What type of OCD is this and how can I conquer it?

This peaked during the pandemic, but for a while my OCD would tell me that everyone was actively trying to kill and humiliate me at all times. I was convinced that there were cameras in my house and toilets and showers, and i refused to shower for a week at one point. I convinced myself that people could see through my eyes and just felt super watched and paranoid at all times, and would sometimes have panic attacks at school because of these thoughts. I also couldn't leave my food alone in a room because i thought "they" would poison it. Who was "they"? Idk i just felt super paranoid all the time. These thoughts greatly impacted my life. For example, one time i was making myself food and i spent 30 mins picking out the right bowl because i had convinced myself that all of them were poisoned but one of them. However, i was aware that these were irrational thoughts, but you know how OCD is. I became heavily suicidal because since i thought people were planning to kill me, i wanted to be the one to take myself out. it was a super dark time and my mom wasn't supportive at all. when i opened up to her, she took it as a stab at her parenting and grounded me. i eventually saw a therapist and am mostly better but i still have my compulsions from this time. to counter these thoughts i created incantations i would recite in my head, and in my head it felt like these phrases were like magic spells that could, for example, turn off the cameras in my house. i had a different phrase for every OCD thought and some have merged into one, but i still recite them to this day and it takes alot of time out of my day. for example, before i shower i have to recite my phrases or else i feel super panicky. i also have rules for them? like i can't recite the same phrase more than one time in an hour or it will cancel itself out and i won't be able to "turn it back on" until the next hour. anyway, i know this was a lot of words, but im just curious on if anyone had a similar experience and what classification these OCD thoughts even fall into.

OCDMM

Date posted: 21h

I had some of this when I was younger. I thought I was being poisoned constantly and people were breaking into my room and sabotaging me. I guess this would fall under magical thinking OCD. I also had a lot of rituals to undo something or counteract it.

squid821

Date posted: 21h

First I must tell you you are definitely not alone in these types of thoughts and that I've been there before. 🫂 I'm sorry that your mom wasn't supportive or willing to try to understand. It seems like this may fall under a few categories like magical thinking, contamination, and just right OCD and more. But, they are all coming from the same place - OCD. I'm not a therapist but I've had similar experiences at the height of my symptoms and I hope you find the support and help that you are seeking because I know how hard it is to feel this way. ♥️

Abbibi

Date posted: 20h

@squid821 thank you so much! it's so relieving to know i'm not alone in this because i felt so crazy for the longest time. i think im making good progress in overcoming this!

pollydol

Date posted: 19w

I kill people with my mind

I don't know what this is, I don't know enough about OCD, my psychiatrist put me on a medication and told me I have OCD and a mood disorder but I didn't ask any questions because I didn't want to be annoying. I have "evidence" that every year, when I think about death, the world kills someone I love, and it always happens twice. I have nothing to help change that, like, I don't do anything with my thoughts or anything numbers or ritually, so I wasn't sure if it even was OCD, but I do move my hands in certain ways to make my friends happy or improve their lives. Also I cant turn off my fan or something SA related will happen (i dont know how) I think that the world is threatening me, and that if I do something wrong or involve myself with certain things, the world will punish me and the people around me, so all I can do is apologize I've tried looking into the different types of OCD, and all of them are things that I've been anxious about before, but I haven't really been so anxious about any one of them in particular or held onto it for so long, or done any rituals, that I would probably not even say I have OCD. Like, I worry that I'm a nazi, I worry that I like kids, I worry that I killed my friend, I worry that I have schizophrenia or am somehow giving myself it, I worry that I'm going to abuse someone, I worry that I've already abused someone, I worry that somehow I might die, I worry people can hear my thoughts, I worry about ignoring my friend when he cried out for help, I worry that God has already rejected me from heaven, I worry that I like women, I worry that if I don't hit the hammer 9 times on the wall when Im using it that just something bad will happen that I dont know what and I don't know why, and I feel like I don't have a single compulsion that can even "fix" or bring relief to any of these things besides saying sorry, because if I say sorry at least people know that I am apologetic for the crimes I've committed, but saying sorry doesn't fix anything except my own guilt so I'm just a bad person looking for sympathy or seeking attention I don't know enough about OCD, and I don't know how to seek help for my condition because I don't even know if that's really what I have, if I'm not just simply anxious, or possibly schizophrenic Does any of this seem familiar to anyone? Can it be this varied and unfocused? Does this really sound like OCD, or can it be anything else, because I don't want to bark up the wrong tree when I could just be taking medication for something else.

عthan

Date posted: 14w

Lots of more mild experiences with OCD.

Hello. I joined this app because I realised my experiences might be due to OCD. I often have these really disgusting and terrible pictures of me becoming someone horrible, doing horrible things to others. These ideas really disturb me, and often in my mind, and physically sometimes, I literally scream quitely to myself, "Shut up!" Over and over until the image goes away, but unless I distract myself with something else immediately after, it comes back and gets worse. I also end up looking back on these thoughts, and being terrified that maybe I am thinking of this because it is what I truly want, so I end up desperately trying to filter my thoughts, and this ends up carrying into something like SO-OCD, even though I am confident that I am a straight male, and there is no evidence that I am not, I keep trying to prove to myself that I am straight to make the thought go away. I also get the fear that after I maybe do something and say something I know I maybe shouldn't have to someone, that when they leave, or I can't find them for a bit, they have gone to commit suicide. Likewise, I also get intrusive thoughts of me killing myself, even though I have no desire to, and this scares me a lot as well. I used to occasionally get these thoughts in chunks like maybe for 2 weeks and then I wouldn't for another few weeks, but they have gotten worse and more frequent this past semester. They are still not bad enough to actively effect my daily life and routine, but they definitely come frequently enough to distract me, disrupt what I'm doing and make me take a break, and it has dramatically effected my mood and mental state lately. Do you guys recommend any ways to deal with this, is this really severe enough to even call OCD? Would love to hear, thanks! ❤️

ellabellanut...

Date posted: 11w

What OCD types do I have?

hi everyone!! so idk if anyone will see this, but i guess i have a lot of questions. i got diagnosed with OCD about 2 years ago or so but i’ve had it for as long as i can remember. my obsessions and compulsions root from my worst fears and what i’m most afraid of losing. when i was really young, it started with doing things or else the devil was going to come and get me, because that was my worst fear at that time. i have to count, i usually do things in pairs of 3. i HATE even numbers. only odd numbers. sometimes i spend a lot of time redoing something over and over and over again just until it feels “right.” i have super bad sensory issues. i cut the tags out of everything i own, my nails have to be short or else i will dig them into my skin until i bleed because it just doesn’t feel right. at school i used to be late to class because i would be at my locker turning the combination either 3, 7, 9, 11, or 13 times. it just depended on what felt right. before i would go to bed i would have to sit up and check the door 3 , 7, 9… etc. one time i had to check 27 times before i could go to sleep. i’m actually scared of getting things i want in life because my OCD will hold it against me. “you better do this or else you’ll lose this.” the more happy i am in life, the worse my OCD gets. it prays on my worst fears. if there is even something slightly wrong with my clothes: a tiny thread hanging lose, a bad memory attached, i will never wear it again. there’s one thing im sorta embarrassed to say but it’s one of my worst ones. basically: peeing. at night, i have to continuously go to the bathroom over and over again because i feel like my bladder isn’t completely empty. i will keep telling myself “it’s full, i have to go.” even when i just peed 5 minutes ago. and due to this, it causes a lot of wiping. i have wiped myself raw to the point i bleed a lot. it’s embarrassing, but i can’t stop. it never feels clean enough. my hair is never perfect enough. my clothes are ugly. i think i mostly struggle with perfectionism OCD. but is that it? i also feel like if i don’t do certain things, it will cause something bad to happen to my family or friends. like i have magical control over events. i don’t know. can someone help please?

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What type of OCD is this and how can I conquer it?

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