Backdoor Spike Or Normal Flare Up?

Hi all! :(˘•̥⧿•̥˘ ): I wanted to ask a question about backdoor spikes, since I don't believe I've ever experienced one knowingly so I'm not entirely sure how to go about handling things. I recently went through a life change (Saturday was very traumatic for me, for context), so I wasn't devoting as much time to my intrusive thoughts as I normally would wind up doing (I still had them, but I had a lot going on and just moved along). Today on Instagram I got a reel that would've caused a normal OCD loop of trigger → intrusive thought → anxiety → compulsion. Instead of having an immediate spike of anxiety like normal, I just kind of felt nothing and kept scrolling. I got anxious about the lack of an emotional response to the trigger, which then caused bodily anxiety responses that I latched onto. I started ruminating on it and I think I was trying to purposely trigger myself to respond how I normally would, which I know is a compulsion. Would this be a backdoor spike, since I initially handled it like the we aim to (with the intrusive thoughts just existing, not really responding, and moving on) and I'm fixating on my non-response? How are you supposed to handle backdoor spikes...? It's hard to not get anxious when you get so used to responding with distress and anxiety, even when I know the goal is to respond less. 😞

Mackenzie - ...

User type: Staff

Date posted: 20h

Hi! Thanks so much for reaching out! I am linking an article on backdoor spikes from the NOCD library section of our website that I hope you will find helpful! https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/info/ocd-stats-and-science/backdoor-spikes-how-to-deal-with-sudden-ocd-episodes

pururin

Date posted: Yesterday

Adding onto this because I want to vent a little: It's really frustrating that I've been diagnosed with OCD, I exhibit clear symptoms that are trackable and align with the criteria, I can identify multiple themes I suffer from, and somehow my brain still wants to try and convince me that one theme in particular might not be OCD and I'm just faking it. It's the first theme that I ever dealt with, it was my main theme when I was diagnosed, and I've had it go away for multiple years with other themes taking its place—I wish I didn't have to deal with it, I know I have OCD and that this is just another theme of it but it makes me so upset. It doesn't align with my life, my values, my morals, anything—it's stopping me from living life how I wanted to when I was 17 before it onset—and yet I still have to suffer with it and doubt everything because my brain doesn't function how it should. I need an OCD specialist so bad but they're so expensive and no one ever takes my insurance. 😞

pururin

Date posted: Yesterday

@pururin This is like my one singular crash out post on here. 😭 I miss when my intrusive thoughts were about me cheating on my fiancé and not what they are now. I hate living like this.

Anonymous

Date posted: 20h

@pururin Hang in there you are not alone. You are not your thoughts. 🙏✝️🙏

lucyjade1998

Date posted: 19h

I am going through this right now and it’s so scary. I don’t think being on Sertraline is helping either as it’s made me feel numb. I’m getting anxious over not being anxious over the thoughts that would cause me distress like as crazy as it sounds I wish they were distressing me. 😭

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond