rocd

even when i know it might be not true i always think what if its true and what if that really happened. or with that mistake, at first time i lied because at first i told my boyfriend a part of the truth (i told him that it was only with one of my friends and that it was just a smooch?? im polish and i dont know what is it called. and then in september or october?? i told him the whole truth so now im stressing that the second time i lied too etc. and that i have to define it all over again or find out if we talked about the borders before or after. also my rocd started to be stronger in september after confessing everything

@varen i remember i lied because i was so scared that ill lose him but since that i feel really quilty about the lies

@varen You have no reason to be guilty, please remember that. Your mind is lying to you I promise. I know it’s so much easier said than done but you have to force yourself to think that. Try grounding techniques or look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that these thoughts aren’t true and that you’re in control. Your boyfriend knows the truth and you don’t have to worry about that stuff anymore. The only thing you have left is your future so try and work towards that

@Stella01. i started stressing about new thing can i tell you about what im stressing??

@varen Ofc!

@Stella01. so i got with my boyfriend three months after my failed talking stage and i was still sad after it and i was still sometimes crying or telling my friends that what the person did still hurts me. (i regret that and i also told my boyfriend about it). and now i opened instagram and saw notes and i started stressing that what if i posted a note with a sad song beacuse i was thinking about my past failed talking stage. and i think i have foggy memories that i might have done this. i used to watch sad tik toks about being hurt or on new yorks eve (2024 going to 2025) i was watching sad tik toks like this and there was a sad tik tok with some poetic sentences about leaving someone in the year with sad song and sad romantic??? sentence and i liked it put in in favourites and sent mt friends? (i didnt tell mt boyfriend i did that) and i also sent them tik toks like in some days the year you loved me is going to end and i also told them how sad i am etc and i cried to sad songs and later burried my pictures with this person and i started stressing about it when i started texting it because i told my boyfriend that i was still sad about what this guy did to me but i didnt tell him everything in details and im scared that i might have said that i miss him or something romantical and im stressing more now and that i should tell mt boyfriend in details. i also used to write poems about him later but not directly about him they were about the pain, being hurt or being strangers when we used to haf something. and i regret that i used to be sad about everything and that i was telling my friends things like this

@varen i also told my boyfriend that it was symbolic end of this part of my life but im scared it wasnt and what i said was an excuse

@varen You are allowed to think these things but should not stress about it. Accept that it could or could have not happened. Uncertainty is okay, even if it’s uncomfortable. We CAN be uncertain and uncomfortable I promise. Ocd makes you wanna get to the end of everything or get closure on everything but that can’t always be the case. You don’t have to tell your boyfriend anything, you haven’t done anything wrong. Tell yourself that you haven’t done anything wrong!! There’s nothing to feel guilty about. Even if there was something to feel guilty about, it’s okay to feel guilty and you don’t need to immediately fix that feelings. Live and embrace the feelings and learn how to live with it. Avoiding and folding into compulsions is what feeds your OCD. You will be okay I promise. I understand your feelings and so many people on this app can relate, you’re not alone!!

@Stella01. thank you!! could i somehow text you when im stressed? your message helped me alot im not stressing as much as i were but ill understand if its not possible

@varen Whenever you need something you can always reply to one of my comments on this thread then we can go from there! Sorry it’s really important to me that I stay anonymous on this app 🙂 im glad I could help you!

@Stella01. its totally okay for me! at first i wanted to ask if i could reply to your comment when im stressing about something but i thought it might be easier for you if i ask generally about messaging or something but i understand i also prefer to be anonymous here

@varen You’re totally good! 😊

thank you!!! ive been stressing so much recently even about old stuff i talked about with mt boyfriend or stressed about earlier because i put aside my meds because they werent really helping and i think that its also because on the days im not hanging out with my boyfriend, i dont really go out anymore i just stay at home and lay in bed

@varen It's okayyyy varenn 🫂, maybe you can do small things to even on your home like doing small things that you like is also good craft or something 😊 Don't be late eating, okay!! And the important is sleep 7/8 hrs ( it's really important especially for woman )

@T.028._ im planning on crafting patches tomorrow but also when im doing something the thoughts doesnt stop. sometimes i hope when ill go to sleep and then wake up i wont remember the thoughts but they are still there

i have big problem with keeping healthy habits, sleeping and sport. in also struggling with depressive episodes so that makes everything worse. my next appointment is next week and im going to book a psychiatrist appointment to get new meds! i recently put aside my meds because they werent really working

@varen Glad you are following up with your therapist.👍