Realized I probably have OCD and I'm scared (Vent)

Okay, so I believe I developed this over time BUT IDK FOR SURE CAUSE I AM NOTTT PROFESSIONALLY DIAGNOSED!!! And like any person who comes to a realization, I researched; which is so ironic because thats what I'm not supposed to do as I later found out.. Anyway, I am diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder/aka Clinical Depression), and unfortunately everytime I try to beat obsessions OR compulsions I get sad at the fact that I'm letting go this take over my life for the past.. I don't even know because I'm not supposed to ponder about it. Right?.. This is honestly such a humiliating feeling, crying every day because something, ANYTHING, causes me to break down. But real quick, nothing about this disorder is humiliating. It is NOT shameful to have. If anything, it genuinely made me stronger and a more open-minded person. I can relate to things, mostly bad experiences but nonetheless can relate. It helps me be a better listener and more emotionally and socially aware. Although I have been unfortunately told that I probably have chronic paranoia (before I even discovered what OCD really was) so I am in a constant state of worry that my help isn't really "good help" because I have a mental illness(es?!).. Pretty bad first post and I'm so sorry to ramble so much, but I feel so much relief when I write out my thoughts (I haven't got the courage to speak about this stuff out loud, I always freeze up). Paper-journaling hurts my wrists too easily and I get distracted pretty quick😅.. Plus I can keep up with my thoughts faster with typing (even tho I type like a slug LOL). If you read this, thank you. And to myself, I'm proud that you're at least accepting that this is a possible reality for either a short while or a lifetime (I know this is treatable but idk about curable). Okay bye gdkskj

XwitnessX

Date posted: 15h

There’s so much to respond to so I’m not sure where to begin, but I relate and feel so much of what you’re saying. And im not diagnosed with anything. And now I’m like wait do I have mdd??? Haha Everything causes me to break down. I appreciate you writing that it isn’t shameful and even his you speak of it making you a better person. I feel that so much. Good on you for having the outlet of writing things out whenever you can. I’d like that but I feel like depression usually kicks in not letting me do anything even if I want to.

Jittery_Gibby

Date posted: 10h

🫂🫶 I hope you find your ideal therapist or an ideal friend in general to help you better understand yourself!! If you believe you have MDD or something(s) else, seek help for sure. But be warned that the stress of finding a label for yourself might be more overwhelming than the symptoms themselves 😭, please don't forget to take care of yourself 🫶!! And ofc!! (About the non-shameful stuff) We can't control it like the wave of a wand or whatever, we're literally stuck.. AND I'M GLAD THAT EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THIS BS THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IT MAKES YOU TOUGH AND EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT ASF DAWG!! 💪 And tyty for acknowledging my soupa doupa cool outlet 🙂‍↕️. I completely understand the depression taking over, it's why I don't often talk to people I know but instead random strangers on the internet, LOL. Thank goodness it let me have that. Best of luck to you figuring out yourself and to beating the sad times 🫂🫶. If you wanna talk more just hmu! I'm more than happy to be an ear ^^!!

Jittery_Gibby

Date posted: 10h

@Jittery_Gibby Damn I yap so bad MY BAD 😭😭, it's an anxiety (or ocd, idk dawg) thing cause I feel like I NEED to over-explainin cause there's a slight miscommunication! (Im insane in the membrane RAAAUGSJSH)

XwitnessX

Date posted: 10h

@Jittery_Gibby Ugh thank you so much! I have really bad phone anxiety so the hurdle now is having to make a phone call to get the process started 😬🫣 this past year or so has been so much more about self discovery and discovering so much of what I feel has a name and in one sense it’s amazing and such a relief and the other side it just makes me sad and definitely overwhelming! And yessss about being non shameful dude it’s something I’ve worked on throughout my life and it can be so hard to find people who understand that! And actually want to work towards growth too. My social circle is incredibly teeny tiny right now which is part of what makes things so hard. 💔 thank you for saying that and thank you for seeing me! 🫶✨

XwitnessX

Date posted: 10h

@Jittery_Gibby 🤣🤣🤣

Jittery_Gibby

Date posted: 10h

@XwitnessX Anytime dude!! Best of luck again, and I hope defeat phone-anxiety; it's so freaking scary AND LIKE I'M NOT EVEN LOOKING AT BRO?? I'M SCARED OF A VOICE 💔 (and not being able to read their face smh). I hope you make more friends 🫶, whether it be irl or online. You deserve support as much as the next guy 🫂, I BELIEVE IN YOUUU

XwitnessX

Date posted: 10h

I wish we could send individual dms here then we could yap battle! I’m restraining myself A LOT 🤣

Jittery_Gibby

Date posted: 10h

I could make a blank post for specifically yapping or if you have insta, tiktok, or discord, that works as well lol. I am about to play Minecraft tho so I gotta fly but it's been so nice meeting you Wit!!

Jittery_Gibby

Date posted: Yesterday

The TW is just because of the fact that I talk about OCD (and other disorders) and that personally makes me spiral, and idk, maybe some other newbies spiral reading this 😭. Wait, is that OCD talking?... AUSGKSMJSJKSK💢💢

XwitnessX

Date posted: 15h

@Jittery_Gibby In the best way I loled reading through your post 😂😂😂

Jittery_Gibby

Date posted: 11h

@XwitnessX I talk like I'm talking to a best friend because it tricks my brain into thinking, "This is literally ur bff?? Lol, you don't need to stress girly! 🫶" #PretendingMyWayThroughTs 💀💀

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