My Rare Retroactive Jealousy OCD Case.. 😭

I’ve read all kinds of retroactive jealousy cases, and none of them talk about my specific scenario. Most if not all cases always talk about their partners past which essentially is what I’m talking about here, but the problem is her and I were together all through high school until senior year, we broke up for two years and both dated other people and were sexually involved with said people. We did decide to get back together and we shared that information to each other. I think I buried it for 20 years because it’s now it’s 2026 and this break up happened in 2018, and out of nowhere right after she said yes to me in November 2025 to be my wife… this flare of intrusive thoughts since seeing what they did together in my mind will not go away. I remember the heartbreak I felt when I found out that she was sleeping with him (he was her bf now DUHHH right?!) but we were still very emotionally attached to each other. We never stopped, loving each other. She was there to all of my hardships as a child since we were together since we were 14 years old. And we both were extremely attached to each other because we survived together. It’s not just thinking about my new girlfriend’s past. It’s seeing a timeline of two people who grew up together and attached so hard that I still felt like someone got MY GIRL… why did this show up 20 years later?! and why can’t I separate these timelines in my mind because every time I see what’s happening it’s always the version I have in front of me doing those things 20 years ago. Either way it’s the woman of my dreams since I was a kid and even now, that’s why I’m marrying her. I was doing the same thing with my partner at the time so logically I know it was OK but my mind doesn’t stop playing it and showing me high definition videos of what I think unfolded and it hurts me deeply every time so it’s like a rolling effective depression because every time I see it the same pain hits again. She doesn’t judge me for it so how does she live there in that mindset? I’m sorry for typing so much. It was just hard to give you a reference because most people talk about their new partner’s past, and this was my ORIGINAL partner and my current partner OF 20 YEARS again… these intrusive thoughts and movies playing of her doing all positions and while she’s next to me. It’s just so heartbreaking every time I see them and it thousands of times a day. I just want to be closer to her again like we were three months ago. I feel for anyone that’s going through OCD in general. But wouldn’t wish this RJOCD on my worst enemy. I hope this treatment will help here.