About Sexuality/SO-OCD

Hello, I would love to hear people’s input on regarding my situation. I have been suffering for the past couple months with SO-OCD and it looks like me spiraling about the possibly of the “what-if” im gay or “what if” im using OCD as an excuse and im just in denial. I have been diagnosed with OCD my psychiatrist and also been provided meds in which I take 150mg of Luvox. Sometimes I feel like I’ll be okay and sometimes I get into my head so much and it feels so real. I am also in a relationship with my current boyfriend of 3 years, I have never questioned sexuality growing up or prior. I have this thing where sometimes I feel like I could possibly gay in which intrusive thoughts will occur, I tend to attempt to ERP at home just to ‘make sure’, and I sometimes get close to almost confessing and falling into it but this strong wave of anxiety hits and the realization of “I don’t want to be a lesbian” hits due to it all feeling so forced (intrusive thoughts, compulsions, exposing myself to media etc.) I am not homophobic because I’ve even went down the rabbit hole of if im internalizing homophobia but I happen to have numerous friends, coworkers and family who I adore that are part of the LGBTQIA+ group. I am in a safe space to if I were to be gay I would feel accepted by everyone around me. So it’s this constant cycle of (im lesbian, im straight, im lesbian, im bi, im straight) it’s just ongoing and never anything new on repeat for the last few months and it’s EXHAUSTING! Please tell me your thoughts or advice to assist if you’ve been through something similar

Cat-Mom

Date posted: 6h

Hi! I have been going through something similar. I’ve been with my partner for over 4 1/2 years and we are moving in together in two weeks. I always was worried I didn’t experience enough “attraction”, and admittedly I wouldn’t say he was ever my “type” and did have some physical changes over the years (considerable weight gain). This caused thoughts of “I don’t love him” to “I’m not attracted to him which means I’m gay or asexual”. It’s all super distressing. I never really questioned my sexuality, but being on Sertraline since childhood made me wonder if a sexual side of myself was a little blunted, and in turn, VERY insecure. OCD attaches itself to things we care about. In our case, it’s our identity and the relationship we have with someone we love. Focus on the love you have right now for your partner. If a voice tries to tell you that love is “platonic” reply “maybe it is”. At the end of the day, you choose your partner each day because you love them. With OCD that choice might get harder, but don’t give up on it. Attraction is weird! The harder we look for it the further away it becomes. I’ve found myself freaking out because a beautiful woman catches my eye before an attractive man. But a lot of things go into what causes our head to turn on the street: style, hair, makeup. Women are USUALLY going to be more eye catching than men because of these variations. Keep that in mind if you find yourself spiraling over whether your admiration for a woman’s beauty means something “more”. Finding the same sex beautiful can mean a lot of things, but none of those things need to be explored today.

Jyg314

Date posted: 5h

@Cat-Mom You put it into words perfectly thank you! May I ask how long specifically did this theme occur for or how long have you been dealing with it?

JayKing030

Date posted: 5h

I don’t have advice but I’m in the same boat with you. Constantly saying “well if I like girls I like girls” no biggy but I don’t want to like girls, the constant testing myself too. You’re not alone ❤️

Jyg314

Date posted: 5h

@JayKing030 You aren’t either I hope one day peace will come for us both stranger! 🙏

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