False memories are ruining me

I just needed a place to vent without feeling judged. I never thought I would post in here, but here we are. I’ve been having this awful false memory this week. It’s about an “event” that I made in solitude, that implied indirect harm to loved ones. I know it’s a false memory. And I know it, because the last year I had this exact damn false memory, with just slight variations like the person I “harmed” and the content of the memory. I have understood that OCD can recycle past obsessions, like this one. And however… it just feels so damn real. OCD just keeps replaying the false event over and over and over and over to the point I sometimes even believe it, even when I know it’s not true. I researched for evidence that I never did that, Iooked for reassurance, I mental reviewed, I made EVERY SINGLE COMPULSION I made the last year when this exact obsession appeared, and guess what? NOTHING. There was NOTHING. And yet, OCD keeps projecting this intrusive images, this feelings, this guilt, this nausea, this pain and fear that all this that feels so real might be real, even knowing that is not… It’s just awful. Living like this, trying to do your daily life without confessing something you’ve never done, without trying to prove yourself you never did something that you already know. I’m just tired. I can’t even talk to the person that this obsession is telling me I harmed, because of shame, disgust, guilt and hate on myself. I’m sorry if you read this and felt disgusted or something, I just needed where to throw all this

Anonymous

Date posted: 3d

I’ve been there. Try doing some imaginal scripts for the next few days. Label your thoughts and compulsions quickly and try and move on and live your life….hang in there!

anthonycaronna

Date posted: 2d

False memory OCD definitely is, at least for me, a terrible, terrible subtype to deal with. Sometimes my own false memories are seem just too true to be real and it’s terrible. But I’m trying to apply erp methods to this to help me get over this. Hang in there

Konni34

Date posted: 3d

I just want it to stop

Illyas

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

When you say false memory like your ocd create a memory where you are acting on those thoughts or wdym by it?

Konni34

Date posted: Yesterday

@Illyas I don’t know how to explain it at all. It’s just a false memory where I “did” something awful without much else. I had this exact false memory the last year, the only thing that changes is the person who I “harmed” (the first time was a familiar, now is my girlfriend). I don’t think I understand the question, sorry

Illyas

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 14h

@Konni34 Yes I do, the trick is, with false memory you always gonna get “surprise” with that memory like watching a horror movie for the first time. That’s how you know it’s false memory, the images can be disturbing . Mine started as just what if but unfortunately it ended up with images and since I was obsessed with remembering it attached to it instantly but let’s be honest if you broke your arm when you where a kid which I did, when you get the memory you don’t go “omg did I brake my arm how did I never knew” you always say oh yeah I did that etc. take it as ocd it’s all ocd man

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