Hi! I’ve dealt with hocd for a while but now i’m lost. i’ll get aroused by same sex like scrolling on tik tok then i go watch porn and end up watching same sex porn and get aroused and orgasm really strong. i feel like this isn’t ocd anymore. it doesnt feel like im testing or its a compulsion anymore it feels like i want to.
Hi anonymous12345675883 👋 Sexuality and attraction are complex! As a fellow SOCD sufferer, it was very important that I worked with my therapist to identify my root fears with this theme. From there, you can discuss and figure out exactly what your values are…and then act in ways that align with that! A key distinction I learned was to identify where the distress was coming from. If intrusive thoughts and compulsive actions go against your values, it is likely OCD. However, if you enjoy something but fear the consequences, that may be something else entirely. The distress may be coming from the *fear of repercussions*. Remember to be patient with yourself and allow for complexity as you work through this. Slow and steady self-discovery is the goal here. OCD always wants a nice, safe, black & white box to trap us in, but there is so much more to us humans than being defined by a single category. You don’t need an exact answer or to panic. Work with your therapist and you can sort this out in as much time as it takes!
@j vv no yeah it’s definitely ocd. i’ve been diagnosed three times. but for three years ive dealt with this theme and was in so much fear and distress somedays i couldn’t move. now i think about it less but still have the arousal and those feelings just less scary. i’ve always dated and crushed on only men. this is really the only part that’s still lingering. but it feels very real. i’m not homophobic if that’s what ur asking it is
@j vv i’m just scared like the ocd and anxiety is going away and revealing something real or is it still ocd just i’ve habituated
@anonymous12345675883 Thanks for your replies here! No, I am definitely not suggesting you are homophobic. I think a licensed professional can help you parse whether you have habituated here or not (which is entirely possible). What I was hoping to get across was something from my own journey with SOOCD. There was an *urgent need to know, now!* driven by fear…needing to know immediately, with no room for complexity or patience. Fighting that impulse helped me work with my therapist on the very tricky parts of this theme without giving into temporary panic. It took months and months of work, and once I stopped giving in to OCD’s panic about this theme, I was able to have things better come into focus.
@j vv did u ever experience what i’m going through?
@anonymous12345675883 Something similar! But everybody’s case is unique, which is why I am not sharing many details. I completely understand feeling panicked and confused with this theme.😵💫 OCD has a way of mixing us all up. Untangling it calmly together with your therapist (and being prepared for it to take as long as it needs to) was key for me to make progress. When I let go of the *need to know*, and *the need to control the outcome*, and focused on learning more about myself, things became more clear. I hope you find that clarity too!
Hey! What is the absolute worst thing that could happen if your fear came true? Can you think of your worst-case scenario?
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