Advice please

My mind is trying to convince me I’m attracted to my boyfriend’s brother, because he tells me his relationship problems and him and his mom ask for my input. And I tried getting close to him when me and my bf was talking at first, so I could have a better shot?? I guess but I never really spoke to him, and I sit near him and class and sometimes I wanna speak to him, but it feels so like gross? Like it makes my chest feel weird? and sometimes I run into him and I just walk around him or kinda avoid him tbh..? Like idk. And when he’s around I sometimes get annoyed. Like my bf has done things where I’ve been like errrrr yeahhh…. But his brother gives me a terrible ick. Like. This is worrying me sm. Please someone help me 💔💔💔. And I never really noticed him until me and my bf got tg, and my minds like “u said u want him and his gf to break up blah blah” and my memory is literally trying to tell me I did that. But I do not remember it at all. But please advise anyone.and I got told he apparently said my name during s*x which is extremely weird. And when I seen him talking to another girl I felt like a gross jealousy? But I have no reason to be jealous??? Please advice anyone

italiah_jean...

Date posted: 8h

Ok. First off as of right now, you're okay. You mentioned you want to talk to him sometimes. If you talk to other guys casually, then you know it's OCD. Either way, talk to him, you will notice that you CAN tolerate the discomfort! It sounds like your OCD is especially latched on to this because it's emotionally complex-- you me mentioned wanting to talk to him but also him giving you an ick-- and it's trying to solve that (unsuccessfully). You're already doing a good job not getting pulled into your OCD when you realize that some of what your mind is telling you was not a real event. And also here's an uncomfortable (but tolerable) perspective: ROCD can pick up on real things in your environment-- maybe there is some ambiguity. The difference isn't whether it's all total bananas (although some of it is)-- it's that ROCD can also magnify and escalate emotions/ thoughts. Please know that you don't need to solve the complexity right now. You can just let yourself feel how you feel-- and it doesn't have to be dangerous. When you take a step back from "solving", it might help you.

NorthCarolin...

Date posted: 7h

@italiah_jeanette Well he’s more like family… so I think my ROCD took family comfort and made it ROMANTIC. because I could never date this guy 😅

NorthCarolin...

Date posted: 7h

@italiah_jeanette I don’t think it’s romantic at all in anyway.

NorthCarolin...

Date posted: 7h

@italiah_jeanette This kinda just made me overthink worse

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8h

The more you ruminate or try to solve something of argue against your mind, the louder OCD will get. Are you familiar with non engagement responses?

NorthCarolin...

Date posted: 7h

@MichelleV Not really

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 7h

@NorthCarolinaqueen Those are essentially responses to work with your OCD. For example, when your ocd wants you to figure something out, you can say “ok OCD I hear you, but I’m not going to do that,” or “wow! What a silly thought. Thanks OCD,” or “maybe this is true, maybe it isn’t. Who knows? I don’t have figure it out,” etc

NorthCarolin...

Date posted: 7h

@MichelleV Well the other person who commented it kinda made it worse

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6h

@NorthCarolinaqueen That’s ok. You don’t have to take every piece of advice given to you. Find what works for you

NorthCarolin...

Date posted: 6h

@MichelleV Well they said it could be some mixed feelings? But that makes no sense. I think my ROCD turned family feeling into romantic bc I have a comfort level? Do u think so. I wanna hear other ops

MichelleV

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5h

@NorthCarolinaqueen I don’t feel like I can answer that. But, what I can say is that OCD will latch on to what you value. From your post, it sounds like you value your boyfriend, and you value his family. And it also sounds like you value being a good person with morals. So this is what OCD will hold on to. Try not to analyze your feelings or convince your memory. Practice tolerating the uncertainty and giving yourself grace. OCD is hard to live with

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