Lots of life changes

Hi everyone. Something I have been experiencing recently is post graduation anxiety and depression. I feel isolated and have been trying to find a full time job, but it’s really difficult in this current market. Also, I have worked an amazing job for over three years now, but it only gives me 10-15 hours a week, and it’s not enough to make ends meet. I love the people there, but it also is a bit of an isolating position because it is hybrid/remote, and I only get to go out into the community once a week IF that. Most of the work is virtual. I’m really struggling right now with just having graduated and having a lot of big changes in my life. I love my partner, but they can’t really relate to me in this way, and they are the person I am around the most. Not only that, but our relationship is in a transition stage as well with us being unsure of what we want for the future as individuals as well as a couple. I am struggling with wanting to practice my individuality versus being in a relationship with my partner, and I think I just need space and time to figure out what I want. I’m scared that means my partner and I won’t work out romantically, but I know I always want them in my life regardless. I have a lot of “what-ifs” about our relationship including things like “what if your partner isn’t the one for you because of (insert literally anything),” and it can be really small stuff like because they don’t like to read books or bigger stuff like them not taking care of their physical and mental health all the time by going to preventative doctors appointments and such. I am worried that this is more my OCD taking over than actual issues, but at the same time, I know the lack of taking care of their physical and mental health has impacted me and made me feel trapped in a caregiver position. I also feel like because I was in school and working at the same time, I didn’t have much energy at the end of the day for my friendships. I poured a lot of my energy into my family and partner, and I want to rebuild my friendships again. It just feels really daunting and overwhelming because I feel that my partner takes up a significant amount of my time. I feel like I don’t often get to dictate what I do on a day to day basis, and I want to have that freedom to choose. I don’t want to have my day-to-day dictated by another person, but I don’t know if this means I should be single or if more independence is something I can achieve within our relationship still. I am scared and worried that my longing for more autonomy will end our relationship. My partner is loving and accepting of me going out and doing my own thing, but I always feel a sense of guilt and obligation to them that I often neglect my social life for them. They are a needy person, so even if they don’t directly tell me not to do something, their need for me and my presence or support feels hard to not prioritize even when I want to prioritize other parts of my life. There is just so much change and uncertainty in my life right now from what job I will have to my partnership to where I am going to live and how I want to live my life moving forward. It’s scary, and I wish there was someone who could tell me what to do and what is the best path to take, but I know I just have to follow my heart. If anyone can relate to any of the things I am feeling, please reach out. I could really use a friend right now.