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Wow there's a lot here, thank you for sharing so much detail. I'm going to start off by being honest and blunt: I'm 32, male, and I was DEFINITELY still a child at 18 years old. I also just got out of a relationship with toxicity that sounds very similar to what you and him have going on. Ending that relationship was a major relief for me. Also, my childhood dog passed when I was in my second year of college. I had just started the year and so far I'd gone home every weekend because I loved her and knew it was near the end. It was hard to get over, but my parents described everything to me and were very comforting about it. I got through it. I'm ok with the fact that I wasn't there now. Right now I'm focused on my 4 cats and making a career change. I don't feel like I have room for a relationship right now. I think that's something a lot of people miss: Your life is most important. There are things you go through that make it simply not a good time to start a relationship. It's really hard to decide to be alone. There's something really magical and comforting about feeling like you have a partner, even when they're no good for you. At this point in my life, I feel like sitting with the discomfort of not having a partner is a necessary part of life. Going through it lets you achieve what's necessary for you. It's like you have to face the fear of dying alone until you're comfortable with it. Then, you begin to focus on yourself, achieve, and become the confident person who can attract the right people and say no to the wrong ones. Meeting in person is a huge step. Moving in together is even bigger. My first relationship wasn't toxic, but it felt like a completely different thing once we moved in together. We went to the same school for 2 years. Were long distance for 2 years, and then moved in for 2 years. It felt like the last two years were when I really got to know her. As a 32 year old who went through a 6 year not toxic relationship and a 1 year toxic one, when I read your post my mind was screaming at me to tell you not to meet this guy. I think that's the right call. I don't really care if it's my OCD, yours, or both I think the fact that you want to be with your dogs for their final moments says everything I need to know about you. It's making me tear up as I write this lol. I think you should focus on them, your family, and forget this guy. I imagine they've been there for you. I think it's not really possible for them to be toxic to you like this guy has. I also imagine they can sense the stress that this relationship is causing. Your life is the cake. A partner is icing. There's nothing to put icing on to if your life isn't full. I think your dogs and your family bring you more fullness than him.

I realized I contradicted myself a bit there, saying I got past not being there for my dog's passing, and then also saying you should be there for your dogs final moments. I think it's only a contradiction on the surface. I was gone for education, not a toxic relationship. Being in an environment that forced me to act independently was 100% necessary for my growth. And, the education serves me today. It is part of what built my career, salary, and life. It was terrifying and it built me into who I am today. If I could go back and do it again, it would be a hard choice to go back to school knowing my dog would pass in the middle of that week. I was there for the death of my two childhood cats. One passed on the garage floor right in front of me after having what looked like a seizure. It was probably a heart attack. I felt broken for a long time after that. I was a mess the whole night, barely made it to work the next day, and left early. The other cat had a similar event but survived, and that evening I took her to the vet to be euthanized. I didn't want to let her go through that again. I didn't want to see her die like he did. I also couldn't stand the idea of finding her passed, having gone through that alone. At the vet, the first step was a morphine shot, so the second procedure wouldn't hurt. She passed from the morphine. The only thing I'd change about that situation: now I know that at home euthanasia is an option. I would have paid for that for her even if my parents wouldn't have been willing, so she didn't have to spend her final moments at the vet. So, I don't know. Maybe I am still contradicting myself. But, my parents were there for my dog. And, from what they described, she wasn't there at the end. She had seizures through her life, and it sounded like she must've had one that caused enough brain damage that she wasn't really there. I think that's the biggest thing that feels different to me. My cats were just feeble bodied at the end, but still pretty much all there mentally. I feel like dogs give to you throughout their lives. I feel like by the end, no matter how hard it is for you, you owe them your presence in their final moments. I think you're doing life right, wanting to be there for them. I also think that if he can't understand that or be sympathetic about it, he's not a good match for you.

Sorry for just replying multiple times, but I think what I just said at the end of that last comment was the most important point to make here: I'm assuming that you have dogs who are old because you've lived with them for 10 or so years now. They have probably been in your life since you were 8 years old or maybe even younger. It is right for them to be the most important non-human thing in your life now. It is right for you to care more about them than friends you've made recently, and especially someone you've never met. You are being a good person and you are doing life right, for wanting to be there for them in their final moments. If he isn't sympathetic and empathetic about you caring for them and putting off you and him meeting because of them, what does that say about a future with him? What does that tell you about how having pets with him might be like? What does that tell you about what raising kids with him might be like?