor which makes me anxious and idk if I cleaned my devices or charger well enough and I’m scared they are still infected. But back to the rug i sprayed it down with odoban it says disinfectant on it but I think it’s only for hard surfaces it disinfects but I still sprayed it around on the rug but I don’t know if it actually disinfected anything. And of course to make matters worse my baby cousins toys were in the room so I sprayed them with what little Lysol I had left but idk if I cleaned it well enough but I already put them with their other toys so idk what to do. After I thought I cleaned everything I put my devices on my mattress I don’t have my blankets on my mattress yet cause I washed them like a week or 2 ago and they are just laying on my bed but not put on my mattress so I’m scared my mattress if infected since I’m laying on my mattress with my feet on my chair and my devices are on my mattress. And idk I don’t want people getting those bad germs in them and I,worry about this a lot and Ik a lot of people will say that it isn’t that huge of a deal and I want to,believe them and it helps but my mind is always telling me that even if that’s true I have a responsibility to make sure everything is clean so people don’t get hurt and it doesn’t help that I’ve been so,itchy and idk why and my little brother is also itchy idk if it’s because I don’t clean well enough and it’s my germs or not but I’m tired do I need,to clean my mattress and covers again and reclean the rug I think I do but I’m trying to go against that thinking but it’s hard because I feel like a bad persons. And today I’m scared to leave my room i feel like I’m filthy and that the rug in the other room is contaminated and it doesn’t help I need to go to the doctor today when I’m feeling like anyone I’m around im infecting

GuiltyGrapes

Date posted: 13w

Im spiraling

Also Im sorry for posting so much about this type of stuff I’m just genuinely terrified and don’t know what to do Ok so last night I (16M) made a mistake of watching some stuff and had a physical reaction and I have a huge fear of bodily fluids and them infecting things and getting people infected because I think that would basically be a crime and of course I was in bed when this happened and worse part is I was on my bare mattress since I washed my covers a week ago and didn’t put them onto my bed yet but they were sitting on my bed if that makes sense and so I decide to shower change clothes spray the part I was laying down on with Lysol and also my chair and I feel asleep thinking I would clean it my room in the morning and also use my deep cleaning rug machine in the other room because I was scared thay room was also infected. So I wake up and my mind is ringing with fear telling me everything is filthy and what really scared me the most was my little brother and I used to share a room and so he had like a pile of his clean clothes on his bed which was by my bed but separated by a dresser and our room is small my chair is in the middle of our two bed and so I was scared that his clothes are now infected and I was panicking so I decided to just get up start cleaning up in the other room in order to clean the rug and I also swept the floor so I could mop later and of course chaos ensued the machine to clean the rug wasn’t working for a good hour before I got it working and then I cleaned the rug and then finished sweeping and I was going to mop before of course I made the same mistake I did last night and now my brain things everything is infected again so I quickly go shower spray the shower with Clorox foam and Lysol on the shower handle and head and I was going to wash it all off later after it sat for a bit but and I sprayed the floor with some Clorox foam just incase someone went in there before I mopped the bathroom floor and wiped it up with a towel I start preparing the mop and yep of course something else happens the pipe in the bathroom I just showered on frayed and water was pouring everywhere I told my dad he stopped it and of course I had to take everything out of the cabinet put it on the bathroom counter but my dad out some stuff in the shower and of course I’m grossed out because I didn’t rinse the Clorox out of it so to me that stuff got dirty and my dad can’t fix the sink until tomorrow so everything in there is sitting in limbo and my dad also used the mop I was gonna use to mop the house to get the water up that was covering the bathroom floor. But I mopped anyway cleaned the floor in my room and the bathroom along with what I could get in the house. Afterwards I start cleaning my room more wiping down the chair with a Lysol wipe and the dresser separating out bed I started throwing slot of stuff away like cards, coins, mail it was cluttered anyway and I tired wiping everything down to clean it the dresser the tv controllers my phone and iPad stuff like that I put some of my coins in a back I out back onto my dresser after wiping them with a Lysol wipe or ATLEAST trying and I threw some of my brothers clothes into the laundry room because I was scared it was infected I moved some stuff out of my room because I’m honestly scared to go back in there because I don’t want to get dirty again. So now I’m lying in a different room typing this terrified I forgot to clean something which would put someone at risk and thinking of how I need to go back in my room to wash my bed covers and clean my mattress but I’m so stressed I have a headache and my laptop is broken I think so another thing on my plate and I’m spiraling and have no idea what to do

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showering and f*ces?? aw

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