I think it’s real and I don’t know if I care?

I’m not looking for reassurance with this post, but I am looking for community because I do feel very alone. I am currently struggling with incest OCD, at least I think I am. I had had intrusive thoughts for a while, but it never really stuck. Then for some reason one day it’s stuck. And I was absolutely horrified to tell my new therapist about it as she is not an OCD specialist and I didn’t know if she would understand. I am kind of forced to see this family member often and have always been super super close with them. However, for the past couple months, I have been struggling with this family member as I feel of, so they’ve been very controlling in my life and I want to live my life away from them. I want to live my own life, but I still want them in my life as they are very important to me. So would have this theme, but the theme wouldn’t last very long because then I’d be forced to interact with this family member basically as exposure and the theme would kind of fade away because it felt stupid. Well, I went on a date with a guy and suddenly I had the fear of what if this person looks like this family member. From there, this sphere has absolutely plummeted and destroyed me to the point where I actually think it’s true. I cannot tell if I am distressed because I am worried that this fear is true or if I am distressed because it is true. I went on a trip with my family, including his family member last week and the first few days of the trip. I was not very nice to this family member as I did not want to be around them and I wanted to avoid them. However, after a few days, I felt very stupid. I felt like I was no longer consumed by the sphere and basically like I had done exposure therapy again. So naturally, I felt extremely guilty for how I had acted the first couple days of the trip and to make up for it. I let this family member have a bite of my sandwich to which I then became worried that I had basically made out with this family member because Now our mouth germs had touched because I gave them a bite of my sandwich. I have been forcefully, putting images of sexual activity with this family member, and into my brain to see how I might react to them. For a very long time over the past couple months when I did this, I did not like the image. Now when I do this, I cannot tell it says, though I have no reaction like I don’t care which makes me fear even more that it’s true. However, I’m not distressed in the same way that I feel that I have been with them in the past. Part of this could be due to medication. But it does make this theme seem different. To circle back to this family member being very controlling. It is one of my parents, who was very strict when I was growing up. However, I absolutely idolize this parent and lately with a bunch of conversations with different friends, have realized that I have an extreme codependency on this parent that I really want to break. I do not know how codependency and incest coincide or even how codependency and OCD might coincide. But I feel like oh well is not working because there is a much bigger issue at hand that I do not know how to resolve. If anyone has any advice, I would love to hear it. I’m not convinced that this is OCD. A lot of stuff I’m finding on the Internet says that it is OCD. But the distress feels different, maybe because of medication or codependency? I don’t know if I’m numb or if I’ve just accepted it. Again, I am not looking for reassurance, but maybe some community maybe somebody who’s been through through something similar or even just some advice. Advice for if it’s OCD and maybe even advice for maybe if it is real?

Anonymous He...

Date posted: 5d

Hi, I read your bio and just wanted to say you come across as someone with a ton of strengths. You’re creative, compassionate, ambitious, and you clearly value growth, independence, and meaningful relationships. You also seem grounded in your faith, motivated to build a balanced life, and open to both humor and practical solutions. Those qualities say a lot about your resilience and the kind of person you are. From a Christian perspective, Scripture actually speaks deeply to what it feels like when our minds turn against us with fear, accusation, and confusion. Three passages can help us understand and re-center our minds when intrusive thoughts feel overwhelming. 1. John 8:44 “When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” OCD often works through lies that feel true and fear that feels urgent. These thoughts oppose your deepest values. Spiritually, this is confusion, not identity. 2. Revelation 12:10 “The accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them day and night.” Accusation is one of the enemy’s oldest strategies. OCD often behaves the same way, accusing, questioning, replaying, and trying to convince you that fear equals truth. 3. Philippians 4:8 “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable… think about such things.” The point is not to focus or worry about the enemy. The goal is to shift your attention to what brings peace, grounding, and truth. This verse invites you to redirect your mind away from accusation and toward what reflects God’s character and your true identity. The truth is , intrusive thoughts are not your identity, accusation is not God’s voice, confusion is never the voice of the Spirit, and your worth is not determined by any mental battle. God's spirit exposes lies and lifts you up . You deserve a therapist who is trained in OCD. Think of it this way: would you see a dermatologist to treat a heart condition? In the same way, you deserve someone equipped to treat the right condition with the right tools. Remember we are not looking for reassurance about something that is a lie and not who you are. If you were capable of what OCD is projecting, you would not be distressed. Your distress reveals your true heart. FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. OCD tries to convince you that its stories are true, but they are nothing more than fake news. You are not alone in this. You deserve support and you deserve peace. If reflecting on these verses brings even a moment of grounding, let that be enough for today. 🙏❤️

j vv

Date posted: 6d

Hi Hammm! 👋 I don’t have experience with this theme personally, and it sounds like it is very scary and difficult to deal with. When things “stick” with OCD, it can sometimes feel impossible to shake. Something you wrote made me think there is checking going on that might exacerbate your symptoms: “I have been forcefully putting images of sexual activity with this family member, and into my brain to see how I might react to them”. From my experience, this isn’t ERP—this is *checking*. You may be intentionally triggering your OCD in order to find certainty that you aren’t sexually attracted to your family member. Doing so “forcefully” will likely aggravate your symptoms. I would work with your therapist to come up with a targeted game plan for when these intrusive thoughts appear. *That* is when you can practice ERP; - the intrusive thought about incest appears, along with discomfort - you sit with the discomfort *without checking mentally or doing compulsions*, using your therapy tools to help you navigate it. There are more ways you could expose yourself to this theme without trying to find certainty. When I get “stuck”, that’s when I really buckle down with my therapist to locate the root fear of the theme I am struggling with, and prepare tools for when these intrusive thoughts appear again. Good luck!!

Zoey98

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5d

Hi! I have dealt with this theme a lot! Specifically with family members. I would do the same kind of “checking” behaviors and trying to figure out how I felt. It just makes it worse. ERP means to be around them and let the thoughts be there whether you know or don’t know if it’s you. It is so so so hard! But it really works!! I am on the other side.

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