just want to vent about my ROCD

hey this my first post, i usually don’t use self help apps like this but im deciding to give it a try. A bit of context i’ve struggled with OCD my whole life, from existential OCD, harm OCD, suicidal OCD. I’ve learned how to manage those but one subtype that has been debilitating lately is my ROCD. I’m 21 years old and i’ve had past relationships where I just flee when i feel anxious or have doubtful thoughts. This is my first relationship where i challenge myself not to leave just because i feel anxious because we all know that leaving is just temporary relief. I also don’t want to leave my bf because we both have hard pasts and it’s the first time that we both are in a healthy relationship. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for about 6 months and late December is when my spiral happened. I told him how i feel and he has been super supportive and thoughtful. He’s really patient with me, but my thoughts are so loud it makes me ask myself “do i really like him” “am i forcing connection ” “why don’t i feel butterflies anymore” “will i ever feel love him” “have i lost interest”. These thoughts are really stressful for me because it seems like i can’t do anything unless i get clarity or have those “love” feelings. I’m getting meds for OCD and I’m getting therapy but it still doesn’t get rid of the fact that it’s making me cry and it’s really dimmed my light about almost every aspect of my life. I just want to be in a relationship where I don’t self sabotage. I want to be able to accept love and to stop self analyzing feelings. It’s been really hard. If you have even gotten over this spiral please let me know how long it lasted and what you did to cope.

ng20

Date posted: 22d

this is so relatable. it’s exhausting. my rocd makes it hard to connect to my boyfriend sometimes. we’ve been together for almost three years and i just got an ocd diagnosis and can name what thoughts like yours are. i think it’s important to remember that ocd is targeting topics that you care most about. in this instance, it’s love. this helps me understand that i wouldn’t be having those thoughts if i didn’t love my boyfriend. if you truly lost interest, you wouldn’t care this much and it wouldn’t be so distressing. next time those thoughts arrive, tell yourself that you are having those thoughts because you love him, ocd is just trying to make you feel unhappy.

RabbitHearted

Date posted: 22d

OCD is so tricky because it latches on to the things that are important to us & twists them into a source of anxiety and doubt. It's always an uphill climb but things can get better over time! Leaning in to the uncertainty & learning to tolerate the anxiety is a huge part of making progress in ERP therapy. You're taking all the right steps by getting treatment. I'm sorry that it sucks so much right now! I wish you all the best in your journey 🫶

sandlot716

Date posted: 22h

I'll give you the best advice for this. Tell him about it every time. Open up, voice the words in your head and take their power away by saying hey guy I'm not sure how I feel about you and who knows where it's going but I really want to be here right now and watch this movie with you. Maybe it will turn into love and maybe not but I'm still here and certainly don't want to be anywhere else or with anyone else. I struggle daily with multiple subtypes and the main thing I try to focus on is I want to be happy so if this is who I am let's just tell it as it is and come along for the ride. You can even be funny about it, if he's aware what you struggle with, and say yeah we're probably not going to make it to 22 and still be together but let's just have tonight. God wants you to live in the moment so the biggest positive about ocd is it forces you to slow down, stay present and face your fears. I hope this helps

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