Life changes, Anger? Happy? OCD, I'm confused!

This isn't necessarily a "help need advice" post, more so I just sort of need to just let it all out- and possibly would hear some opinions for you guys. I'm also open to you guys sharing similar experiences, give any sort of advice despite it not being mandatory, or even asking questions ! All is okay. This was originally going to just be an ROCD (friendship wise) post, but while I was halfway typing this post, I got into a conversation with my family that sort of changed my entire mood. Now I need to talk about that too. I was originally going to talk about both the current topic/ROCD all into one post- but it was extremely long and felt like an essay, lol! So I'll post this as part 1 and maybe talk about the ROCD in a later post today. -- So basically let's just start of with the conversation, I was basically having discussions about me and my older siblings future life and finance (boring I'll skip that part) basically it was a whole lecture yadda yadda there's more to it this isn't the point of this post, It did sort of give me some stress even though I'm still young. But then we started talking about life in general and suddenly I heard: "Next year, we may even move to _ and live there and start a new chapter. We can be closer to family and (then more was said.)" But that stopped me because I then asked "will I finish school there?" And was told most likely. I both felt like crying out of happiness then and there and at the same time felt awfully hurt. By their perspectives, I had no emotion and I sorta just smiled slightly, the entire conversation I just pretended I didn't care and that this was just a casual possibility. I always try my best not to show emotions during things because I feel as if I'm either too dramatic or passionate I may say something wrong, but even then doing nothing makes me feel awful too because they probably now think I just don't care. (Not the point but I just wanted to mention that.) The reason why I felt these emotions.. was because of the idea that I could possibly finally start a new life? I get to be near family? I get to finish school there? I can possibly make new friends and people who know me at my current school won't ever see me again? My real event OCD will STILL be there, and by that I more so specificy on real events that happened during middle school and certain friendships.. but it'll be more far away now. I get all of this? I can finally be ME? I was estactic thinking about it. I've been dreaming about this moment so bad and I felt like I was already planning so many things and what I can do when I finally live in that area. Inside my mind in contrast to my physical expression, I was jumping all over the place- I even had to ask twice which they said yes. Most likely thought "Is this girl okay???" "Why would you feel hurt then?" Maybe you're thinking of that, maybe not, but I also feel that way because in my mind, I also say "Now this is finally happening? After this long?" When I say I get to finish school there- I mean I only have ONE year left after this current year. So going to live there and possibly finishing the last year will feel so quick that it'll probably go by in a blink of an eye.. After THIS long of suffering during school, getting bullied, feeling like throwing up every night at the idea of going back to seeing certain people again, people who probably hate me, think I'm weird.. I get reminded of my real events and when I was with that kid/ex doing dumb decisions and acting inappropriate at wrong timings even though I was only a quiet girl that more well known classmates didn't like. (Mostly in fault of my ex. Which I don't even consider as an ex at this point, just someone who caused regret to younger me to where I still agreed in many things. So it's on me as well at certain points.) All of these moments, these bad situations, all of this school-related trauma, I finally may have a chance to finally be me at a different school and different setting but I say; what's the point now?! One year?! What am I going to do with that?! Hah, might as well just not talk to anyone nor say anything when I get there- what's the most they'll know about me anyways? About my awful past school experiences? The fact I have a weird disorder controlling me everyday that not even half of my family knows? No thanks. I also get scared that... what if it turns out the same there? Or similar? What if I mess up there and I ruin my life already even though I was given a fresh start? And NOT only that I have one year left of school, I also have one year left of being a true teenager before I "legally" become an adult. Great! All of this now just coming to me. Spent all my teenage years either trying to act "too grown up", being isolated, my mental health was so awful due to many reasons, none were my family's fault, all my friends sucked and I only had my ex, ocd flaring up everywhere- just awful! I finally leave all bad behind late freshman/near sophmore year, I finally get to be a teenager for a while more but everything STILL sucks. Now I MAY have the opportunity to be myself and free but it won't be long until the next chapter, now what?! And what about the good in where I currently live? What about this? What about that? What if all of this isn't even true, and they can't afford it for next year and I'll have to finish school here where I'm at.. and we'll move later on? That's worse for me and that gives me many more questions. (And that also means I can't have my hopes up TOO high right now.) But that's where I'll leave it for now. I have much more to say and have more worries in my head- but I've already taken too long typing this post out and this is already turning into an essay lol! :") But anyways bye for now guys, hope everyone is having a lovely day. 🫶💜