Is this worth confessing to my fiancé

In January this year i found myself quite attracted to a colleague would go as far to say it was a crush, i never flirted or was inappropriate with them but i did have thoughts about whether being in a relationship with them would maybe be better or if we felt strongly towards each-other i would potentially leave my boyfriend (at the time) But i soon got over this crush and my relationship with my partner got stronger and stronger Now were engaged i feel as though i betrayed him by having that thought and i don’t deserve love and happiness Im not sure if those were the exact thoughts but i definitely did have a bit of a crush What do i do, am i a cheater? Or basically as bad as one😭

ACupofTea

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d

I really want to reassure you but in order to address the ocd, I’ve found the thought “I don’t have to solve this right now” pretty helpful when dealing with real events.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3d

@ACupofTea I appreciate it! Really in a dark place now😂 it didn’t affect me at all until the proposal now theres this and false memories

ACupofTea

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3d

@Anonymous I have been in your shoes! Remember the OCD wants absolute certainty so even if the person you wanted to reassure you was it would never be enough. Once you break through the anxiety, it’s easier to deal with the events. Progress not perfection. You’ve got this.

miriamlovesJ...

Date posted: 3d

It sounds like you experienced something many people experience. It is quite normal to have the thoughts you did while in a relationship. Finding others attractive while being with someone else isn’t wrong at all! We should be mindful of where we allow our thoughts to go past simply noticing their physical appearance or even their character traits that we appreciate! I think this is a good learning opportunity for any time down the road! This will likely be a temptation while you guys enter marriage, & please remember it’s not a sign of being a terrible partner. Now you know more and can work to prevent entertaining these thoughts for the future! Your thoughts were very human at the time, and the important thing is that you didn’t give them power to act on them!

Anonymous

Date posted: 2d

@miriamlovesJesus I didnt act on them by flirting or being intimate etc but did i maybe gravitate to them more when at work- MAYBE?!

Anonymous

Date posted: 2d

@Anonymous They all knew about my partner but yeah i definitely felt attracted to people

Stopoverthin...

Date posted: Yesterday

I can relate. My husband and I had a rough patch during our relationship when we’re dating. He dumped me for like 3-4 weeks. I had found this guy attractive and he was pretty flirty. Kinda childish in a way. He was my sisters friend. I remember having these thoughts of liking the attention from him, always wondering if he was coming over and trying to be cute infront of him. One time he told my sister he was gonna spend the night at our house. He never did. But in my head I had hoped he did. Ever since having those thoughts and not confessing it’s Made me feel horrible like my intentions of even entertaining that idea in my head in the first place is causing me to be a cheater. I don’t even know why he said to my sister he was going to stay. I don’t think he even knew I thought he was attractive. Just the thoughts in my head make it seem like it was real and it was wrong. So I’m right there with you . I wish the thoughts would go away

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