Went though gfs very personal things

Essentially I felt like she was cheating on me. I had it all figured out in my head. The day I thought she did something she also went for a quick doc appointment which I’ll get to in a second . So I went through her phone, saw a harmless convo but at the time I genuilly thought it was a red flag. So I got more curious , I put 2 and 2 together (in my head) she was talking to a dude and then randomly went to the doctors. Ik this doesn’t make sense I’m just explaining it from my pov at the time. So essentially we both have apps for scheduling doctor appointments. So I just open the app and saw it said regular scheduled check up. Ig I was looking for a std test. So I exited the app and I felt terrible ever since. The next day I asked about the convo she had with the guy and she explained. I apologized for going through her phone but didn’t mention anything about looking at the scheduling app. I feel terrible. I have such bad cheating ocd and I rlly wanna learn how to control myself. Also this guilt I have sucks. I don’t think it’s best to tell her about this one-off thing I did but I would some input. I violated her personal info badly and now looking back I realized how much I was stuck in the moment blowing shit out of proportion

Generiname

Date posted: 18h

Good on you for recognising that it's OCD. I would personally feel awful if someone searched through my phone and would likely end the relationship, as they are built on trust. So the fact your partner is forgiving of that is very fortunate. Try not to let your OCD win again with this. It might suck to read, but there may come a point where her forgiveness runs out and you'll have noone to blame but your disorder. I wish you nothing but the very best of luck in your recovery

Marrkk22

Date posted: 18h

@Generiname Ty very much. Yes I feel awful. As far telling her the app I saw u think it’s best to keep that to myself ?

Generiname

Date posted: 18h

@Marrkk22 It's hard for me to say! I wouldn't want to tell you to do it and have things escalate for you, you know? Ultimately, that's up to you and whether or not you can use this experience as a lesson learnt. I know how bad guilt can make us want to confess though.

Marrkk22

Date posted: 17h

@Generiname Yeah tru about the guilt. I def recognized why I did what I did. TBH it wasn’t even about trust. I rlly feel like ppl are out to get me in sense even when I trust someone I have moments where I question it. Im extremely mad at myself that a year and half of us dating and no issues and 1 little simple convo with someone else was enough to sus me out.

Generiname

Date posted: 17h

@Marrkk22 I think the best advice I can give you if this particular worry crops up again, is to practise ERP and sit with the discomfort. You have already recognised it as OCD, and the relief you felt after confirming it wasn't worth it in the end due to the guilt and another victory for your OCD. Sit with it, confirm you are safe and that they are just thoughts. Confirm that you might never know the answer, as finding it out for yourself will bring you to the same conclusion as last time. It'll suck, it'll be hard. But you also deserve happiness with this woman.

Marrkk22

Date posted: 17h

@Generiname Ty so much. So ur saying sit with the guilt and the need to confess right now

Generiname

Date posted: 17h

@Marrkk22 Like I said, that's up to you! But so long as you learnt your lesson and know you won't do this again and will do your absolute best to sit with this? You have already confessed once. Let the other be a lesson.

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