Help please

How can I cope with the fact that my stable preferences over time prove that I am not the identity I was born as. I want to feel connected to my feminine body but have been socially and physically uncomfortable for most of my past and it’s making everything feel like it has now “clicked” that my internal identity is what is wrong. I don’t want to change my identity or my life but everything is so wrong right now. Part of me feels like it’s worse in my head than what my reality is, but I know that I have felt discomfort in the moment too and that usually indicates that it’s actual gender misalignment and not OCD. I don’t think I’ll ever get out of this as a woman, but I don’t want to take any steps to affirm that I’m trans either. I want to feel like a woman but my mind has told me that’s gone forever and that I’d rather be something else. I don’t feel like I belong at all.

cf05

Date posted: 20h

I don’t want to see myself this way. I want to see myself as a woman but I just don’t.

Ben_T26

Date posted: 17h

@cf05 I am the same way. The distress I feel from seeing myself as male is so great because I am convinced I am living a false life. I am completely paralyzed and don’t know what to do because I just want to be male

Burnsey

Date posted: 19h

I’m not going to give you the answer others may agree with, but I’ll go for it. I think society has started this whole idea of feeling like this gender or that gender or whatever. But what is that based on? What is feeling like a man or a woman? You were born in the body you have. You have the plumbing you have, whatever that is. Obsessing over what identity you think you might have is not a solution. You’re not born into the wrong body - you are a beautiful creation. You may have some thoughts that are feeding into a loop, but obsessing over them isn’t going to get you clarity. Talk to God about it. Read the Word. Don’t assume every thought you have is true or has some deeper meaning. Sometimes we just have random thoughts. Where OCD comes in is we assign much more to those thoughts, assume the worst, fear them, and then perform compulsive behavior to cope. Reject that path. Seek God. He loves you, and so do I.

Coret

Date posted: 19h

I have really enjoyed discovering that my identity as a woman feels different than what I see in the mainstream. I’m bisexual, I don’t necessarily dress for the male gaze, I’d rather be cool/badass/sexy than soft/feminine/beautiful. There are so many ways to explore what it is to just be YOU and not have to label it according to everyone else. Being a woman is defined in a multitude of ways. By strength, by intuition, by experience, etc. I grew up with a mom who was so masculine (and cisgender!) that she was called sir all of the time. She was more confident in men’s clothes and had a lot of “men’s” hobbies and interests. Yet I’ll never forget getting to a campground after a rough roadtrip, her showering and shaving, and coming back singing emphatically “I feel like a woman!” (Shania Twain’s hit!) Would it be okay to just not know the perfect answer? Maybe no words or labels or identities will ever capture you 100% because you are dynamic, ever changing, and more interesting than one part of layer of who you are 💗

Michael N

Date posted: 19h

But you do belong, just as you are! We are no more our bodies as we are our thoughts. If your true me core being is pure spirit, then there really is no gender identity at all. Maybe such a shift in perspective might help — hope it does! Be well, Michael

Coati

Date posted: 4h

The most freeing thing a non-binary person told me many, many years ago was: "You don't have to label yourself anything. You don't even have to know how you want to label yourself if that's just not where you're at." And somehow, that took a huge pressure off. Cheers from someone who has decided to make a lot of room for myself in the label woman! Labels are meant to be expanded and grow with you like a much-worn coat or sweater. 💜

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