false feelings?

@Gettingmylifeback During a bad ocd flare up its 24/7 thoughts and every woman i see. I am in a relationship with a man and engaged to him. During time where ocd is low I know I love him and want to marry him, yet when its high I feel like I need to come out and I’m secretly in denial etc

@Gettingmylifeback Im sorry u are going through this🙏 It’s so hard. I’ve never had a relationship and im even scared to have one and i also have zero experiences. I also feel now like i fancy every woman i see and that i need to come out and im actually just in denial. It feels like it’s my true self 😔

@ninkaninga I relate to the feeling like I need to come out and its my true self. I was only with my fiance for 3 months before this started, and its been on and off for 6 years. I have had long periods of it not bothering me but it does flare up again. I had ERP 2 years ago and it worked well - about to start another course so I would recommend that if you can!

@Gettingmylifeback I have this since 14, im 22 now. Its also on and off.

@ninkaninga I got it at 18, I’m 24 now

@ninkaninga Its just horrible- worst theme in my opinion and it couples with my rocd so much

@Cat-Mom i know i get it. im just so lost tbh. I want to talk to someone😣 im scared that this was all a lie - me being straight. I feel like i dont want anything…not even men or women. Even though maybe two days ago i felt normal. Like….i could imagine myself in a realtionship with a man in my head. But then what if its only possible in my head and not in reality?😞 am i forcing myself? I dont want to be a lesbian. Sometimes i feel like this is all just bullshit and i have always been straight and next i have to analyze if im gay…..even though i dont think i ever wanted to date a woman and genuinely wanted to kiss one or have sex with one.😞😞

@ninkaninga Feelings are not facts! Even the desire to be intimate with a woman wouldn’t necessarily mean you are gay! Just like the absence of Desire for a man wouldn’t have to mean that either. You don’t have to be what you don’t want to be. You make the choices. Take it one day at a time and do not fall into any compulsions to experiment! Your body will absolutely confuse you

@Cat-Mom That’s also true. At this point i really dont know. I dont want to experiment. Honestly i have zero sexual or any intimate experience in general….

@ninkaninga Sexuality is a huge spectrum. I’ve honestly wondered where I fit on it for a while. I’ve only been intimate with men, but I’ve never felt like I “wanted it enough” Before my breakdown over it I considered bisexuality briefly (bc pop culture was very queer focused and I do find women beautiful, and often more eye catching than men) and then just kinda waved it away after thinking more about it and not really being into lesbian erotica, lol. Point is, we might never know. So it might be more important to do what you think is “right” when your thoughts are telling you that you are something you’re not comfortable with. If romantic relationships are what you wish to pursue, go with your instinct. I find it’s the flash of something before your anxious side takes over to tell you it’s wrong, lol

@Cat-Mom Honestly because of this i dont even feel any need to be in a relationship :( i dont even want to start anything because “i will realize” or “i wouldn’t like it” etc. :(

@ninkaninga Relationships can be hard! People/media who tell you they aren’t are lying or haven’t been in one long enough to experience hardship. I can tell you though that some really happy moments/experiences in my life would not have happened if it wasn’t for my boyfriend. That’s what I hold on to when my brain tells me to hang it up because I’m “not sure”. But what you’re afraid of is something EVERYONE gets scared of at some point, OCD or not.

@Cat-Mom Im totally scared of intimacy and relationships😣 to the point i feel like i will never be in one in the future. I hope im not asexual or aromantic. But i always feel like its easy for others and hard for me. I always wonder how would it be to fall in love and just…love someone and yea….u know

@ninkaninga I’ve wondered if I’m on the ace or aro spectrum myself at times. The thing I remind myself is that there are a LOT of ways love can look, but at the end of the day, even romantic partners call their spouse their “best friend” for a reason! Friendship is the foundation of any meaningful relationship. LTR’s are built on companion love. The love hormones that flood some people in the beginning are temporary and there to get us to mate. But companion love is what those feelings settle into. The scariest thing for me was transitioning from the honeymoon stage to that. Because I felt I loved him like a friend and things were no longer exciting and that might be “wrong”. But most of life is NOT exciting! It’s a matter of asking yourself if you enjoy their presence, and want to navigate life with them. All the rest is fluff.

@Cat-Mom maybe im just a hopeless romantic and idk….maybe im just looking for something deep in the future

@ninkaninga A healthy relationship will feel deep because you are sharing your thoughts, hopes, and fears with someone you care about, and they will do the same!