ROCD makes me feel crazy

I never realized how bad my ROCD was until I started NOCD. For as long as I can remember I’ve been obsessed with how I’m perceived and what people think of me. I ruminate on any mistakes I’ve made and I assume the worst from everyone else. I compare myself to other people in every way imaginable and I envy people who have a sense of self, even if they’re vastly different from me, because I don’t think I’ve ever had a sense of self. I think my whole life I’ve lived for other people’s approval. I feel really crazy and weird for thinking this, I feel like if people truly knew just how much stock I put into their opinions of me they’d be weirded out. I wish I could let go of the need to be liked so badly. I don’t like myself and it makes managing this difficult

Hobbit

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

This resonates with me a lot. You are not alone. I’ve had success with ERP in this area — it has helped me learn to tolerate the possibility that people may not like me or may judge me. I can let my work and myself be imperfect. I’ve gotten more trusting of other people (still working on this one, but have made lots of progress). Have you chatted with your therapist on how you might tackle this aspect of your OCD? They might have suggestions specifically tailored for you / your OCD.

mish

Date posted: Yesterday

@Hobbit I haven’t really been able to get into this type of work in my sessions yet but I really want to. I will bring it up to my therapist in our next session. I feel a lot of shame around this and have a hard time opening up about it because it feels shameful and embarrassing.

Hobbit

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@mish Totally. Shame has kept me spooling in the dark on lots of things for a while, rather than seeking support sooner. I sometimes think shame is a tactic OCD uses to keep us from getting better. It’s really hard to share things that make us feel vulnerable or “less-than.” But allowing ourselves to feel the shame / fear / other negative emotions and doing the thing we want to do anyway — not letting that shame hold us back from being who we want to be — doing the hard thing that will help us get better is what helps us move forward. Allowing it to be hard and taking it on anyway has really helped me. All this to say, you’re not alone and I’m cheering you on. 🙂

mish

Date posted: Yesterday

@Hobbit This feels so encouraging and helpful to hear. Thank you for your support ❤️

Hobbit

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@mish Yay! Glad to hear it help 🥰❤️

j vv

Date posted: 17h

Hi mish 👋 chronic over-helper and people-pleaser here. When I hit rock bottom and realized how small I had made myself for everyone around me, I realized I needed a change too. These are habits and patterns your brain and body have learned to survive over time. They will take time and effort to change, but they are changeable. In fact, your brain is pretty incredible—it can create intense nightmareish symptoms via OCD, but it can also adapt quickly to what you would like it to do! Keep up serious consistent effort in therapy and do your best not to worry about progress. When climbing a mountain, you put one foot in front of the other.🏔️ OCD will always want to shout “ARE WE THERE YET??” or “WE’LL NEVER MAKE IT, IT WAS SAFER AT THE BOTTOM”….but the climb is worth it. Once you conquer your biggest symptoms, the freedom as you look out at your life is incredible—you can do this!!

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