I shouldn't have said it

I came home from school and my dad was angry at everyone in my house, especially my nephew (he's 5) and we don't know why he's mad. So after hearing he scream at everyone, I told my mom that I was searching for apartments because I would like to live alone in the future (I'm 17 and it's literally impossible for me to live alone rn because I don't have a job and I'm a student), after that I just couldn't stop thinking that I made her feel bad, don't get me wrong I have a great relationship with my parents, I luv them so much and they are my top best friends but it's just that I want to have peace, I've been thinking of the apartments since the start of the year (because my dad and my brother had a horrible fight and I just couldn't bare it anymore) So after I told my mom that I just couldn't stop the thought that I made her feel sad because she is kinda sentimental at the thought of us leaving the house (I have a bigger sister who left the home years yeaaaars ago), so I told her multiple times that I was just thinking out loud and that I wasn't planning on doing it like right now, that I would like to stay here as long a possible and I kept apologizing and crying because I couldn't hold it. She told me that it was okay that I wanted to move on, that she was expecting me to think and say that one day and that's okay, she also told me that she isn't going to keep me here forever, she wants me to see the world from another perspective and it's fine for me to have those thoughts. I just could think that I made her feel bad like she thinks I wanna move out because of the fights (obviously they're not everyday so don't worry) and I kept apologizing and apologizing and saying that I shouldn't say that, I regret saying that because I don't want her to feel bad I was just saying things out loud

Anonymous

Date posted: 16h

It's ok to feel a lot of big, complicated emotions about your parents and for wanting to be more independent. Growing up is complex, and figuring out how to exist as an independent person, separate from your family can bring on senses of loss and excitement for you and probably for them. Growth is often is a combination of loss and gain. Loss is not always a bad thing. I had similar thoughts at your age. Worries for how my mother was feeling. Your mother, like all people, are full of independent thoughts and wishes and feelings, that are separate from you and aren't for you to take care of or even completely understand. She's an adult and she is there to support you and love you as you grow and become independent. When I worry about how I may have made others feel, I remind myself that when you love someone, you trust them too. If my mom told me what your mom told you, I will take what she said at face value because I have to trust her to be honest with me, because she loves me. If she felt otherwise, I would need to trust that she would tell me. She is proud of you, even if she feels a little sad her baby is growing up. Watching your baby spread it's wings is equal parts thrilling and sad. Growth is complicated, but complicated isn't bad! The thoughts and feelings of other people, the ones they keeps to themselves, are not my business. Some thing are just meant for them. Some things are just meant for you. Like a garden, grown just for you. We feel fear when we don't know everything. We want to control all things to keep us safe. That's part of OCD. Thoughts are like leaves in the wind that sometimes get stuck in our hair. Pull out those leaves, and let them go. Of course, this is easier said than done. Navigating growing up and family is hard. Trust is hard. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that you aren't alone in these thoughts and experiences.

Se3ther

Date posted: 2h

This!!! It made me tear ngl :'( I don't want my mom or my dad to think that I would leave the house because of their fault and it hurts me that maybe they would think that, I know what my mom meant with everything she said but I hate to see her sad and now knowing that I would like to live alone. Thanks for your precious help, I'm tearing omg 😞

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