Scared of becoming a narcissist or not loving

Hey everyone I just need some insight My fear is becoming someone that cannot love, or miss people, or connect with others. My fear is being empty without identity too. I think ocd has made me feel empty that I can't really answer questions about myself, that I can't even tell what is a real emotion. I specifically want to become someone who feels love, care, who has a proper identity. Maybe I am already but my brain feels foggy Wren I speak to someone, I am constantly thinking and checking if I am feeling, if I am connecting with them. I have to poke at different brain states to get a bit of emotion I don't really know what's wrong. Any insight is appreciated Growing up I did some bad things like pretend to be a super happy person so that others liked me. This makes me gross. I also wanted people to care about me, to feel cared for, so I would actually pretend to be sick ☹️ this makes me think I am genetically bad I know I had good points when I was younger, but I can't even think about what those are and I can't find the memories. I can only remember the stuff that confirms my fear. I just want to be free, loving, caring

ERP is the w...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

I would say do some research on what it means to love yourself. And then do some research on how to love yourself. I think this is very important to start with loving yourself .i think that is an under practiced skill . I think we tend to love our friends , partners and celebrities more than we think about loving ourselves. I think this is a problem because we search for outside love way too much .love is within you , tap into that’s

Nia18

Date posted: Yesterday

Sorry could you go more into this, why would I try to love myself? I want to live others more

ERP is the w...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

I honestly I feel like love FROM OTHERS will never be enough until you can truly love yourself . You will rely on what others say and do for you . It is nice to be loved by others but loving yourself has to be first . The other day someone said something very mean to Me and requested something of me that was very mean . If I wasn’t working on my self love I would do what that person told me to do even if it was not in my best interest. No self love equals people pleasing . I think you should Love others but you have to start with yourself . Does that make sense ?

Nia18

Date posted: Yesterday

It does but maybe you misunderstood what I mean, I mean that I want to love others not get love from others yknow? It's beautiful that you love yourself enough

mockingturtle

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi sweetie. Good news is, narcissists do have emotions, contrary to popular belief. Aside from that, I understand what you mean about ocd making you a shell of some kind. More good news is that you can get better. You can get through this. You can build a proper identity outside of this, and you will love and relate and whatnot. A lot of people pretend to be sick so people can care for them, I’ve done this too. It doesn’t make me bad. It’s human, absolutely. We aren’t infallible. I think more than erp, you just need to forgive yourself for whatever it is you think makes you bad. Just think if it was someone else.

Nia18

Date posted: Yesterday

They may have emotion, but I want depth and connection with others. To trust and to build! And thank you so much, could you give me some tips on identity and making sure I stay away from being any type of narcisstic?

mockingturtle

Date posted: Yesterday

@Nia18 Well, narcissism is a personality disorder, so unless you suddenly developed a personality disorder out of nowhere, I couldn’t really give you any answer on how to not be narcissistic. But! To stay away from being self centered and self important, I think the best thing you can do is just listen. Listen to peoples day, what music they like, etc. just anything tbh. Do nice things for others, hold the door open for people, smile. Just do what makes YOU feel good, and others will feel good too. Just be nice. When you find that you feel good about yourself, things sort of just fall into place- like identity markers and interests!

Nia18

Date posted: Yesterday

@mockingturtle I do all this already, honestly I have become a much much much much better person :). Thank you so much. What do you mean by identity marker?

mockingturtle

Date posted: Yesterday

@Nia18 Identity marker, kind of like.. how you are as a person? Being kind, creative, caring etc.

Nia18

Date posted: Yesterday

@mockingturtle Ooh, right! Maybe I can write them down and remind myself often:). I am really caring and sensitive which I know sounds silly considering my post, but I guess ocd has had me questioning it so much that I'm just numb!

mockingturtle

Date posted: Yesterday

@Nia18 Dont worry, I’m the exact same way haha :)

Nia18

Date posted: Yesterday

@mockingturtle I hope you heal too

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