ROCD or denial?

I’ve been struggling for a few weeks now. My therapist diagnosed me with relationship ocd and I am having a really difficult time trying to determine what my real feelings are. My boyfriend is my best friend and I’ve felt distant lately and that hurts both of us. All of this is unfamiliar- I hate feeling like this and don’t recognize it. I’ve been so depressed and anxious and detached. A few weeks ago this happened for the first time out of no where and I literally felt like I was going through a breakup. I couldn’t sleep or eat or stop crying. I was so freaked out and felt so much pressure about the future even though he isn’t pressuring me. What if I don’t love him anymore? Do I want to end it? Maybe I should end it and then I’ll feel better. Maybe the problem is the relationship. How do I know? I don’t deserve him. Is avoiding him right now a sign I don’t love him? Is feeling stressed talking about future plans a sign I don’t want a future with him? What if we don’t get married? Is it all just a waste? Is this OCD or am I in denial that I want to break up? The thoughts go on… I thought the only thing that would make me feel better is if we broke up. But we didn’t. He’s stood by me and said he’ll be whatever I need. He has done research and has been so understanding. I started feeling better a few days later and then was doing really well for a couple of weeks when all of a sudden about a week ago we were just laying together and I started crying because of the obsessive thoughts I was experiencing. Compulsions I engage in include constantly seeking reassurance from him, my mom or chat gpt. I am going crazy I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I just want to feel normal again and be happy and I don’t know how. I don’t know why I can’t just enjoy myself. I’m either sobbing or feel emotionally flat. It’s exhausting and I just don’t know what to do. Anyone else been through this? I did just start Prozac last week but haven’t noticed any changes. I’ve just been going through an emotional roller coaster. The mood swings are awful.

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Goodness, I've been there. Can relate soooo much. Please, if you haven't already, get started with a therapist and begin learning how to handle your thoughts/feelings with ERP. I *WISH* I had understood what ROCD was and started getting help for it sooner. But even now, better late than never. It will be worth every effort you put into healing. Be patient, trust the process, lean into it.

Anonymoussss1

Date posted: 23h

@Anonymous Thank you so much. I’m sorry you’ve gone through this. Did it get better? I just don’t know what the problem is

Anonymous

Date posted: 13h

@Anonymoussss1 It's going to be trial and error and take time. I got diagnosed about 2 years ago (had been experiencing these things for about 2 decades) and finally got a really good therapist with NOCD a month ago. She's been helping so much, but sometimes it is a back and forth before it gets better.

squirrelquarrel

Date posted: Yesterday

i've been there, and i still struggle. you're not alone my friend 🫂 i'm sending warmth to you, because i know how horrible it feels. i hope tomorrow is kinder to you 🤍🤍

Anonymoussss1

Date posted: Yesterday

@squirrelquarrel Thank you so much. Hugs to you!! I wish I knew what to do

Anonymous

Date posted: 13h

It's going to be trial and error and take time. I got diagnosed about 2 years ago (had been experiencing these things for about 2 decades) and finally got a really good therapist with NOCD a month ago. She's been helping so much, but sometimes it is a back and forth before it gets better.

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