Any Advice?

Thanks for sharing, you are not alone. O also had a relationship in which going out triggered me after COVID, and I started to think I was a narcissist

I'm sorry that you're struggling with this. It sounds like a really difficult and tricky situation! As far as what you can do about the compulsions, the most efficient way to work through them would be to work with a specialized OCD therapist if that's available to you; and/or learning about ERP (exposure & response prevention). If you find that rumination is your strongest compulsion, I highly suggest doing a deep dive into mindfulness and meditation. The word "mindfulness" has gotten a bit oversimplified and misused in recent years; becoming synonymous with wellness spas and subscription-based meditation apps aimed at making you "more productive." Put simply, learning to truly be in the present moment is one of the best things you can do for your mental health, regardless of what you're going through. As a simple exercise, the next time you catch yourself ruminating about anything, take a moment to notice what your body feels like, and what you're physically doing. Don't try to force yourself to stop ruminating, and don't berate yourself for doing it. All you have to do is notice. Does your chest feel tight? Are you scrunching your eyebrows? Clenching your jaw? What's your posture like? What emotion are you feeling? What is your breathing like? Whatever you notice is okay; there's no judgement here. It's all just information from the body. And if you find that you keep getting caught up in the thoughts, that's okay too; you can just note: "ruminating." Even noticing that you're ruminating is an act of mindfulness. Over time you will notice when you're ruminating more quickly, which will make it much easier to redirect to something in the present. This sort of self awareness will come in handy with your relationship too, because it will allow you to truly understand what it is you're feeling, and what your needs and boundaries are. Having more clarity will make you more confident when communicating with your boyfriend. For instance, rather than framing it simply as... "I put my phone on DND because I have a problem with rumination and I don't want to bother my boyfriend with repetitive texting." It may be something like... "Sometimes when I feel particularly overwhelmed and anxious, I vent to my boyfriend over text in an attempt to escape those feelings. I've come to realize that doing so is reinforcing a pattern that makes me feel worse, and putting my phone on DND gives me the opportunity to sit with my feelings in a healthy way." And if your boyfriend gets upset and tells you you're a bad communicator, you can first start by validating his own feelings ("I see you're upset, and I'm sure it must be frustrating not being able to communicate in the way that you want..."), and then calmly explaining why sometimes putting your phone on DND is best for the *both of you.* I suspect that the more clarity you have about what your experience is, the more he will respect your boundaries. I hope some of this is helpful!