I have what can only be described as a debilitating obsession with clarifying myself and making my points clear to others, often after a conversation has already passed. My inner peace tends to become greatly affected by the compulsion to seek approval, “permission”, reassurance, etc so that others have absolute confirmation of my perspective, what I meant, or what I intended to say, etc. This often leads to catastrophizing what it is they may be thinking which only further drives the compulsion to clarify. It’s as if I must be heard (or re-heard), and they must know what I meant or else they will think the “wrong” thing about me, and potentially judge me based on inaccurate data. Basically, I must know that someone (usually someone close to me) has the right idea about me or else it drives me crazy. I suppose you can say it’s a form of approval addiction with OCD symptoms. Does anyone else ever experience this?

Often for me they likely are not judging too harshly or at all (since it’s close family or friends), however I nevertheless obsess that they might think this or that, and thus I must clarify :/

@jalbin831 Do you find it exhausting?

I find a sense of humour goes a long way in these scenarios.

@ProsperwithOCD Humor adds fluff to the point and details the convo. Literally nothing comes between me and the need to confirm my perspective is heard which id imagine is the same for the OP

@ProsperwithOCD Derails*

@lauren888 Sounds like confirming your perspective is heard is very important to you. I would stick with that approach then.

What does SO mean?

@ProsperwithOCD Got it - significant other.

Yeah. You almost feel they’re taking an angle on you? So you need to explain?

@ProsperwithOCD Yea pretty much. It’s like I find myself trying to get into her head (or whomever it is), and trying to understand what they may be thinking. I often end up convincing myself that it’s unfavorable, thus my need to clarify and have them hopefully mirror back my sentiment. It’s like they need to say the right thing back to me or else I get concerned that they are thinking something else. Sometimes I even feel embarrassed about it since the conversation has already passed and they usually didn’t think much of anything about it. Little did they know how much attention I was paying to their words and body language :/ I realize this is probably also related to things like insecurity.

@jalbin831 Literally deal with exactly this all day every day. This specific thing.

@jalbin831 I understand. It’s important not to be too passive about it but not too particular. Tough balance.

@jalbin831 I've tried everything. Sometimes when I try and cut them a little slack, I find solace in asking them if I can bring the topic back up later (if I keep going in circles and not content with their sentiment) and they will say "sure" which helps me in knowing that I can bring it back up later if it's still on my mind. this gives them a break and I forget about it about half of the time.

@lauren888 Sounds like we are both good at overanalyzing :) How does your SO typically react? Do they eventually give you the answer you’re seeking? Sometimes it helps to think of positive things that they have said in the past to counteract any negativity that you might be perceiving.

@laur888 This is something I have not done but it makes complete sense that it would work. I believe I have actually told myself this same thing (“I can always bring it back up another time”)

@jalbin831 My so is getting really sick and tired of small convos being extended over hours and days.. but being supportive. They usually succumb to all the questions where I articulate their thoughts but it's not as easy for them go get as deep as I'd hope so they get frustrated and so do I. I do the same thing like you did with your aunt.. and depending on how comfortable I am with the person I'll either ask them endless or some questions or I'll make my SO analyze it with me since I trust a non-ocd perspective more than just my OCD one. Positive things from the past don't help for me since each convo is different. How do you get over things like the thing from Christmas where you don't want to engage sometime like your aunt who (I could be wrong) but you may not be super close with?

@laur888 Well, I should say that it’s a pretty fresh experience still so I am just trying to break the addiction of seeking reassurance since my rational mind knows that there’s a 99.9% chance that there’s nothing to be concerned with, and that she has likely forgotten about the entire convo. However the 0.01% chance that she does think a certain unfavorable thing is enough to drive me crazy. She would be cool with anything I ask her but I’m just embarrassed to even bring it back up again because the conversation was so short-lived....but still it’s possible that she could think this thing. As for how I’m handling it, mostly I’m just forcing myself to go through the discomfort of not knowing, and accepting the fact that the chance she is thinking something bad is almost impossibly small. Mostly I am just trying to get more in touch with my rational mind.

@jalbin831 Sounds like you're approaching it the right way. I sometimes don't put effort into letting myself sit with it bc I'm worried it could be forever until I forget about it. I'd rather inconvenience someone else quickly. But I know that's not right or sustainable.

@laur888 I can empathize with that. The reason I know my situation is probably illogical is because it actually took me some time to formulate the hypothetical thing that she *could* conceivably be thinking. It’s almost as if my brain had to puzzle together a negative intent scenario based upon how it was said (which really wasn’t even so terrible). Though I still feel like I need to verify that she didn’t mean it disfavorably. It is like the perfect marriage of OCD and insecurity.

@jalbin831 Truly is! Do you find it's becoming less important or realistic as you type it out?

@laur888 I believe so to an extent. I know that my aunt is ultimately in my corner (from a support perspective) so there’s really nothing I should have to worry about. But for some reason I “fear” her judgement since she seems kind of a judgmental person in general. I guess I could also be wrong on that. I know she thinks highly of me. She even said so. How about you? Do you find your concerns alleviated any by getting them out there?