I'm not sure if I have ocd

When I was younger 5 or 6 I won't get into great detail but something inappropriate happened to me.. my whole life I've questioned wether or not it happened I convince myself I'm lying because I want attention because I don't fully remember. I've ruminated on this ever since. I'm 21 years old now. I'm not sure how to express my feelings but. I am always questioning my reality. A coworker of mine physically pulled me by my shirt aggressively and My family convinced me to tell my boss. I have two managers and I spoke to the one under the main manager he said to let the main manager know. After a few days of thinking I convinced myself that it was just me that I'm jealous of him for some unknown reason "I'm just jealous" and I'm evil for trying to make him look bad. So I decided not to say anything. To my benefit my boss told the main manager for me so I didn't have to say anything. I grew nervous as I saw the video fully believing that I conjured up a whole lie just to fit my narrative of being eveil and jealous. She pulled up the footage and it's exactly what I thought I just second guessed myself so much that I literally lost my perception of reality. I know anxiety and ocd have similar symptoms but what really makes me think I may have ocd is the amount of time I spend ruminating on things and how they affect my life. Please share your opinion from what I've said

bonnie1987

Date posted: Yesterday

Do you know for sure this thing happened to you? Or could it be ocd making this up in your head? Im in the same situation but I dont know if its a false memory or really happened? It sounds like ocd as with ocd you get a thought ot something thats happened eg with your manager and you obsess over it and replay it

levidoodoo

Date posted: 20h

@bonnie1987 I'm not 100% sure I just remember seeing him pull his pants down and asking me to show him my stuff. At that age I apparently had told my mom that it was interrupted or that it didn't happen but as I grew up. I looked at the situation and thought well how do I know for sure. Also I'm not sure if I would have lied? because I remember everything up until he showed me his stuff but I don't remember anyone interrupting or coming in the room.. but I'm honestly not sure either which has really prevented me from healing because weather or not that did happen that day something left a lasting impact on me. And I know it can sound a bit unrealistic because I was so young at the time but it really has had a huge impact in my life. To be honest though I'm not sure it could be ocd because I can never think a clear answer. At first I thought that my ocd was tricking me into thinking that it didn't happen- but maybe it's the other way around.. please tell me what you think because I'm honestly not sure

bonnie1987

Date posted: 20h

@levidoodoo Is there a way u can message me? I have a similar experience. So did you tell your mum? Can she confirm that?

levidoodoo

Date posted: 17h

@bonnie1987 Yeah let me see if there's a way to message you

levidoodoo

Date posted: 17h

@bonnie1987 I don't think we're able to message personally unless im just unable to figure it out, also yes I've had so many conversations with my mom about it and it honestly doesn't make me feel better

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