Has anyone experienced this before?

Recently I have been feeling overwhelmed by OCD thoughts and doubts about my relationship and my sexuality. I keep questioning whether I truly love my boyfriend or whether I am actually in love with the idea of being in love. These doubts become especially strong when I notice changes in my feelings, body sensations, or reactions. Today, I was worried about whether I miss my boyfriend enough while we are apart (I am in South Carolina and he is in Texas). I know he did not text me yesterday because of his strict mom, but I started worrying about what it means if I do not feel a strong sense of missing him. I questioned if I even love him anymore. I also had moments where I felt happy. For example, earlier I told my mom that I want to live with my boyfriend someday. Later, when my sister mentioned my boyfriend while we were talking about future plans and finances, I felt really happy. When my boyfriend texted me and we talked, I also felt happy. However, afterward I started analyzing my feelings and wondering why my body felt heavy or why I did not feel a stronger emotion all the time. I became triggered when my sister mentioned that I had talked about being with a girl. I do not remember saying that I wanted to be with a girl. I remember telling her that I was forcing myself to think about these things and that I was scared because I was experiencing OCD for the first time. I remember crying and trying to explain that these thoughts were upsetting me. Hearing her describe it differently made me feel like I was back at square one. I mean when I explained it to her what I was doing it sounded like it like forcing the images and stuff but I didn’t want to be with a girl. I also became triggered when my sister talked about how she did not fully discover herself until her late 20s. It felt like my brain immediately connected this to my fear of not knowing myself and started worrying that maybe I will discover something different about myself later. I have also been experiencing intrusive thoughts and mental images involving women, especially masculine presenting women but it’s going away a bit but I keep focusing on one masc presenting woman who triggered me. When I remember seeing her muscles or certain features, I worry that I felt genuine attraction. The feeling can seem real, but it also feels like it is not truly me. I repeatedly ask myself if I am attracted to masc women or if I am bisexual. Anyway , I have been testing myself by intentionally imagining scenarios to see how I react. For example, I forced myself to imagine being with a woman, touching a woman’s body, or being in romantic/sexual situations with a woman. Sometimes I notice physical sensations or arousal, which scares me but it’s like I don’t care and i feel numb, anxious. I then analyze the sensation and ask myself what it means. I also tested myself by looking at or imagining images of women and checking my reactions. When I notice any sensation, I get a heavy heart but no reaction it’s like I’m tired of it and question whether it means I like women. Sometimes I get tired of fighting the thoughts and say things like “I like girls” or “I am bisexual” just to see what happens. Sometimes it feels real for a moment, but it does not feel like something I actually want or see myself pursuing. I feel confused because the thoughts and sensations can feel convincing. I have also been sleeping very poorly. I stay awake at night and sleep during the day, sometimes sleeping from around 4 AM to 3 PM. I feel mentally and emotionally burned out but I’m getting better. But I keep overthinking if I’m Love him . We’ve been together for three years now and I’m happy and I’m excited for our fourth anniversary because we are gonna to top golf together but anyway I keep questioning if I truly love him, if I’m only afraid of being alone, or if I’m just attached to the idea of being in love. I constantly check my feelings during calls, when he texts me, when I look at his pictures, and when I think about our future. I still have moments where I feel happy and connected with him. For example, when my sister mentioned him while talking about future plans, I felt happy . When he texted me and we talked, I felt happy. I have also told my mom that I want to live with him someday like I said earlier. But idk during our relationship I’m always overthinking if he loves me or not or if he’s using me and it feels like it switched . Sorry if it’s too long 🥲