varen

Date posted: Yesterday

rocd and paranoia

i think im getting paranoic i dont know if its a part of ocd but i have catastrophing scenarios. i had a big argument with my friends and we are in no contant. in the beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend i used to have doubts and i told my friends horrible things. my boyfriend know about it because i told him few months ago. i wasn't also fully over my past relationship. it was not about the person but about the whole situation. it was months into relationship when i used to tell my friends that it still hurt me what that someone did and i said some other bullshit. i used to text them about it. i also told them about arguments with my boyfriend ect. my boyfriend know about all this stuff because i had a need for confession but know im scared that my friends would send my boyfriend screenshots of all these messages and things. i had changed and we talked about everything but he didnt want to know what i texted them. i told him about it in general not in details and im scared that if he saw it he would break up with me. i regret all of my past mistakes but now im really stressed that they might send him these messages to ruin my relationship. idk what to do or to tell my boyfriend about this fear.

sailorvenus

Date posted: Yesterday

I understand what you’re saying. I was in the same situation. My husband and I were friends for 3 years and dated for a year before we got engaged & married. And I would text my friends stuff about how I didn’t think he was cute or complained about arguments we had. And as we grew and got closer and we worked on my rocd together , I grew close to him. And realized it was my ocd, with some real emotions. And I would get worried they would tell him or he would leave me if he saw the things I said. I had a conversation with him and let him know I have grown and I’m not that person anymore and I want to create more trust and keep our relationship between us. Nothing can change the past and all we could do was grow and be better from there. Also it’s so normal to talk to your friends about spouses , especially when you first met them, or if you have that relationship with your friends. Some people see relationships as they love their spouse but talk to their friends on their relationship or feelings. Some people see relationships as they love their spouse but prefer to keep things between them. I think it’s really based on a persons relationship & them as a person; I don’t think there is one right way. I feel like many relationships actually start this way, but people with ocd remember and feel more guilt & we worry. This is so normal!

varen

Date posted: Yesterday

thank you! i told him few months ago about all this stuff but now i have that fear they might tell him. do you think i should tell him about this fear? i also have this problem that i want to talk about problems in person because im scared of texting about problems or things i did in the past or generally ocd because im scared he would get it wrong (im really a haotic person and sometimes i cant really explain what i mean) or that i wont be enough "real" in what i say and i prefer to talk about things like this in person but i always stress so much when i dont talk about things right away. we will propably see each other on monday or friday but if its something important to say, then i cant wait till monday, especially till friday. even if its something smaller i cant wait and i have the urge to tell about it right away. im also scared because i told my other friend which im on good terms, about the whole situation with other friends. i would call the person i told about it friend 1 and the other people friends. so friend 1 also talks with friends and im scared that she will tell them and when she tell them they will get mad that i told her about it and then send the screenshot or tell him. i send friend 1 a long voice message about the situation with friends and i think i might have said some mean words about what they did so that makes everything worse. and also about the guilt, you are so real i feel guilty about everything i did and it cant leave me. i feel like the guilt is eating me out and my meds dont help with anything. also im getting guilty about normal stuff i do now and its really problematic in daily life

sailorvenus

Date posted: Yesterday

Do not judge yourself at all!!!

sailorvenus

Date posted: Yesterday

And the need to say something and not being able to hold it in, and being scared to say something over text , is ocd. I think trying to recognize the pattern will help. It’s gives you chance to catch your breath sometimes and normalize it. There is nothing wrong with you, you’re struggling with something and try to remember yourself first sometimes

sailorvenus

Date posted: Yesterday

Would you love your spouse even with their mistakes & past? I bet! And you are capable of that too!!

varen

Date posted: Yesterday

yes and i do! your right and thank you so much it made my day better and easier

sailorvenus

Date posted: Yesterday

So he knows you said stuff in the past to your friends (but not specifics) and now you’re having a fear, what if the girls send him the things you said ? and you want to talk to him again to tell him you have this worry?? From what I understand!! Tbh if your friends said anything, they would be the wrong people in this situation , not you. Also , you’re just a human, working through your ocd. And I think that’s the biggest takeaway. Maybe you told them things but maybe you have grown now & you’re not that person anymore. You are allowed to change and grow. And if some of your past feelings are true, you’re human. And our spouses aren’t perfect (just like us). Before I was with my husband, I was with his friend for 3 years. And I’m sure my Husband had a fair share of thoughts he shared with his boys about me. I know I had thoughts about my husband in the past that my friends know about now. I deadass told my friends he’s not cute and not my type at all. When you find your person, they will understand you, forgive you and accept you. we are so capable of love, especially us ocd-ers. There’s someone out there that will understand us.

varen

Date posted: Yesterday

yes you understood it good. i got this fear today and he doesnt know that i have this fear but he knows what i did in the past. and idk if i should tell him about this fear or is it more an ocd need to tell him about the fear. and youre right they would be in wrong for that. i really changed as a person and i dont repeat my mistakes. my boyfriend really understands my ocd and always tells me to not tell him about my intrusive thoughts about my past because he knows they would get worse and hes really supportive but my ocd is bad. he forgave me for my past and accepted me and my flaws and hes the best for real. also sorry for my english im polish so my sentences might be a little twisted.

sailorvenus

Date posted: Yesterday

@varen omggg no apology needed!! I understand everything you’re saying!! I’m soo happy you have someone who accepts you and wants to help. I guess my advice is, if you talk to him, there is no harm. You can just express hey I’m struggling with this thought, and I just want to make sure we will be okay. Sometimes just needing to be reassured you’re safe and loved, is okay. I just think also you should notice a pattern, if it becomes every day, or every second. (And is making you miserable) At some point you have to let yourself accept that “hey maybe i have a past , but there is nothing wrong with me. And I deserve love. I am human, I have experiences and mistakes. That is life.” A spouse accepts us, provides no judgement, and doesn’t care about our past. Our past is part of who made us who we are and they should appreciate that. Not hate it. Also notice that ocd tries to scare us a lot when we have something we love. So it’s not crazy you’re trying to be happy and in love, and here comes ocd trying to find a way this could collapse. That’s an important pattern to notice.

varen

Date posted: Yesterday

@sailorvenus yesss ive been struggling with ocd for 5 years and i never had ocd related on relationship with someone hes the first so i know its real love hahah. i try to accept my past every day and its getting easier because he tells me that it made us who we are now and that it was something that had to happend so we could grow

sailorvenus

Date posted: Yesterday

@varen You should trust yourself and I know you will make the best decision for yourself. And no matter what, relationships are about working. It might get scary and hard at times. But you come out stronger. And that’s how healthy relationships are created and flourish. Be patient with yourself, know you’re capable of love, and I promise one day you’re gonna look back and think wow why was I tripping on this. And just something from me to you — sometimes the friends who do or don’t understand ocd, sometimes will just never get it. And that’s okay. We don’t need to explain ourselves or prove ourselves so much. I bet you and your friends will make it through this!! And you can grow. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you need to hold yourself back, because they aren’t growing themselves.

varen

Date posted: Yesterday

@sailorvenus yess i learned it. i used to be scared of problems but i learned that they have to be to make us stronger! i talked with my boyfriend about how our past made us stronger, mature and how it made us learn about ourselves and our boundaries. i just have to remind it to myself when i get into a spiral of thinking

sailorvenus

Date posted: Yesterday

It’s just life. And that’s something I tried to remind myself a lot. I was beating myself up for talking to my friends, that I just tried telling myself, you know this is so fucking normal. I’m not gonna trip over telling my friends stuff and if they said something, they are the bad people. If I didn’t have OCD, I wouldn’t over think about this. I’m sure this guy has also told his friends things about you. I think that’s the point of the beginning of relationships. We have so many emotions we are trying to figure out, that of course we are gonna feel the good and the bad. We can be hesitant to someone’s flaws and grow to love them over time. What you said in the beginning doesn’t determine what you think now.

sailorvenus

Date posted: Yesterday

Your girls should understand & they shouldn’t even think of sharing any info with him. And if he wants to grow with you , he will be willing to hear your fears and help you. If you choose to talk to him, you can let him know your expectation and goal in this convo, and express you want to communicate. You can even explain ocd to him and let him know why this feels heavy on you. (But also remember confessing can happen. Sometimes we think we need to confess, but really don’t.)

varen

Date posted: Yesterday

he knows about all my ocd and confession problem and even wants to join me in therapy to understand everything better!

varen

Date posted: Yesterday

and that is also why im asking if should i tell about this fear because im not sure if its not related to my confession problem

sailorvenus

Date posted: Yesterday

I definitely will let my spouse know, “hey I’m struggling with this thought. I just want to make sure we will be okay. But also wanna let you know if I’m off, I’m just working through some things.” It’s like having the flu. When you’re sick, your spouse will be there to help. Sometimes when we are struggling, I think it’s okay to let someone know you are. I think where it becomes dangerous is where you don’t do the work to remind yourself , you’re perfect how you are, no matter your past. You can change & you’re in a safe relationship. And you are capable of being loved. Or if you feel the need to say specifics to him of exact things from your past, that is ocd.

varen

Date posted: Yesterday

hes asleep now since some hours so i was alone with these thoughts and normally if he was next to me or awake i would tell him but i was really stressing now. thank you for your help it sobered me up because when i get into a spiral i dont think normally. i will definitely talk about this fear with him when he wake up because its not about something specific from the past just a fear so now im sure its not a confession need and its just something worth saying

sailorvenus

Date posted: Yesterday

@varen I totally get it. OCD is terrible. And it can make you feel like you’re drowning. I’m glad you’re feeling better! And I wish you the best in your relationship & life!! -as one ocd girl to another! #ocdsisters 🤣

varen

Date posted: Yesterday

@sailorvenus thank you and i wish you the same!!

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