anyone relate ? (26+)

I have been working through my rocd while being a married woman. I am figuring things out and learning to accept my thoughts. But i have a lot of anxiety about past spouses. Anyone who is married out there, is it bad to think past spouses are still attractive today and/or be sexually attracted to them? I would never talk to any of my past partners at all, or think about cheating on my spouse. I have always been the type of person to romanticize my life and now that I’m married, does that need to stop? My husband says it’s okay because maybe that’s my brain and I can have whatever thoughts because it’s my life and brain, he just says they are normally inside thoughts (I confess my thoughts a lot to him. He’s really awesome about it, I just have a lot of guilt when I get thoughts and need to confess). I think where a big part of the anxiety comes is, one of my past spouses was his old friend & I originally turned my husband down for this person & I talked to this person for 3 years, and me and my husband were just friends. I feel a lot of guilt I didn’t like him then and beat myself up for it. I had that crush feeling more for his friend. for me and my husband our relationship feels more safe. My relationship with the other guy was, I thought he was super cute. He was popular, I was a loser. I got out of a relationship and couldn’t believe a cute guy was talking to me. He used me for 3 years and I gave him things sexually (and he never returned). I was very much played and I kept thinking if I did this, we would be together. I eventually realized this was never going to change or happen & why would I keep talking to this guy who isn’t worth my time. He wasn’t how I envisioned love for myself. Then me and my husband got closer (we were friends the whole time I was talking to the other guy) and eventually started dating. I spent most of our relationship comparing them and i got to miss out at so many good times between him and I because I let my ocd drain me. Our whole relationship has been a daze , & I don’t remember anything or ever got to feel that giddy crush feeling, like i did for the other guy. I try not to judge myself with that because our relationships were stemmed in very different ways. My husband is a man and I never knew a person like this could exist. He’s so perfect. So I think I get a little bothered when I have thoughts of the other guy or past spouses; because I love my husband so much, but I don’t want to feel like I’m disrespecting him. And with all my past spouses I felt the giddy crush feeling, with my husband I haven’t. I also do want to mention I have been smoking weed every day , all day , for our whole relationship. So I really feel like with the weed, I stoped working out/eating healthy, and my ocd is so bad. So I really think if I created healthier habits and allowed myself to be more present, that I would feel those giddy feelings for him too.