Kind of losing hope? I had a really really bad relapse because I saw a naked woman.

I don’t even know what thoughts are real anymore.

I feel like it’s real though, like I can be turned on by boobs and I was in the past. I hate this I can’t even be happy anymore. Like a straight girl couldn’t be turned on by naked women

@nervousanchovy99 Are u still? if not forget about the past the past doesn’t make the present

@JS0406 Yeah, I mean I can be turned on by lesbian porn and looking at like boobs

@nervousanchovy99 Which scares me even more

@nervousanchovy99 I mean you can be turned on by any porn and anything sexual doesn’t mean you want it

@JS0406 Thank you? this has been slowly killing me

@JS0406 But what about the boobs thing? I don’t get turned on by women in person or check out the boobs of women I know. But like in porn or in sexual material I can. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

@nervousanchovy99 Yeah that’s normal, I don’t know who I am either but I just remember what I really want and desire and what makes me happy.

Okay now I’m even more afraid because I don’t get turned on by naked men.

@nervousanchovy99 But I get crazy crushes, want to be with them, feel stuff when they touch me

@nervousanchovy99 Same here. Something I find comfort in is when a guy touches me I get turned on and my body naturally responds, no matter what I think. But for a girl not once do I remember getting turned on. Even now if I feel something it’s cause I’m scared I’m going to feel something.

@anne_powell Same. With the exception of sexy women in porn, where I can get turned on, but not by fantasizing about being with them if that makes sense? I just want to be sexy too. But is that thought process denial? I do not even look twice and women’s bodies in person. Like ever.

@nervousanchovy99 And same I’ve had quite a few crushes. Always loved boys. As a little girl I would make my girl dolls into boys by cutting their hair short and drawing mustaches on them so they can date eachother. Always wanting guys to fall all over me. Going through a tomboy stage cause the person in the book I was reading got all the boys and she was like that so I was like “oh I can be like that” and all this stuff so ya. I also remember telling my mom the boy I liked asked for my number (as a kid I was abused by a guy so I get lots of anxiety), and I remember feeling giddy around him lol.

@anne_powell When I went on my first date with my boyfriend I felt alive. My heart was leaping and I wanted him to touch me, I wanted to touch him. Everything felt electric. I’ve had beautiful friends who were girls and only ever felt jealousy. But ocd doesn’t care.

@nervousanchovy99 I mean hocd kinda makes you look at a women’s body to check if your attracted to it, does that happen to you as well? That happens to me. And all that stuff. And in porn I’m disgusted by the thought of doing that in real life and don’t rlly find the sexual pleasure in boobs like I do a guys chest lol, but I just find the female body pretty, not hot. And same I fantasize about a guy doing stuff to me, that’s what always comes to my mind.

@anne_powell I can’t get turned on by porn unless it’s a GUY using the girl.

@nervousanchovy99 I feel. The first time my ex touched my thigh I was sooo turned on and wanted him to go further. Legit I texted my friend and went “omg bro I wanted him to go up.” When I hugged him it felt like I was home. I miss having those feelings for a guy:(

@nervousanchovy99 Do you look at girls in public cause of your ocd as well?? I’ve heard that being a thing.

@anne_powell Yes. But all I feel is intense anxiety. I hate going to class because of this

@anne_powell And same. I used to fool around with my boyfriend for hours. Now I’m just afraid

@nervousanchovy99 I also just remembered like 2 months ago dancing provactively with a guy friend and getting rlly turned on. And same I’m 17 and a senior and just kinda broke up about 2.5 months ago w/ my boyfriend / best friend thing whatever (it was super complicated for 1.5 years) and ya:/ so I get so much anxiety.