The past

CHILDHOOD PAST. I remember being very hyper sexual as a child, I don’t remember when it started. I remember I did things with girls I don’t know if I started it or if they did. I was very young. I remember one day I had my baby nephew on top of me; I got extreme anxiety and had an intrusive thought that I had to hump him because of the stuff I did in the past. At this time I was still pretty young. I remember feeling really ashamed, anxiety and confused. I can’t remember if I did actually humped him once. I do remember after that I told my mom what I did and I started having panic attacks. I still to this day, do not forgive myself. For the stuff I did and to my nephew. I can’t fully remember if I did or not but I feel like I did because I was so confused. I have isolated myself for years from kids and didn’t want anything to do with sexual stuff for years. If I did, I’m incredibly sorry. If I could go back I would never did the things I did. That I would hurt someone, the amount of guilt I feel from all of it. I am so sorry. I genuinely wish I could go back. I’m struggling with this so bad. When I was younger I had convinced myself that I should go to prison when I was 12. Sometimes I still feel that way, I never meant to hurt anyone.

argoalways

Date posted: 4d

Hi 💛 I have some similar experiences. I did not understand it. And I have felt a lot of fear/guilt/shame about it before, and sobbed about the things I feel like I’ve done wrong as a kid who didn’t know any better. Kids get feelings they don’t understand, and they test things they don’t understand because they’re experimenting with living. Kids lie, for example, not even because they are deeply thinking about it and want to lie, but because they are testing the boundaries of existing because they don’t know much yet. Kids are experimenting and learning. Nothings wrong with you. Sit with it, it will pass. I knowwww that’s not helpful to hear, because I’ve been in your position and hearing that was agonizing. But it’s truly all that can be said. You’re not uniquely messed up in this way.

Anxious girl💐

Date posted: 3d

@Anonymous It’s so incredibly hard to sit with it because it makes my skin crawl and I get panic attacks from it. I genuinely wish I could go back it’s so hard

Worry Rock1234

Date posted: 9h

I know it isn’t exact but when I was 6 I had a family friend come over and I considered her my cousin, we had sleep overs and we saw each other all the time I think we were good friends. Well one night her family was leaving after visiting us and I went to say goodbye to her in the front yard and I got this thought and i think it was intrusive and it happened but also I don’t remember it so I am not sure if my brain has conjured this memory or if I did do this and that’s why I feel extremely guilty. I asked her if she wanted a kiss and I kissed my friend on lips and after that we went home and didn’t talk about it and I didn’t tell anyone like ever. I think about it all the time and it haunts me because I know it shouldn’t have happened but I did that as a kid anyways. I guess my point is that please don’t blame yourself.. it isn’t your fault that you did that to your nephew. The OCD and anxiety make you believe that you have to do these things and then we hate ourselves for it. Blame the OCD please and give yourself grace you are still growing and learning and healing everyday.

Anxious girl💐

Date posted: 9h

@Worry Rock1234 Girl thank you so much for responding. It’s been so hard dealing with this. I think I was at some sexually abused or I was hyper sexual, was SO confused at that age obviously. Thank you definitely been through what you been through 💗 it’s not talked about honestly.

Worry Rock1234

Date posted: 9h

It isn’t and if it is people are shamed for it or looked down upon instead of offered support or help and that truly makes me sad. Having someone to talk to you helps the healing process ☺️

Anxious girl💐

Date posted: 4d

Someone pls help me :/

Anxious girl💐

Date posted: 4d

Is there something wrong with me?

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