Any tips?

For about 6 months now maybe longer I’ve been dealing with the extreme fear of God in general. What is he really like, if I don’t do enough or if I stop praying stuff like that will I go to hell?, heaven sounds scary being FOREVER, what if I die today or soon. It’s so tiring and I’m so easily triggered that I feel weak. I’m always researching how to finally be better but that fear in the back of my head that I haven’t repented and that God is mad at me is always there and it hurts so bad. I’m constantly checking myself if I’m going a bad thing which is exhausting. I want to enjoy my life and when I have fun events that fear will still be there and genuinely makes me want to cry knowing I can’t do anything! And honestly I don’t even want to pray and do all those things all the time it makes me feel I HAVE to force myself to have a relationship with him. I love God, but I feel this is too much. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be the same person that I used to be. I’ve always been an anxious person but this randomly came up and dude I’m just so scared to die. I always feel I’m not all the way there physically. I don’t know how I’ll be okay to be alright without knowing Gods intentions on me and where I’m going in the afterlife, like it’s such a huge topic! Seeing others not struggle with this makes me feel I’m missing out on so much. I need help so badly.

mjr-rust

Date posted: Yesterday

This does sound tiring. I'm not sure if I'll be much help since I don't have as strong as a relationship with God as others, but I think it's important to remember that your relationship with him is determined by you and you only. If you feel forced to do certain things to be close with him or really just don't feel like doing them that's okay. The ways in which we all connect with higher powers is vastly different, so I feel that's evidence enough there is not strictly one way to do it. Also often emphasized is that we are not perfect beings. Humans make mistakes until we die; it is unavoidable. And it sounds like you are trying your best—if not unnecessarily more—to be a good person. Why would he be upset with you for trying? These are just things to keep in mind, but the biggest thing, as always with OCD, are the "what ifs." I know it's hard, but you just have to accept everything as a maybe. No one on this entire planet knows for sure, and you don't need to either. Take care of yourself first and foremost. I hope you can make progress with this 🫂

Emmzbeez

Date posted: Yesterday

@mjr-rust This is really sweet thank you sm I see where you’re coming from💕💕🫂

Anonymous

Date posted: 22h

My OCD first manifested just like this! I literally experienced everything you’ve talked about! I was about 10 when it first started, and 13 when I recovered. Full disclosure, my recovery was due to me leaving my religion. I’d been DEEP in it as well, I went to religious schools, altar served at church every Sunday, I’d never known anything else. But what I realised much later, was that my OCD had been caused by me questioning if the religion I’d been born into was really for me, and ultimately, it wasn’t. I realised that I wanted a different life, and that I’d never really believed any of it anyway, and that meant that I didn’t believe in what I was afraid of. That’s when everything changed for me. I’m not saying that’s going to be your solution, OCD is different for everyone! Just know, you aren’t alone, and so many people understand how you feel. If you have any questions about my recovery, I’m more than happy to answer them! ☺️

Emmzbeez

Date posted: 13h

@Anonymous Woww I see, you never really believed in the teachings or just the concept? Also not to stress you out by asking this but do you ever worry about the afterlife and if you did the right the right thing to get to heaven? This question is just the core problem of scrupulosity for me so I’m just curious. Thank you sm for telling your story I really appreciate it 💕🫂

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