ROCD and Porn

Hi all, I'm really struggling with theme and it's effecting my marriage. Just as a background, I've had ocd for years since I was a kid. It started as religious ocd, abated for several years, then pocd came next along with pretty much every other theme. It constantly shifts. My graceful wife accepts me for who I am, but my ocd really started spinning out when we got engaged. At that point, many things became a trigger but porn being the most. My wife is okay with me watching porn, but virtually everytime I watch porn, I think I've seen someone I know in real life whether it be exes, friends, my wife's family, people I might have briefly met or maybe remember. That would also lead to the compulsive checking of trying to find identifying tattoos or other things that would point to some certainty of whether or not its them. This brings an insane amount of guilt as I think seeing that or having watched something that includes any of those people as an ultimate betrayal even if it's unintentional. I compulsively confessed so many times over the last 2 years and I feel terrible for burdening my wife. Not that I watched porn really often, but this would happen every single time I did. I've gone a couple of months without it, it kinda just depends on my mood but it's also been a several year long habit. It's at the point where I know when I watch it's gonna happen again. Like I said part of me will still watch out of habit in moderation, but the other part of me does it anyway as a sort of exposure therapy I guess, to try to watch it without the thoughts and paranoia. It also feels like another thing ocd took from me sexually, as I have the same intrusive thoughts and images during any form of intimacy. Interestingly, I never had this issue in past relationships, only with my wife. Anyway, the burden of the confessions hit a breaking point the last time I watched and thought I saw my friend's wife. The issue that my wife really took with is that she doesn't look anywhere like her so she assumed she's not my type and that i desire someone like that. But that's not the case and I'm really not even attracted to my friend's wife. I also explained that what I view isn't based on type more so context or act and these videos where I freak out over, aren't actually ones I'm watching. Its the thumbnails on the feed where I'll freak out, skip past it, finish up then go back to compulsively check which also makes me feel worseAnd it's devastating to think I've made her feel this way when all I want to do is build her confidence up not break it down. We're okay, but she said she cant help me with this anymore (meaning hearing the confessions) and to never any of it up or like it again, which I completely understand as a lot of this is out of my selfishness with the constant confessions. She left it at that and we've been okay. Fast forward two weeks and the exact same thing happened again over the exact same person, but I actually thought I saw her husband in it too. I freaked out and checked his instagram to see if i saw identifying tattoos on both of them (I did not, but I feel like it was wrong to check especially since his wife had cleavage pics and one of the tattoos were in cleavage so that felt wrong seeing it. I don't know how I'm supposed to hang out with them at this point. It's been 3 days since it happened, I haven't confessed and it feels like I'm dying inside but if I bring this up again I think it could seriously impact my marriage and her well being so I'm trying to keep it down which is making my nervous system go haywire. I'm becoming increasingly convinced that I'm letting my ocd sink what was a wonderful ship, which was my greatest fear in the first place when we got engaged. I guess I'm just seeing if anyone else has been in a similar situation or had similar triggers and paranoia and how it effected your relationship and any advice. I really don't know have anyone to talk to about this.