Does anyone else struggle with need to know obsessions. Here's an example: when I was 11 years old, I would constantly google "hobbies for girls", I would go up to the 20th page on google as I felt I was missing out on something and I needed to know everything about the topic. Speaking from a logic stance, that is impossible. But of course, OCD is like "Are you sure, you're done googling? What if you missed something?" Although I googled the topic, I google it again and will find myself reading the same websites because its like "but what if there was something important that was there" I will seriously go up to the 20th page on google. I even have a document of 300 pages of things that I have to google. The only thing stopping me is that I have finals that I need to study for, but I'm so not looking forward to winter break. And this isn't like normal googling things out of curiosity, its googling things out of fear/reduce anxiety.

Does anyone else feel, if they know everything about a topic that you then have control over it? For example, when I first started trying to figure out what was hurting me and identifying it as OCD, I would and sometimes still do, research every detail I could find and read other people's experience obsessively. Doing this made me feel like I would be able to control my obsession and compulsions, the more I knew the more I could control. A lot of the time it just makes me more anxious and discouraged but I still do it when I think I can fix myself. I also this with other mental health disorders and topics, where I research until I feel like the learned information will equip me with more control.

I have a bad obsession with googling EVERYTHING and I mean things like health issues I’m constantly looking things up on google everyday , it don’t matter if I just got bit by a mosquito I’ll google it to make sure it nothing bad will happen to me or if the mosquito bite looks okay and etc , I’ve noticed my OCD symptoms bad here recently and looking up every health condition on google is one of them .

I’m new to NOCD and just wanted to share my experience to see if anyone else can relate or has any thoughts or advice. My thing is needing a system or some kind of digitally saved reference (online article/notes app) to make decisions on how to live my life and spend my time- then I get super caught up in what is the objectively “right” system to have which never really leads anywhere- over the last 6+ years I’ve probably changed this system over 100 times because at some point I realized it wasn’t “right”. At best, I stick with a system for months and be pretty free from OCD but at worst I can go months where I only experience intermittent periods of living free from OCD and spend hours and hours putting my life on hold trying to figure out what the right system is or to answer and figure out impossible answers to completely subjective things. I get a lot of regret over all the time and life I’ve wasted in this cycle, and feel kinda like everything I’ve done in previous systems was “wrong” so I try to fix that by undoing some of those actions. I think part of the root of this is wanting to control so many parts of my life and the fact that there are other parts of life I could be experiencing, ways I could be improving, and that there is so much out there that I could never ever do or experience all of it leads me to try to figure out some system that gives me a better feeling of control over this. If anyone reads all this that’s awesome- lmk if this resonates with you at all