This is quite the long one and also contains spoilers for episode 64 of the podcast Camp Here & There (which I totally recommend listening to blind so be warned!) but it’s definitely my favorite;
“I’ve cowered too long. I’ve refused to see, closed the blinds of my world to cradle the kernel of my
fear. I will stare, fully, wholly, into the beautiful corona, as I crawl within an inch of my life. Upwards.
Upwards. Slowly, grinding and pulling at the earth with a fervent, languid heave. One clench after
another.
I keep crawling, even as the drawing light starts to bleach through my eyelids, like acid through
tissue. I can’t blink it away. You’d think I’d be used to it by now. The heat sizzles my mouth dry, and
the sweat runs off me in chemical sheets.
Through the animal suture of my vision, I see the storms to come. I see it all, the beginning and the
end: I see the camp buoyed on a sea made of melted phone screens and charred honeycomb. I see
Juniper, knuckles bone-white and bleeding on the glass, laughing as he hammers sense back into the
world with the sheer percussion of survival. I see Soren, on hands and knees, pulling the dead out of
the mud, weeping deliriously as he names them.
I see Fennel in the grip of something huge and burning. They are smiling. The storm swallows them
both, but I can still hear Soren’s voice in the updraft, clear and unafraid. You would like that,
wouldn't you, Soren?
I keep looking. Worse things arrive. The sun pulses, spitting kaleidoscopes of tragedy. Birds ignite in
flight. Clouds curdle into knuckles before lashing out in violence. The winds shear trees clean, then
peel the lawns like old glue bandages. I see it all, every possibility, every ending. They crowd
together, fight for precedence, jerk through me like lightning hitching a ride on my lymph system.
But there is beauty, too, in the crush. A hundred faces, some I know and some I never will; they
scavenge, they mourn, but they keep making tunnels. They keep making paths. The storm flattens,
and still the hands raise up houses against the sky. Even in the hollow of disaster, the world is thick
with wanting to live.
My heart is a centrifuge. My ribs want to shatter. The light thickens and blazes, white with fury and
knife-bone. I do not stop. I crawl upwards, I crawl in service of every
"if I get out" promise I gave the
tunnel, the sky, Juniper, myself.
I pay for every inch with my vision. The light chars my retinas. I know I am going blind. I watch the
sun until it is a white-hot needle, until the darkness rushes in from the sides. I will not look away.
It’s burned in, every image, every forecast, every warning.
If it costs my eyes, let it. I will be the prophet they need, even if I have to spell the warnings in blood
on the walls of the camp. My eyes are melting, but my mind is clear.
And then the world goes dark-swirl, hot, then cold, then nothing. I am without light, but I know the
way.”
Sorry you had to scroll past that wall of text lol I’m incapable of shutting up about my special interest