Questions about POCD Healing Process & Experiences

I'm a male, recently turned 20, and I'm currently in the process of trying to heal from my first real pocd spiral. Well, I'm assuming (and hoping) that it's pocd, as I've never been formally diagnosed. It's been going for about a month and a half, and I've been trying some at-home ERP and such. The effect has varied from day to day, but I feel like my baseline anxiety is decreasing as the days go on. However, I do understand that I could just be experiencing burnouts in quick succession, so I was wondering if my current experiences could be explained or at least be common among those with my suspected subtype. Regarding that, there are a few questions I have for anyone who comes across this post. It could help me and potentially others not feel so alone in their dread. 1. Does pocd sometimes feel like a separate personality trying to overtake your body? Sometimes the intrusive thoughts take the form of a voice of contradiction that seemingly wants me to give in to the intrusive thoughts. On top of that, there tend to be brief moments of excitement whenever an intrusive thought appears, but I am quick to consciously correct that feeling, though that correction may be a compulsion. 2. Is the healing process meant to feel like your agreeing with the thoughts when in actuality you don't? It gets confusing and uncomfortable to just let a thought so vile run around in your head until it tires itself out. Not to mention the physical responses you may get from the thought that make you feel like you want to be a bad person when you really don't. 3. Outside of professional therapy, how long does it usually take to heal from a lengthy spiral? As I've said, I've never been formally diagnosed, and I have yet to go to therapy to get a professional opinion. So it has me wondering how long this process will take because, dear god, I hope it isn't a super lengthy process, because I don't know if I can handle going through all of this again. I likely have more questions, but these are the ones I could think to ask for now and feel the most important. If anyone with experience in this topic has information to share, it would be greatly appreciated.

itssal

Date posted: 13h

hey u remind me of me around a year ago when i was spiraling! im now about to turn 21. 1. totally, it can feel like that. its actually kinda powerful that u can identify it as someone separate from yourself. thats exactly what an ocd therapist would try to get you to do if you were in treatment. seems like ur a step ahead. 2. i cannot speak to this only as my healing process has been… weird. i tend to excel when i go inpatient, or am distracted by things i do desire or want. but then it all comes back bc i never actually dealt with the triggers or anything. but that sounds totally normal from me based off what ive read from others. and the physical responses are all malarkey just ignore it. easier said than done but try to let physical sensations run like water. 3. there is unfortunately no set time frame for this sort of thing. you could see improvement very fast after beginning therapy and receiving a diagnosis. or it could take a little bit. for me i just went inpatient and within a couple days i felt like my old self. but thats just my experience and it clearly didnt stick as ive been back since then, and am currently spiraling now lol

Kam-talope

Date posted: 13h

@itssal It just sucks that even if this is pocd and I get out of my current spiral, this will eventually happen again because it's a mental disorder that can't be cured. Which sucks because this is a nightmare that only you can wake yourself up from, and it's really hard when it keeps trying to drag you back in over and over.

itssal

Date posted: 13h

@itssal i also am not sure what ur feelings are about porn. but from my experience it has harmed me so much more than helped. in fact my spirals since my first inpatient treatment are all having to do with real events pertaining to porn or my sex addiction. so just be mindful.

itssal

Date posted: 13h

@Kam-talope it might not! u might get the tools to manage ur ocd and be able to live ur life without another spiral. but even if u get one, the goal of therapy is to teach u that it is manageable, and can be managed. it does suck, but with the right therapist and treatment plan it can definitely be helped

itssal

Date posted: 13h

@Kam-talope if it makes u feel any better, the reason im not further along in treatment is bc i havent stayed consistent. ive not kept up with therapy, medication, sobriety, staying away from porn, its all come together. i believe if you begin treatment and really stay committed even on days it feels hard, or unnecessary, or like u dont even want to share, u will be okay. if they start you on meds, pay attention to how they make u feel. if they help, keep taking them, if they dont, tell your med provider. but its super important ur an active participant in ur treatment by giving sessions ur all and staying true to ur medication regimen :)

Kam-talope

Date posted: 13h

@itssal I understand. I'm not going to lie, I may be a bit of an addict when it comes to what you mentioned, and that is likely where my current anxieties are stemming from.

itssal

Date posted: 13h

@Kam-talope ah ha. brother take it from me. cut it out completely. it is worth it

Kam-talope

Date posted: 13h

@itssal I am currently taking a detox of sorts to try an reset my mental associations between my intrusive thoughts and the specific niche I'm into. I won't go into details here, but I will say I don't think it'll ever be out of my life completely, mainly because I wouldn't want to and I could definitely try to keep it at a healthier level in the future.

itssal

Date posted: 13h

@Kam-talope hey man power to u, u know u best my friend

Kam-talope

Date posted: 13h

@itssal And yet I don't know me as well as I thought I did. I'm sure it'll all work out though. As long as being a good person is a core value, I'll be fine no matter what mistakes I make.

itssal

Date posted: 12h

@Kam-talope i understand. hope that it can remain a fun distraction for you but feel free to come find me if it ever becomes a trigger or point of distress. hopefully ill be in a better place with my own to offer some assistance. but yeah just stay true to ur values and stick to the protective mechanisms that keep u safe!

Kam-talope

Date posted: 12h

@itssal For sure! It'll be nice to know and talk with someone with similar experiences.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond