I’m just tired

of OCD jumping to new “areas of concern”once I finally start making headway with accepting uncertainty about a previous body part. This disorder is too smart, but I am resilient even though I’m so so exhausted of dealing with it. I want to put all of my fears and worries down, yet I find it’s still difficult to let go of habitual, reactive patterns of behavior. Please, brain, just stop scanning for “threats” and tricking me into thinking extreme worst case scenarios. *I didn’t see a body/face dysmorphia subtypes but this is in reference to that

eye-dr0p

Date posted: 12d

Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m having a really hard night and this makes me feel less alone. I am also so sorry that you’re dealing with this.

Anonymous

Date posted: 12d

YUPPP. Me me me. My topics have jumped around throughout my lifetime but recently they have jumped to my most vulnerable fears- multiple at once which has never happened to me previously. I feel like I need to plan and constantly scan for threats, and the worst part is they are actual threats that could potentially happen- allergic reactions and school shootings (started a new job in a school). I also have a history of body dysmorphia where I would constantly check that I look the same as what I see in the mirror because I feared I looked somehow different than what I believed myself to look.

Anonymous

Date posted: 12d

Hi I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for about two months now. It’s mostly related to relationships and people. My OCD always targets the things I care about the most — it finds what’s most precious to me and attacks it, even connecting it to my body. Lately, I’ve been getting intrusive thoughts about certain people. But two days ago, I had the scariest one yet, and I really need help understanding how to deal with it. Here’s what happened: There was a girl in front of me who said she was traveling. My mind suddenly told me, “This is the last time you’ll see her — don’t connect any obsessive thought to her.” But of course, the opposite happened. At that exact moment, I was swallowing, and my brain suddenly linked the act of swallowing with the thought that I had swallowed my emotions and feelings and that they got stuck in my throat — and that somehow this was connected to seeing that girl. After that, she left, and now my brain keeps telling me that I’ll never return to normal or release my feelings from my throat unless I see her again. It’s like my mind made that a condition for me to feel okay. For the past two days, I’ve been terrified — shaking, crying, and unable to calm down. Please, if anyone has experienced something similar or knows how to overcome this kind of intrusive thought, I would really appreciate your help and advice.

Anonymous

Date posted: 12d

😭

karmad

Date posted: 14h

Ah this disorder is smart as you say. Do you know why it is? It’s because you’re smart. It’s strong because you are strong. It’s very much a reflection of your own power. Likewise when we see this we can begin to understand we are the creator of all things. OCD is a manifestation it’s built out of some of our very best bits but it’s taken things way too far We begin dismantling it by seeing a certain few things A thought arises. It causes a chemical response in our bodies and together we have an emotional whole feeling result. Your body is trying to listen to the signals and those signals are over exaggerated and misfiring. They’ve had a lot of practice for many people. Everything is patterns. The more practice we have in any pattern the more it becomes automatic. When we begin to challenge the existing patterns there’s a shift that occurs and ocd is very good at going sideways. We squash one of its concepts and it attempts to find a new one. Neuronal pathways form all the time but particularly strong ones during moments of trauma. They’re like roads. The more bad experiences or communication we send down then the wider they become A dog bites you and two ends begin to send signals in the brain One side say all dogs are bad, the other says be afraid of all dogs Now if we can get past the fear and stop listening so strongly to those signals and engage in new experiences with good dogs a new connection occurs - not all dogs are bad, don’t be afraid of all dogs. The more experiences either good dogs we have that road becomes a highway. The old road with the negative reduces. It never goes away fully but can get to be a small windy track that rarely ever has traffic. It’s how memory works too From reading your post above I can see you’re in the right track. You can see habituation I kiek to note ocd is a bully. Many people worn ocd won’t question the thought they question themselves or go sideways with rumination and extra worries of what something means etc Rumination and extra worry’s as far as Dr green urge is concerned should be treated as compulsions. We don’t want to engage our compulsions but we can get there but starting to doubt the validity of everything it says, because it’s a bully. It takes things form us worries us and restricts us. I often suggest people don’t say “my ocd”. While we are the creator of everything it’s an unwanted guest. Keep seeing it as not a friend. But know you’re far far stronger than it is. Note moments you’ve had enough and have been able to disengage it and or challenge it directly or find out alter what it thought was an exaggerated lie You’ll begin to see what I see Mindfulness can help ground us. I say to mine maybe you’re right maybe not but I’m going to see. When it’s challenged directly how quiet it goes sometimes If I ignore the adrenaline and cortisol being released and see it’s misfiring because it interests danger and puts me in fight or flight mode just like animals I can ride the anxiety wave even if it feels horrible and seperstely eels won’t that and the thought I think you’re doing well. Keep it up keep practicing new paths. Eventually our doubt of the ocd garbage and being sick and tired of its lies exaggerated concepts and the stupid shit we feel like we have to do to avoid it all become powerful weapons against it. We run from a tiger on a rope attached to us We try to fight it But all we need to do is stop and observe it. It gets smaller

Vee <3

Date posted: 24w

Heyyyy!

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

Sexual Orientation OCD

sofiaraaah7

Date posted: 24w

Triggering posts

I sometimes see posts on here of people saying their OCD fears becoming true and it’s so so triggering for me. It makes me question if I ever had OCD and if I’m just faking it. I’ve tried to accept that my fear was real. Okay? Before I knew this was OCD, I really TRIED to accept it as a part of myself because I figured if I was even having those thoughts, it must be true. But in reality it just made me feel worse in the end. It wasn’t until several hours/few days after accepting the thoughts as true did I realize they were not and how uncomfortable it made me identifying with them that way, so eventually I went back into the rumination cycle. And I’ve done this multiple times. No matter how much I’ve accepted it as real, I never come to a conclusion in the end and I just get 10x more miserable. And I am still so scared of my fear coming true as those peoples did. But I know that’s what we all fear, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. And with a new fear I just developed, (all in the realm of the same theme) I’ve also tried to accept it as real when I felt SUPER convinced and even though it felt excruciatingly real, there was a part of me that couldn’t fully believe it, because I just know viscerally that it’s not. But the feeling of it being real is just too powerful and it overmastered any ounce of insight I had left. It wasn’t until my OCD spike calmed down when I was able to see through the viel. I hate this. I have no desire to do anything that my thoughts tell me. I know what I want to be, want to do, and it’s the opposite of those OCD thoughts. But these triggering posts won’t leave. (Not really the publishers fault, it’s my ritual that I engage in). They make me come all back to square one (if I wasn’t there already) and question if I’m using this as an excuse. I don’t want to do what my OCD tells me to do, but my brain just spits, “you’re just convincing yourself you don’t want this!” as it so often now does. I’m so tired. Please give me my old self back. Please give me 100% certainty that none of this is real and my fears are not at all based in reality. My brain cannot accept uncertainty and will not leave me alone. My brain is raged and powerless without knowing why, and spiels that anger back on me to get a reaction, and when it gets what it wants, the cycle continues. And goes way longer than I had bargained for :(

pureonnoyance

Date posted: 11w

ROCD, Pure O are torture

I’m just realizing I have OCD. I have been diagnosed with adhd, autism and CPTSD but OCD never occurred to me until recently. My OCD manifests internally (pure O) then I seek reassurance for whatever topic I’m fixating on so of course I chalked it up to anxiety but it’s so much more than that. And I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember. Now it’s really messing with my life. Lately, it’s been ROCD that’s been ruining me. I had a couple deep wounds created by my husband a few years ago and I’m constantly fixating on if he’s lying, really loves me, and or he wants to leave me. I’m constantly asking for reassurance and I think he’s getting tired of it. He’s an otherwise great partner but the OCD has really kicked in after I found out he was hiding a porn addiction, he hid it twice and it really ruined my self esteem and trust in him. Now I get triggered by every pretty girl I see, every social media post about relationships, I fixate on how unattractive he might find me or what’s wrong with me. I’m also aging in my thirties so I obsess over if he is getting less attracted as I age . I feel pathetic. Of course he always tells me I’m beautiful and he loves me but I’m always suspicious that he’s not being honest. I’ve always had OCD but this is the worst I’ve been with my relationship. I’m melting down and doubting us often and especially at night. It’s been a few years now and I feel like it’s gotten so hard. When I was younger it was health OCD, then it was existential, and I definitely fixate on if I’m “good” morally too. I’ll confess and overshare to people all my mistakes. And on top of the ROCD, I have pure OCD and get the worst images and intrusive thoughts at work/ random places and it’s horrible because I work with vulnerable people. My biggest nightmare and fear is pedophilia or assault, and I care deeply about my kids and vulnerable people so it’s like my mind hates me and these horrible images and thoughts fly at me l. I would never ever harm my kids or vulnerable people so this is especially disturbing and mortifying. I learned that OCD is ego dystonic and that’s helped but the images still make me feel awful. I also have been the scapegoat and black sheep in my narcissistic abusive family so I will my OCD will fixate on if I AM the narcissist! It’s exhausting. It got worse after I encountered my abuser in my family earlier this year and he brought up a lot of trauma. He is actually a narcissist but my brain will try to convince me that I am, and I will give in to the compulsion then do quizzes and tests and of course they tell me I’m not a narcissist, but then my OCD will make me think I am. I’m very empathetic and terrified of hurting people yet my brain tries to convince me I’m horrible, then the reassurance seeking and anxiety that manifests from my OCD and trauma makes me feel so self absorbed and sick of myself, convincing me I’m narcissistic for thinking of myself so much. I’m so exhausted by this. My brain tortures me. The overthinking is hard to combat. I really try hard to accept these thoughts as just thoughts but there’s always that voice creeping in that maybe the intrusive thoughts are right. Maybe I’m terrible and unlovable. I hate it.

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I’m just tired

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