Alcohol and OCD

I got blackout drunk last night and feel the worst unexplainable guilt, dread and shame today. I’m worried I could have said or done something embarrassing while out at the bar towards the end of the night when my memory is absent. Worried I could have been judged for being drunk by all the people I ran into (lots of people home for the holidays). I just have an unshakable feeling of guilt and shame and the false memory “what ifs?” catastrophizing everything. Like I know drinking heavily isn’t healthy but outside of that, I feel like nothing inherently bad happened last night. Most people probably wouldn’t be dreading the “what if I said something embarrassing” aspect as much as me and would just say, whoa I overdid it last night. But to me it feels like rock bottom every time I’m hungover from drinking heavily lately. Didn’t used to be this way but it’s almost like the alcohol is pouring gasoline on my OCD catastrophizing. I don’t really know how normal this is but just wanted to see if anyone else deals with it or has advice for today. Because it’s so hard to get out of my head right now.

Generiname

Date posted: 12h

I absolutely dealt with this. It feels amazing in the moment, but the day after it's just worse. Makes wanting the high of being drunk again all the more appealing.

thatusername...

Date posted: 12h

@Generiname Do you not deal with it anymore?

Generiname

Date posted: 12h

@thatusernamehasalreadybeentaken I've been alcohol free for a month now. Decided to cut it out of my live for good!

thatusername...

Date posted: 10h

@Generiname Congrats!

Generiname

Date posted: 9h

@thatusernamehasalreadybeentaken Thank you. I wouldn't recommend drinking if it flares up your OCD like this to be honest, but I don't think you need me to tell you that either! I'm not telling you to stop all together, but maybe limit yourself so you don't get into this state again. :)

OCDisHell

Date posted: 11h

I've been sober for about 2-3 years and have never looked back. I binge drank on the weekends to escape OCD, depression, anxiety and really life in general. Little did I know it was just making it worse. Alcohol has been the one thing thats always made my OCD almost non-existent. It quieted my mind and my worries and made me feel "normal" for those few hours. Then reality comes back and so does OCD, ten-fold. The next few days are hell. Anxiety to the point of physically shaking, constant ruminating, non-stop "what-ifs?". I finally realized it wasnt worth it and quit drinking. I would recommend avoiding alcohol altogether if possible. I hope this helps. God bless

thatusername...

Date posted: 10h

@OCDisHell The sad thing is I had about 3 years of sobriety before (for the same reason - I got tired of the hangover rumination, not really because I had a serious problem with it, I just didn’t like the days after anymore). But it didn’t seem to make that much of an impact. In fact my anxiety seemed to worsen in that time period. I always thought if I removed alcohol it would open new doors for me in life and to be honest I felt like I ended up just becoming kind of a boring homebody who didn’t go out as much or socialize as often. That’s the hard part for me. Being single, it’s such a huge part of dating culture too, just the idea of going out for a drink on a first date or going to the bar to try to meet someone. It’s hard to remove it from the equation. But I am at the point where I think I probably need to, because it’s certainly not fun to lose entire days to hangovers and worse OCD rumination / anxiety like this.

OCDisHell

Date posted: 10h

@thatusernamehasalreadybeentaken You're not alone my friend. I quit in my 20s for a year or so but it was hard because as you mentioned, friends are still going to the bars at that time. It was much easier in my late 30s because many of my friends moved on from that scene. And I had for the most part as well but I still drank at home. Unfortunately for myself, I went through divorce around this time and man was that a lonely feeling. The same friends I had in my 20s were no longer available to go grab a drink because they have kids. My life just didn't go that route and drinking was a huge part of my social life. Now in my 40s, social life is almost non-existent. Its definitely a tough thing to let go of especially if its part of your social life. You know I pushed myself to still go to social events even without drinking. Its kind of "scary" at first but I realized I still had just as much of a good time as I did drunk. Now I could laugh at the drunks and feel great the next day lol. Keep your head up man. Life is tough but you'll get through it. God bless.

Simon

Date posted: 8h

Hey there, I really relate to this. My relationship to alcohol has been complicated. When I was younger, as another person also commented, alcohol was a vacation from OCD. I loved getting buzzed or drunk because for that time my intrusive thoughts would go away. I had a handful of blackout drunk nights in college and my shame and guilt felt very connected to my OCD. I had, as you describe, an unreasonable amount of guilt about what I might have said or done, and what I did recall doing, which was rarely more than just being goofy and acting foolish. When I was twenty four I went on Lexapro, and decided to quit drinking completely to try and give the medication it's full potential. Eight years later, here I am and haven't had a drink since. Towards the end of my drinking career, I had a hard time even having two drinks, because my relationship to alcohol was so fraught with guilt and OCD energy. Removing it from my life was vital for me. It's interesting though, I still have nightmares about being wasted almost every night. These dreams fill me with so much anxiety and shame, and my mind is still grappling with these feelings.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond