Need help

I’m really struggling at the moment and was wondering if anyone can relate or has any advice. I keep getting intrusive thoughts about things I don’t actually want to think about. They’re usually disturbing, uncomfortable, or sometimes sexist thoughts that don’t reflect how I really feel. The problem is that I feel an overwhelming urge to tell someone about them, usually my boyfriend or my mom. It’s almost like I can’t relax until I’ve said the thought out loud. Once I tell them, the thought feels “neutralized” and the anxiety around it goes away for a while. I find it extremely difficult to resist this urge, but at the same time I feel so ashamed that I’m even having these thoughts in the first place. Has anyone else experienced something similar? What do you do to cope with these thoughts without having to confess them to someone? Are there any techniques or strategies that have helped you?

robinaeliz

Date posted: 18h

I have also felt the need to tell a ‘safe person’ my strangest thoughts/concerns as a way of reassurance. I have always doubted my own judgement and common sense, and I do feel relief when I can hand over my worry to someone else who I feel has better judgement than me. The relief doesn’t last long, though.

Hanna_20.10

Date posted: 18h

@robinaeliz Yes, that’s exactly how it feels for me too. I feel very ashamed of these thoughts, but telling someone about them seems to neutralize them. It’s almost as if the thought has been cleared or forgiven once I’ve said it out loud. Of course, a new thought eventually comes along and the whole cycle starts again. Have you found any strategies that help you avoid having to tell someone every time? It’s starting to affect my daily life quite a bit, and my boyfriend and my mom are also getting tired of me constantly telling them everything that goes through my mind, especially since some of these thoughts can be quite disturbing or upsetting.

robinaeliz

Date posted: 18h

I’m 72 now, and have struggled since my late teens with OCD. I nev r knew what it was for years. It now has attached itself to health anxiety, which I have experienced in the past, when I drove my mom to distraction with my constant need for reassurance. I like your concept of ‘neutralizing’ thoughts when you tell someone else about them. It’s kind of like, ‘Well, I told an adult about it, so they will handle it for me.’ I wish I had some strategies for you, but I still struggle, myself

Hanna_20.10

Date posted: 18h

@robinaeliz Wow, that’s a very long time to be dealing with this. I’m 26, and I’ve been struggling with OCD since I was nine years old. However, over the past six months my symptoms have become much more severe, and only recently I’ve developed this need to constantly share my thoughts with other people. I think “neutralizing” is actually a very accurate way to describe it, because it really does feel like you’re compulsively trying to hand the thought over to someone else so they can invalidate it and tell you that it’s nonsense, irrational, or not something you need to worry about. I also take medication for my anxiety, which helps keep me reasonably stable. If you haven’t already, it might be worth talking to a doctor about your anxiety and whether medication could be helpful for you as well. I wish you all the best and hope you continue to find the strength to keep going.

ThePanini

Date posted: 17h

I’ve had similar thoughts, though way less common. Writing it down helps me usually. I have an “everything book” that I sketch and write in and it’s helped me through a lot. I write in two different pens as two different voices, me and a sensible myself. It’s helped me whenever I had a thought that I didn’t agree with. Like when I got a crush on a horrible person and was too ashamed to tell a friend, I wrote it down and it told me she’s not worth it. May not work for everyone, but I hope it can help just a bit.

Hanna_20.10

Date posted: 17h

@ThePanini Thank you, that’s really kind of you. That already sounds like a really good approach. But what do you do when the thoughts are so awful that you don’t even want to write them down or say them out loud because they feel so disgusting or disturbing? Do you write them down anyway? Or do you handle them differently? I’m asking because that’s often the biggest hurdle for me.

ThePanini

Date posted: 16h

@Hanna_20.10 I try not to judge myself whenever I can. If you’re disgusted by the thought it can’t be completely yours, since you don’t agree with it. Sometimes I give the problem/thought to a made-up character. I find it’s much easier to admit and forgive when I see it from an outsider perspective. Like, yeah Joe’s wanted to eat people before, but he hasn’t done it, didn’t harm anyone, and is still a functioning member of society. (Sorry if that’s too much)

Hanna_20.10

Date posted: 15h

@ThePanini Yeah, maybe you’re right. Come to think of it, I should probably try the writing thing and maybe the idea of giving the thoughts to a different person/character. Earlier, I sat down with my mom and my boyfriend. I took both of their hands and told them that we were making a kind of pact. For now, I’m going to stop trying to talk about these thoughts all the time and try to work through them on my own as much as I can. But if I really can’t cope and the thoughts become overwhelming, we came up with a code word: SOS. That way they’ll know that I urgently need to talk. Tomorrow I’m also going to start exercising more again, and I’ve been thinking about trying Pilates. Maybe that will help. I’m feeling motivated, sort of, but at the same time I’m really scared that it won’t go away. I guess that’s normal, though.

ThePanini

Date posted: 14h

@Hanna_20.10 Yes! That’s amazing. Every step is a good step. And I know that coming from a stranger on the internet, it’s not much, but I am so proud of you. I love the help system you set up and I hope exercising goes well for you. Remember, trying and not succeeding the first time is much better than not trying at all.

Hanna_20.10

Date posted: 14h

@ThePanini Oh, that’s so sweet of you, and it honestly makes me really happy to hear that. It means a lot, even though you’re technically a stranger from the internet. It’s incredibly difficult to find people who have the same struggles, so I really appreciate being able to connect with others who understand what it’s like and feel the same way. I wish you all the best, and I think it’s really cool how well you’ve learned to cope with your challenges. I’m also proud of you for how far you’ve come and how well you’re handling everything. The fact that you’re even helping other people and responding to their problems is genuinely amazing. That’s really wonderful.

ThePanini

Date posted: 14h

@Hanna_20.10 Thank you so much, I wish you all the best too.

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