I need help with my erp

Hey everyone,For the last while, I've been trying to practice, I’ve been stuck in a non-stop loop where my thoughts and feelings felt like 100% facts. It wasn't even "uncertainty" anymore—it felt like an undeniable truth that I was gay, even though I’ve always been attracted to women(I think.... I get doubts if that's even true now) It's hard because apparently im supposed to not give judgement or meaning to all these feelings and thoughts that keep calling me gay,"like oh another thought" but it keeps coming back constantly especially after noticing it, and the feelings and thoughts feel so real like it's impossible to not give judgement, and my brain automatically gives it meaning to it all. apparently I'm suppose disregard my feelings and thoughts but it feels too impossible because I'm huperfocused on it all When I do erp I tried to find the perfect mantra for it"maybe maybe not" or "and" whenever I get to this bad cycle whether it's trying to prove my brain wrong about something, I tend to repeat a mantra 50 different times to "get the right feeling" because I try to do erp, it feels like I'm doing it wrong, I said it wrong, because the feelings and sensations will tell me it didn't work and get worse and it feels like I'm still in the cycle.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2d

I totally understand how you feel, but the more you stay hyper focus on it the more it seems real even when it’s not. That’s what OCD does especially SO-OCD you give it power by fixating on those thoughts or feelings. I know how scary it is but i don’t want to reassure you because that’s what OCD wants but work on notice the unwanted feeling or unwanted thoughts without fighting or trying to prove it. Label those unwanted feelings and unwanted thoughts and how it makes you feel. Say something like “ that’s an unwanted feeling or intrusive thought that makes me feel uncomfortable or anxious and caused by my OCD” don’t fight it or argue with it and say “I can live with uncertainty “ and let it pass and continue with what you are doing. Keep practicing it. I know what your going through I’ve been suffering with SO-OCD for 5 months and I know how scary and stressful it can be but ERP is the best way and it will help you overcome the fears. It gets better, the most important things is know that OCD wants to bully you and take everything away from you. Stay strong, you can do it. Remember let’s those thoughts and unwanted feelings pass, sit with them, label them and within time it will get better. OCD makes things feel real but they are not. They go against your true morals and values.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2d

Thank you so much for taking the time to help me, it means a lot ❤️ the problem when I says it just ocd huge wave of doubtsike in lying to myself comes in and I know I'm supposed to allow that to happen without arguing or proving it wrong or solving it, but man it's hard and it's hard to live with uncertainty when it doesn't feel like that but like 100% true statement. But If I have this right is radical acceptance"my ocd is in the room right now, it's giving me these uncomfortable and unwanted thoughts, feelings about being gay that feal real, loud and urgent, but I'm choosing to not fight it or engage with it, and sit with the discomfort" and than while the feelings and thoughts are still loud, screaming, still hyperfocused on it all, urgent, feels like a truthful fact, choose to let it all exist but not fight or prove it wrong or solve it. and let be here and throw its tantrum and let It feel like actual torture for as long as it has to take

bluetree

Date posted: 2d

OCD is really difficult to deal with, especially when you are in a loop, I’ve been there and it sucks. But it is very possible to get out of it, I’ve done it many times! I noticed you wrote that you are supposed to “disregard” your feelings and thoughts, and I would say that is not exactly the ERP approach. Really, you are maintaining uncertainty with those thoughts, and letting them be there without doing anything about it. Try not to focus on doing ERP perfectly either as this can become a compulsion (it never ends with OCD lol). Just focus on maintaining uncertainty and not trying to “prove” your thoughts one way or another. Remember, anything that makes you feel better is a compulsion (be careful with telling yourself “this is OCD” as I’ve had this compulsion get me really stuck in loops before). You got this!

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