So I’ve been counting for a while now and by counting I mean like I blink 6 times or take 6 steps or breath in 6 or hit back space on my phone 6 times. I have also developed a sort of fear of germs and I can’t touch people skin to skin and I can’t tell if this is ocd or if I’m just making it up. I read a book about a girl with ocd and she had similar symptoms so I can’t tell. I’ve also been having a hard time with going outside and trusting people and such because I’m always worried I’m going to die or that I’m being watched. And I can’t really eat out because I think they poisoned the food. Is this ocd? Any opinion would be great! Thank you :)

I’m going crazy right now and need help, is it possible I have Pure - O. Now a few years ago I remember I was home alone (my mom works a lot.) and I was having a bag of chips. I took a chip in my mouth and it didn’t taste right. It tasted like... plastic! I felt like I was choking, I called 911 and explained how I felt like there was plastic in my throat, they asked if I needed an ambulance and I said no because I was supposed to go with my aunt somewhere soon, I hung up and soon after I experienced something I NEVER had before. I had a panic attack. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my heart was racing fast, it felt like the room was spinning and getting smaller, it lasted for about 2 minutes but it felt like it lasted forever. Soon after she came to get me and throughout the rest of the day I felt like I was going to die. Then for the next month or 2 I was convinced I was going to die. I couldn’t be alone, I refused / avoided eating Incase I choked on a piece of food and died, I was afraid of sleeping alone. I didn’t want to go to school Incase I died, I couldn’t go over to friends houses because I was afraid (I still do that to this day :((...) if I wasn’t near my mom I was panicking and even when I was with her I was panicking. Whenever I got a panic attack or whenever I felt a sensation (heart skipped a beat, got a tingle in my arm, etc) I immediately thought “IM GOING TO DIE.” So I quickly looked up symptoms of how I was feeling on google and came up with all these diseases / illnesses I was convinced I had. My mom took me to therapy for it and I originally went there for this but somehow we got on these other subjects? Like how I am in school, how I am in social situations, how my home life was. And I guess it helped but I still get like that to this day sometimes. With what I’m really hoping and praying for is HOCD because I experienced this last summer AND this summer. I experience some of the same symptoms, can’t be alone, afraid to be near female friends, more like any friend in general now. I’m avoiding some of the activities I used to enjoy incase I got a groinal response / thought I was attracted to the females. (Just typing that I wanted to type out males instead because that’s what I was attracted to before all of this.) I can’t even sleep in my own bed because I’m terrified. I’m only the room above my mom but I just can’t be alone. Sometimes I have this strange/uncomfortable urge to come out and I didn’t feel like that before besides last summer and this summer and it scared me. Last summer when I had the episode I told my mom and she said she’d love me no matter what but I didn’t feel better at all. When I went back to school I was scared but then I started developing crushes on boys again. (I even wanted to go to school to see this guy and I hate going to school!) I even believe I had my first love, this guy named Aiden. I did whatever I could to make myself seem cool to him. We have similar interests, he has an amazing personality and he ain’t so bad looking either lol. Whenever he called me cute or gave me any compliment I got these butterflies in my tummy. I’d want to stay up ALL NIGHT to talk to him. At first we were internet friends and then we met and I couldn’t stop being nervous, but a good nervous. When he hugged me I didn’t want to let go. I was so tempted to just brush my hand up against his and hold it. I tried to dress up my best (with what I could) to make myself look nice. I put on tons and tons of perfumes to smell nice. I felt great. Now with this it feels like I never felt that way or how my past crushes were lies. I remember when I was younger (before I understood what family was) I found my cousin attractive, I found cartoon characters (male) attractive. Even last year when I was in culinary (cooking) some of the guys, the way they wore their uniforms were attractive. This one guy named Michael was VERYYY attractive, he had the looks and he had a nice personality. I’m not the girliest girl and my perfect romantic night was staying in and playing video games and eating snacks with my boyfriend, not a big fancy dinner. ( I come from a poor background so my mind is quantity over quality) so like why spend so much money on one fancy dinner when you can get like SOOO much more at McDonald’s or something??? So maybe that stems from that but it’s just so annoying. I wanted to be with this boy (my crush) before all this started and now it’s so hard. He knows about my situation and he helps me relax and before I felt so happy he cared, I felt so loved but now it feels like a drag. Everything now feels like a drag. Is this pure - O? Am I crazy?

i read some things about ocd and the different types of it and symptoms and I can honestly relate to them (im not trying to diagnose myself with ocd but I think I have a type of ocd) lemme explain: so like this been happening since the summer. me and my best friend did something sexually together and me and her afterwards wasn’t okay after that and she told me how she felt afterwards and after that I felt totally disgusted and sick about myself and that’s when all the intrusive thoughts started. I keep having the urge to kill myself everyday I keep thinking about death and it’s getting to the point that I can’t eat because after I eat something I immediately think I’m gonna die because I ate something. When I’m at school or in public I have bad anxiety and thoughts about me dying. And after the situation happened with my friend (I’m Christian) I just feel like God is so disappointed in me because what I did. Nobody knows this situation. Nobody knows what’s REALLY going on with me. Im trying to stay strong but it’s getting really hard to im at my breaking point the thoughts are getting worse and worse everyday I wake up with these intrusive intense thoughts. I want help. But idk how to help myself. I try to go to my mom for help she doesn’t understand me nobody understands but me.

It started a month ago on vacation. I started getting intrusive thoughts about harming my loved ones in their sleep and it scared me so bad. I thought it would stop but it only got worse. Here I am a month later and things have changed drastically. My thoughts have now shifted to becoming some serial killer. I am so worried it’s all I think about. I can’t stop thinking about the things I did as a kid and how it could validate all my thoughts. I don’t wanna hurt anyone or anything at all. I am so scared of the thought of the notorious serial killers that I’ve heard about in the past and I can’t stop comparing myself to these horrible people. I’m scared because I used to be mean to animals as a kid and people say this is the first thing to look for in serial killers. I remember still having a lot of empathy for them when I was young too. I look back and cant at all understand why I was like that. It makes me wanna breakdown and punch myself. All of that stopped a really long time ago and every since I have done nothing but helped and empathized with animals. I am every surrounded by them and consider them to be more family than pets. I get extremely upset over anything or anyone who is suffering. I just can’t get that memory of me doing that stuff out of my head and I’m afraid it means it validates my thoughts I’ve been having even though this is not what i want to happen. I’ve been completely avoidant of alcohol and refused to take a medication I was prescribed because irritability was a side effect and I’m afraid of snapping and hurting someone. I just can’t stop thinking about my past and how it could correlate to now. Even though I have grown up to have morals and respect for everything I have a fear that it’s all been a lie. I get so much anxiety from thinking about this stuff. I haven’t eaten in almost 3 days because my stomach is in a constant knot and when I do eat I feel too guilty to do so because I’m not paying attention to these thoughts and sometimes it makes me question whether I secretly want to do bad stuff which I don’t and that scared me so bad. I made an emergency appointment right after I started having these thoughts and they diagnosed me as having schizotypal personality disorder. They said I have been having ocd “tendencies “ because I have the thoughts and constantly googling everything which I guess would be a compulsion. I have been looking on forums for people with past actions similar to mine to see other peoples reactions. I’m not sure what this is anymore. Idk if this is ocd or I’m just using it as an excuse. All I know is that I’m extremely scared. I vowed if this stuff as everything something I would even think about doing I would take myself out before I ever hurt anyone else. It’s scary but it’s what I always tell myself when I doubt any of this.