Guilt

I have two dogs one is male and one is female. My male one is extremely aggressive towards anybody who isn’t us and it really bothers me and I’ve tried to get him to stop for years and today I was working and he just started going off on the sea guy which stressed out my other dog and my cat so I popped him on the butt and I am just feeling this immense guilt from it. I did not pop him hard at all just a light spank, but it just put me on this intrusive thought of I have watched dogs before I am a big animal lover and now I am worried that I have done something to those dogs like hit them or yelled at them which in my mind I know I haven’t at the same time I’m worried that I have my other dog. The female one is very very sweet, but she’s very very bad on the leash. she’s actually dislocated my arm pulling me to go try to get another dog. She’s drugged me in the middle of the road. She is extremely aggressive towards other dogs and I have popped her as well or I’ve had to pull her hard and that’s why I switched to a harness. I don’t really know how it got this bad today just for my dog barking, but I am in a very bad state of fear and guilt. Just thinking that I have maybe harmed other peoples dogs in my back of my mind. I know I haven’t but I just fear I have. I love my dogs and they love me, but it’s been a very hard time with them because of this aggressiveness and we’ve had trainers leave and I’m not sure what else to do my dog on the walks is doing a lot better and I’m having more patience with her, but my male dog is still aggressive and I don’t think that will change. I was just wondering does anybody else have pets and struggle with this guilt as well that’s something will happen and it’ll just spiral you and the more thoughts. My main intrusive thought is that I watched a coworkers dogs. One was very old and senile and the other one was a puppy the puppy was very sweet, but he was very very hyper and it stressed me out, and I know that I might raise my voice at him and now my mind is just bringing me back, trying to convince me that I harmed him and I know I didn’t

IWantYouToBe...

Date posted: 12h

Hey, I hear how distressed you are and I get that. You sound like a huge animal lover and seem like you genuinely love your dogs and other people's dogs and care a lot about not hurting them. Ironically this is exactly why OCD is latching on to it, because you care so much about not doing it. My best advice and it's not easy is to try your best to accept that you may have done these things and come to peace with it. As for the false memory I really do get you as it's my main theme and it sucks but honestly while trying to cut out ruminating on it is extremely difficult and will take time even just delaying it can help. You deserve to be happy, best of luck recovering. If you haven't try looking into erp as it can make a huge difference.

☃️

Date posted: 11h

@IWantYouToBeHappy Hey, thank you a lot for your reply. I really really appreciate you. This was worded wonderfully and I’m actually going to therapy next Tuesday and starting ERP which I’m nervous for but at the same time I need it my OCD latches on anything in my life that I care about my family my animals and of course we’ve all made mistakes in our past but OCD just likes to latch onto those and make those seem any worse

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