Thought that affected intimacy

Hi everyone, So recently I was out and about and I had a thought that “what if you’re attracted to her”, “it feels like you are”, “why are you staring at her”, “are you trying to look pretty to her”, etc. which really bothered me. I’ve been going these past few days saying “okay I have this thought, it doesn’t mean anything and I don’t need to figure it out” but it keeps making me feel icky and guilty and just depressed… i tried being intimate with my husband the other day and normally I can push things aside but it just kept popping into my head which made me feel so uncomfortable I couldn’t even enjoy intimacy which then makes me feel even worse. Idk what’s going on my I just want to cry, I’m so tired…

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w

This is where you need to learn to stay in uncertainty and stay in the present. "Maybe I am, and maybe I'm not attracted to her, but I'm not pursuing her now, I'm not planning to pursue her and I have a choice." OCD is dedicated to ruining our day by making us ruminate over the intrusive thought. When we deal with it by staying in uncertainty and in the present, we take away OCD's power. It's like slowly letting the air out of a balloon. Are you in therapy with a trained OCD therapist who uses ERP therapy?

Animallover065

Date posted: 5w

@Steven55! Yeah I actually just recently started going to therapy. Only a few sessions in. I just really struggle where it just keeps coming back. It’s like if I give it attention it comes back, if I don’t, it still comes back

Lola

Date posted: 5w

@Animallover065 Does your therapy help you I need something really strong like erp I think because otherwise I just keep going and think it’s going to get better itself id rather do something hard that sticks

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w

You just began therapy. Many times, when you begin ERP therapy you'll see a spike. It's because you're standing up to OCD, and the disorder is trying to keep you on its treadmill. Work with your therapist, do the ERP exercises and you'll see a decrease in flare ups.

maaria

Date posted: 6w

I am lowkey going through the same thing, but mine was about POCD. So annoying because once my crush starts reminding me of my trigger, I get so scared and well he usually stops being my crush. But this time I don’t want it to happen, I don’t know why, but I don’t want it to happen. I want to not associate him with that intrusive thought. But rn I don’t know if I can do it, because I couldn’t separate them in the past once I saw that. I want to go back in time and stop that from ever happening

Lola

Date posted: 5w

@maaria Hi can you explain this more I want to understand better I am here to listen

maaria

Date posted: 5w

@Lola Hii!! Sorry for taking so long to answer but I am now preparing for mock exams and didn’t really have energy nor time. What I meant is that I develop a crush on a guy, and somehow my brain makes a connection of him with a trigger I had for my ”episode” in the past. I try to tell myself that it does not matter and this is not true, it does not true my intrusive thought is true, but I usually end up in what ifs and well the crush goes away. This time it happened again but idk why but this time specifically I am fighting so this crush wouldn’t be ruined. Maybe I have a chance with him but idk if he’ll ever notice like actually notice me ever

Lola

Date posted: 5w

Hi I would say talk to someone because even weekly sessions can help you a lot they can give you tips rather than fighting it on your own. We are meant to seek help you will get better but remember nothing changes if u don’t do anything so I would say ask for help and that’s me encouraging you

Animallover065

Date posted: 5w

@Lola Thankfully I have a super supportive husband it’s just hard because it’s the same stuff over and over again

Feelinghope

Date posted: 5w

How do you learn to be confident in the fact that these thoughts aren’t just thoughts from OCD and not what is truly true

Animallover065

Date posted: 5w

@Feelinghope I mean that’s the thing with ocd, it makes you doubt everything so you aren’t confident which is what gives you anxiety

Feelinghope

Date posted: 5w

What helps? I’ve started drinking more just to quiet the thoughts but that’s not a good solution

Animallover065

Date posted: 5w

@Feelinghope Honestly drinking just makes it worse especially if you’re out in public. I think the best thing right now is being on meds and seeing an ocd therapist. It took me a while but I’m glad I finally did it

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